


Young Irrelevance

by kingvandam



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Drug Abuse Mention, Drug Use, Friends to Lovers, Hair Dyeing, High School AU, Hypersexuality, Impaired driving, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Sexuality Crisis, Psych Ward, Smut, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, don't let the relationships deter you this is just ambreigns, male female friendships, mild homophobia, minor sexual abuse mention, self piercing, self tattooing, the other two are just minor plot points along the way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:02:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 45,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23220655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingvandam/pseuds/kingvandam
Summary: High school is rough for anybody. But high school is especially rough when you feel lost in yourself. Dean never cared much for school. A typical case of teenage rebellion. He had few friends and that was fine with him. However walking into class the first day of junior year proves that maybe the world isn’t as against him as previously thought.
Relationships: (minor) Baron Corbin/Dean Ambrose | Jon Moxley, (very minor) AJ Lee/Dean Ambrose | Jon Moxley, Dean Ambrose | Jon Moxley/Roman Reigns
Comments: 31
Kudos: 50





	1. Back to School Blues

**Author's Note:**

> well here it is! it took me forever but i finally got it out! enjoy!

A small buzzing had drifted him from sleep. The phone was plugged in and laying on the window sill, but the continuous buzzing of the morning alarm meant it was now laying on the bed. Dean groaned softly and felt around for his phone. Clicking the off button he dropped the phone back down and rolled over. He buried his face into the pillow beneath him and took a few steady breaths. With another groan he flung the blanket to the side and off of his body before sitting up on the edge of the bed. Another groan left his lips before standing up off the bed, stretching his arms up as he did. 

Slowly he made his way out of his room and into the bathroom. He winced as the light came on and pulled the door shut behind him. Bracing himself against the sink he gazed at his reflection. Bags were still evident under his eyes, sleeping had never been his strong suit. He just stood, looking himself in the eye, for a few moments longer. There was time to waste, but he did have to get ready eventually. Stepping back he adverted his gaze and slid his t-shirt up over his head and dropped it in the nearby hamper. After turning the shower on he dropped his briefs as well and stepped into the running water. 

Again he stood still. The hot water engulfed him and the only sound in his head was the pattering of water against the tile. A whole summer had passed by once again and now here he was. Back at the start. In about an hours time he’ll be on his way to school, and then home again. Rinse. Repeat. He felt caught in limbo. Time felt like it dragged on, but at the same time everything was moving far to fast and he just couldn’t keep up. Absently his hands moved to wash his hair and body. He was numb, hell he wasn’t really sure if he was really alive. Only felt it when there was a risk of danger. 

With a deep sigh he reached to turn the water off, wincing a little at the cold air. The towel hanging on the door was soon wiping him down before being wrapped around his waist. He hurried his way back into his room, making a beeline for his bureau to pull out a new set of clothes. Ripped, faded jeans and an oversized t-shirt. It was still dark outside, but a dim blue light began to cover the sky. He shook his head, water droplets flying everywhere, and went to grab his phone. Making his bed wasn’t Dean’s strong suit either, but he still unfolded the blanket in a lazy attempt. In fixing the blanket his phone was revealed. 

The time read 6 o’clock. No notifications. He dropped the phone back on the bed. 

“Fantastic,” he mumbled underneath his breath. 

With a drag in his step he made his way upstairs and into the kitchen. There was a pot of coffee already made and steaming. Nobody was in the kitchen but that was normal. The coffee was made by his mother, who would now be sitting on the porch with her soon to be new husband. One William Regal. An English professor at a nearby university. Every morning they sat on the porch and just enjoyed the morning air. Dean preferred to just drink his coffee indoors. No breakfast, just coffee with milk and probably too much sugar. Mug in hand he walked back down to his room. 

Once he got back in his room he sat down at the desk that sat across from his bed. He sat there head in one hand and mug in the other. There wasn’t much to look at, just stolen flyers and anti drug pamphlets that named drugs and what they do. All of which had been defaced by his friends. After all isn’t that what friends are for? 

Before he knew it the mug was empty. He considered grabbing another cup and despite deciding against it he found himself upstairs drinking another cup anyway. This time when he finished he put the cup straight in the sink. The school was about a 20 minute walk from his house. While Dean didn’t care much for being on time, he didn’t exactly have anything better to do than start heading in that direction. 

He slid on his sneakers and threw on his black denim jacket that was two or three sizes too big for him. It wasn’t cold per se, but it wasn’t exactly warm either. Brisk autumn weather. Before taking off he made sure to check his pockets to confirm that his pack of cigarettes and lighter were still in one of them. They always were, but it was worth the double check. 

With a deep sigh he stepped out onto the porch. There was the happy couple, sitting on the lit up porch smiling and chatting away. 

“Heading to school?” his mother perked up. 

Dean stalled, “Yeah.” 

“I could dr-” William began to offer. 

“Rather walk.” 

He didn’t quite catch what was said to him next, too busy putting as much distance between himself and that situation as possible. What he did catch though was his mother yelling after him to have a good day. Once he was far enough out of sight he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. The mix of cool air and smoke was always refreshing in one of the sickest ways possible. Smoke was polluting his lungs but it was so cleansing. 

He walked along the edge of the pavement. The grass was slightly damp with morning dew and walking too close to the forrest line was ill advised. Birds chirped from various distances and the stream in the woods was trickling along. The sky was almost completely lit now, but the world was still a little dull in color. 

In the distance there was the sound of a car approaching. Dean paid it no mind until it started slowing down beside him. Turning he saw Liv roll down her window. 

“Hey freakshow. Get in the car,” she laughed. 

“And put that out, you can hit my vape instead,” Alexa piped up from the passenger seat. 

Dean shook his head, “You’ve got to stop the car first. I can’t get into a moving vehicle.” 

“That’s because you’re not trying hard enough,” Liv rolled her eyes but brought the car to a halt anyway. 

Dean stomped out his cigarette and put the filter back in the box. When he went to grab for the door Liv hit the gas a bit. 

“Liv!” 

“It’s training,” she shrugged, “soon enough you’ll just be able to get in my car while it’s moving. Won’t have to stop at all and hear you whine about it moving.” 

The next couple of times he tried to open the door she did the same thing before finally stopping and letting him get in the car. Once the vehicle starting moving again Alexa turned around and held out her vape as an offer. 

“It’s chocolate milk flavored,” she sing songed.

He took it, hitting it a couple of times before handing it back. 

“Like it?” 

“Not bad.” 

Quietly the radio played. The music was hardly audible, not meant to be anything more than a backing track to keep from silence. 

“Junior year!” Liv tapped excitedly on the steering wheel. 

Alexa smiled and took a hit of her vape, “Almost out.”

“Year hasn’t even started,” Dean pointed out. 

Liv shook her head, “Do you get paid to be negative?” 

“I should,” he responded. 

“You’d make a killing,” Alexa teased. 

“Anyway,” Liv exclaimed, “I think we should celebrate!”

Dean leaned back in his seat, “Celebrate what?”

“The beginning of a new chapter?” Liv asked. 

Alexa nodded, “Works for me.”

Entering the school parking lot Liv drove up and parked in the last open spot of the front row. She turned the car off and turned in her seat to face Dean and Alexa both. Alexa took another big hit from her vape before offering it to Dean again. While Dean took a hit of Alexa’s, Liv pulled out her own and took a hit. He handed it back with a small cough before sitting still in the silence that surrounded them. 

Appearance wise the three of them might look a bit mismatched. Alexa’s black shorts, tank top, and spiky pink leather jacket that matched the ends of her hair. Liv’s black jeans, suspenders hanging from them, and what’s clearly her dad’s light blue dress shirt buttoned up. Her hair more of a bubblegum pink in contrast to Alexa’s neon pink ends. Then Dean in his beat up clothes. Though the aesthetic mismatch, they were more alike then an outside glance would allow you to see.

Alexa groaned, “We should probably grab a seat in the gym before we’re sitting front row for the whole assembly. 

Liv took a long hit off of her vape before nodding towards the school and opening her door. 

The other two followed suit and the three of them walked in through the gym entrance. The halls were already full of yelling, they could hear it from the gym lobby. All three of them continued joking around as they made their way into the gym, and continued to all through the assembly. Afterwards they seperated, each going to their respective classes. 

Up until last period the day had been uneventful for Dean. Just classes full of nobody he knew all that well. Walking into his last period psychology class he finally spotted someone he sort of knew just a little bit. The boy was sitting alone despite the fact that the bell was about to sound. With no hesitation Dean plopped down in the empty seat next to him. 

“Roman right?” Dean asked. 

Roman hesitated for a moment before nodding, “Yeah, and it’s Dean right?” 

“Yup.” 

“Haven’t seen you since you stopped hanging out with Seth. Whatever happened with that anyway?” Roman questioned. 

Dean rolled his shoulders before shrugging and bouncing both legs up and down a couple of times, “Just stuff y’know.” 

“Ah,” Roman nodded getting the message. 

“So why’re you sitting by yourself?”

“I’m not. I’m sitting with you,” Roman smirked. 

“Okay, so why were you sitting alone,” Dean leaned forward a little bit on the were.

“Came in late. All the other seats were taken.” 

“Oh.”

“We can pretend I was saving it for you if you want,” now Roman was shrugging. 

Dean leaned back in his seat, “Might as well, seems like you did anyway.” 

Roman chuckled and shook his head lightly.

Dean just smiled back at him in return. 

* * *

Roman and Dean walked together, Roman giving him a gentle shoulder nudge as a goodbye before entering into the locker room. Football practice. When Dean exited the gym lobby he noticed Liv and Alexa sitting on the hood of Liv’s car. There was another girl over there too. This one had dark brown hair and a flannel tied around her waist. She was standing near Liv, who was giggling in response to whatever this girl had been saying to her. 

When Dean reached the car he just took a seat on the edge next to Alexa. 

“Oh Sonya,” Liv grabbed the girl’s hand and reached across Alexa to grab Dean’s too, “this is Dean. Dean, Sonya. She’s new and we’ve got study hall together.” 

“Hey,” Sonya waved. 

Dean offered a smile and the raise of his hand. 

Sonya gently pulled her hand from Liv’s after giving it a light squeeze, “Well I’ve got to get going. I’ll see you tomorrow Liv,” it was punctuated with a wink. 

Liv gazed longingly after her for a couple of moments before snapping back around with a devilish grin, “Let’s go get high!” 

Alexa laughed and Dean just shook his head. 

Liv hopped off the hood and opened the drivers side door. Slowly the other two doing the same, Alexa getting in the passenger seat and Dean in the back. For the ride back to Liv’s house the music was loud. Much louder than it had been in the morning. Liv periodically took hits off of her vape while Alexa passed hers back and forth with Dean. The drive was short, the three of them rushed inside and into Liv’s room. 

Dean went to open both of the large windows to the left of the bed. Liv fished her pipe out of her desk drawer along with a small jar of marijuana. Alexa was sat on the edge of the bed, Dean beside her. Liv was sitting in her desk chair, back to the other two, packing a bowl. When she was done packing she opened her drawer back up to pull out her lighter. Pipe in one hand, lighter in the other, she spun the chair around to face them. Liv took the first hit before passing it to Dean who passed it to Alexa. 

“So Sonya,” Alexa smirked when she handed the pipe back to Liv. 

Liv took a hit then nodded once, “What about her?”

Liv passed the pipe to Dean.

“Do you think she’s cute?” Alexa leaned back on her arms. 

“Duh,” Liv giggled. 

Alexa sat back up to take the pipe from Dean. 

“You gonna make her your girlfriend,” Dean asked laying back on his left elbow. 

“Mm,” Liv hummed, taking the pipe and her hit, “That’s the plan.” 

Dean nodded and sat back up, taking his turn before passing it off again. 

Soon enough the bowl had been smoked and Liv was tapping the pipe on the outside of her window to get the ash out. Once the pipe was put away she lit a couple of candles. Dean and Alexa were laying on opposite edges of the bed, legs dangling off. After taking care of everything Liv laid down between them. There was a stillness in the room and a subtle breeze. The day melted around them as they talked about nothing in particular. The clock quietly ticking away before Dean and Alexa had to go home, only for the world to reset in the morning.


	2. One Little Crush

A month had ticked by. One whole month into Junior Year. Much like every other year it was rinse and repeat. Go to school, skip a class or two, get fucked up, wake back up and do it all over again. While Dean was currently stood under the bleachers watching football practice Alexa was off at work. Liv and Sonya were sitting together under the bleachers near Dean. The two of them didn’t take very long to get together. Maybe a week at most. Liv was taking hits off her vape, occasionally remembering to offer it to Sonya. Dean just smoked his cigarette. 

It was a toss up as to whether Dean was under the bleachers to smoke and not get caught or to watch Roman and not get caught. Despite Dean’s attendance habits he’s been making a point to attend every psychology class. Every once in a while he would steal a glance at Roman and just hope nobody notices. Least of all Roman.

“Hey when you’re done being a creep you wanna go get something to eat?” Liv teased. 

“Not being a creep,” Dean shot back.

Liv stood up beside him and tried looking in the same direction, “Who ya watching?”

“Nobody,” Dean took a long drag of his cigarette. 

“C'mon, who is it?” Liv pleaded with a pouty lip. 

Dean let out a small laugh, “Figure it out yourself.”

“Boo you’re no fun,” Liv pushed his shoulder lightly, “You wanna go out to eat or not?” 

Dean glanced at Liv then back at Roman, “Nah, I got stuff to do.” 

“Need a ride home then?” Liv looked back out at the field for a moment. 

“Nah. Nah I’m good,” Dean forced himself to look at Liv and smile. 

Liv bit her lip and studied him for a moment before leaning sideways a bit to look at Sonya, “You wanna get out of here?”

“Yeah, I’m ready if you are,” Sonya stood. 

Liv looked Dean up and down and pointed at him, “I’ll figure it out.” 

Dean shook his head with a small smile, “I bet you will.”

Liv grabbed Sonya’s hand and led her out from underneath the bleachers over to her car. 

“Bet you will,” Dean mumbled to himself looking back out onto the field. 

He leaned his head against the steel, letting out a heavy sigh. Tensing his jaw Dean dropped the cigarette to stomp it out. This time he didn’t bother to pick it back up, he would if he remembered before he left. For now he was a little occupied watching the practice currently taking place. A crush on a football player. This was new. Usually football players weren’t Dean’s type, but to be fair they were all assholes and straight. He didn’t typically let himself develop crushes on straight guys. Counterintuitive. 

“Fuck,” Dean mumbled again, this time lightly smacking his forehead against the steel. 

Practice didn’t last much longer. Dean had planned on slipping out right as practice ended, but he had gotten so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn’t noticed everyone was already in the locker room. He dropped down to pick up the stomped out remains and place it back in the pack. Slinging his bag over his shoulder Dean walked out from underneath the bleachers. In doing so he bumped straight into Roman. Shirt in hand and sweaty Roman. 

Dean’s mouth went dry, “Um.”

“Hey?” Roman squinted, tilting his head a little bit to the right, “What’re you doing here?”

Dean blinked hard, “Uh, forgot my, um, bag. What what’re you doing over...here?”

“Water bottle,” Roman pointed to the water bottle sitting on the edge of the bleachers. 

Dean nodded, looking down, avoiding eye contact. 

Roman nodded awkwardly, “Uh, you need a ride home?” 

Dean’s mouth moved to form words but it took a second for some to come out, “You don’t have-” 

“No I know,” Roman sighed, “I’m offering. You know like a friend, I’m trying to be your friend?”

Dean looked up and caught Roman’s eye, “Right.”

“So,” Roman dragged out the syllable, “you gonna let me take you home?”

“Are you going to put that shirt on?”

Roman laughed at that, play punching Dean’s shoulder, “Yeah.”

Roman slid his shirt on and reached around Dean for the forgotten water bottle. As much as Dean wanted Roman to put the shirt on, he also wished he hadn’t. 

Roman nodded his head toward the parking lot and Dean followed after him like a lost puppy. 

Roman’s truck was parked in the back right hand corner, the last parking spot. It was fairly old, yet shiney and black. Obviously well taken care of. Other vehicles were parked along the edges of the pavement. There was just barely enough room to navigate between them. Dean slid into the passenger seat, sliding his hands between his thighs and squeezing lightly. Roman hopped into his seat and put the key in the ignition. 

Hand still on the key Roman turned to Dean, “Buckle.” 

Dean stared at Roman blankly.

Roman’s shoulders softened, “Your seatbelt.”

For a moment Dean’s mouth was shaped in a O before shutting it and nodding. He moved his hands from between his thighs to fasten his seatbelt. 

Roman turned the key, then he buckled himself. 

As Roman slowly made his way out of the parking lot Dean tried to relax his muscles. The radio was off and there was a slight bit of awkward tension in the car. The kind of awkward tension that stands between two people who don’t know each other very well. 

“Why was your bag under the bleachers?” Roman blurted out. 

“What?” 

“You said you forgot your bag under the bleachers.” 

“Um, yeah. Just, hanging out, y’know?” Dean shrugged. 

Roman hesitated, “Were you smoking under the bleachers?”

Dean tilted his head to the side a bit and turned in his seat to face Roman, “Why? You gonna rat me out for it?” 

“No,” Roman shook his head, “Just curious. I know that’s something people like to do.” 

“Ah.” 

“Were you just by yourself?” 

“Left.”

Roman took a quick look at Dean, “What?” 

“Left at the stop sign,” Dean pointed ahead. 

“Oh. Right. Obviously,” Roman blinked a couple of times, “Sorry.” 

“Then turn right onto that road up ahead and all the way down that street.” 

Roman followed the direction given. As he made the right turn he flicked on the radio to fill the silence left in the truck. Tension slowly leaked through the cracks and out into the wind. An ease started to overcome the two boys as the silence grew comfortable. Dean let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. He laid his head back against the headrest. 

“It’s the one with all the lights on the porch,” Dean murmured. 

With a soft sigh Roman pulled into Dean’s driveway. The house appeared to be about one story high with the porch being only a step up off of the ground. A couple of fairly comfortable looking chairs were placed to the right of the door with a little table in between, a small lamp placed on top. There was no fencing around the porch, the only thing breaking up the perimeter were the columns holding up the roof christmas lights ran around them and around the roofing. Roman imagined it’d look quite magical lit up in the dark. A bright contrast against the dull blue of the outside paneling. Despite being on a fairly full street this house was partially secluded. 

Dean unbuckled himself and reached for the door handle. Roman caught his attention by grabbing his arm. Dean glanced down at Roman’s hand and back up to his eyes. 

“Heh,” Roman let go of his arm, “Sorry I just, uhh, here put your number in my phone and I’ll text you later. Maybe we can actually hang out or something.” 

Dean raised his eyebrows and nodded slightly, grabbing the phone and typing in the number. When handing the phone back Dean gave Roman a shy smile. 

“Yeah, I’ll text you later,” Roman smiled back. 

“Cool,” Dean shrugged. 

Roman patted Dean’s knee, “See you tomorrow.” 

Dean’s breathing hitched, “Yeah you too.” 

With that Dean grabbed his bag off of the floor and slid out of the truck. He waved goodbye to Roman who was pulling out of the driveway. Dean let out a heavy sigh before heading into the house. As usual no one was home yet. He just hung up his jacket and kicked off his sneakers into the corner near the door. Immediately he made his way down into the basement. It’s a walkout basement, but no one ever uses the sliding glass door as an entrance so it was covered up with a tapestry. Without the light on the main area tends to be quite dark all times of day. Once in his bedroom he dropped the bookbag on the ground and flung himself back first onto the bed. 

The spot on his knee where Roman touched him still sort of ached, same with where he had grabbed Dean’s arm. It was as if a ghost were applying pressure to the exact same spots. He groaned and flung an arm over his eyes. This wasn’t a real crush. Dean didn’t get real crushes. Crushes to Dean were just an itch that needed to be scratched. A short term attraction that went away after a quick fuck or two. Sadly that wasn’t an option this time around. It was just down to Dean and his right hand. 

With an irritated huff he slid his free hand over his crotch and started palming himself. Biting his lip he grinded up into his own hand. His other arm still draped over his eyes. Although he enjoyed the sensation he was weighing his options. Getting off always gave the short-term relief he needed. An escape from his feelings. A small whimper made its way through his bitten lip. It wasn’t so much about the pleasure as it was about stopping the feeling. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, both hands going to undo his belt. 

Hastily Dean unbuttoned his jeans and pulled his semi hard on out of his pants. He brought his right hand up and spit on it a couple of times. There was lube in the desk a few feet away from him, but he was just too lazy to grab it. As soon as there was a decent amount of spit on his hand he went straight for stroking himself to full length. He was just above average, but not far off. Big enough. Especially considering he’s the only one it’s being used to get off. 

Dean brought his hips up off the bed to better meet his own strokes. Legs spread as far as they could go and up on his tippy toes. His upper back was pressed down firmly into the mattress. Eyes were squeezed shut, head also firmly down on the mattress. He tightened his grip. Every now and again he would twist his wrist during a stroke. The only thing tighter than his grip on his dick was his grip on the fistfull of blanket in his left hand. 

The pace of his breathing had already increased drastically. There were times when he cared to drag out the pleasure portion, but now was not one of those times. His legs began bouncing up and down shaking wildly as they did so. Breathy moans and small gasps were no longer being held back by a bitten lip. The upward thrusts had fallen out of time. Dean paused to spit on his hand a couple more times before starting back up at a faster pace than he had stopped at. A thin sheen of sweat began to coat his body. Heart pounding in time with sloppy strokes that were growing sloppier by the second. 

His whines became higher and higher pitched. There was a tightening in his gut and another in the base of his throat. He opened his eyes, gaze focused on the wall the bed rests against. With a few final strokes his eyes rolled slightly back into his head and his legs gave out from underneath him. He choked on a breath before fully relaxing down onto the bed. A light flush stained his skin and cum coated his hand. 

Through heavy breaths he heard the front door open. He shut his eyes once more and groaned. Propping himself up on his elbows it was clear that cum had splattered onto his jeans and the edge of his shirt. Pushing up the rest of the way Dean pulled his shirt off. He wiped off the remaining cum on his hand and dick. As he stood he slid his pants off and stepped out of them. He pulled on the first pair of sweatpants he saw and the pullover hoodie that was draped over the desk chair. 

After a deep breath he grabbed his phone and sat down on his bed, back against the pillows. Sure enough there was a text from Roman. 

[Hey, it’s roman] 

Dean pulled his hood up and saved Roman as a contact in his phone. There was a moment of hesitation, fingers hovering over the keyboard before pressing send. 

[hey] 

He clicked the phone off and dropped it at his side and ran a hand over his face. Tossing his cum covered clothes in his hamper was probably a good idea. Doing laundry as soon as possible was also probably a good idea. Tossing the clothes was also a good way to occupy a few seconds as he waited for his mother to call him up for dinner. From the smell of things that’d be any minute. 

The moment he opened the bathroom door he heard his mother yell for him. 

“Be up in a minute!” he yelled back. 

He tossed the clothes into the hamper then headed upstairs to sit at the table. A bowl of spaghetti sat in the empty spaced on the table. There was a full glass of water sitting there for him. He put some spaghetti in the empty bowl in front of him and began twirling the fork around in the bowl. William and his mother sat either side of him both watching. 

“How was school?” his mother asked in a chipper tone. 

“Alright,” Dean mumbled. 

“You go to all of your classes?” William piped in. 

Dean glanced at him, one eyebrow raised, and took a bite of his food. 

“Dean,” his mother sighed. 

“Education is important,” William insisted.

Dean rolled his eyes but nodded along nonetheless. 

“Dean-” William started. 

“Are we going to have this argument every night?” Dean interjected. 

William let out an exasperated sigh. 

“How was work dear?” she asked. The same chipper tone.


	3. The Waiter

As Dean started to come to there was a light throbbing sensation all around his head. Waking up with a dull ache in his head was nothing new. Weekends like this one weren't exactly few and far inbetween. Liv’s dad was always out of town for business purposes which left the house open for whatever. A night of drinking left Liv in her bed, Alexa curled up in a big recliner under a thick blanket, and Dean sprawled out on the couch under a much thinner blanket. Sunlight trickled in through the blinds dimly lighting the room. 

Before opening his eyes Dean stretched his arms and legs in opposite directions feeling a few pops in his spine and a refreshing stretching sensation along his whole body. With a groan he blinked his eyes open and felt around for his phone. It was wedged between the couch and the cushion, plugged into the wall. He unplugged and checked his phone before dropping it on his stomach and rubbing his face. The time was just after 8:30 in the morning and all he wanted to do was spend the rest of the day sleeping off his hangover. 

The sound of an opening door and the soft creaking of floorboards let Dean know that Liv was now awake as well. She was wearing some light grey joggers with a baggy cropped tank on top. Her pink hair was up in a messy ponytail and her glasses were on, face still puffy from sleep. 

“Good morning,” she said softly while taking a seat on the couch armrest near Dean’s feet. 

“Hmmph,” Dean laid his head back, “Sleep well?” 

Liv smiled slightly, “Was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.” 

“Me too.” 

“Mm,” Liv replied. 

The two of them sat there quietly for a few moments, brains still foggy from sleep. 

“You’re gonna hafta wake Alexa up,” Liv spoke flatly. 

Dean sat up, turning his body to be sitting on the couch correctly, and looked at Alexa’s sleeping form, “Why can’t you do it?” 

“I bought the alcohol. Waking the demon is your job.” 

“I’m gonna die because someone else bought the alcohol,” Dean mumbled. 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Poke her with a broom or something,” Liv teased, “Stay out of swinging distance.” 

Dean ran a hand over his face, “I could poke her with my finger and still be out of swinging distance.” 

“So do that,” Liv patted him on the shoulder. 

Dean rolled his eyes and pushed himself up off the couch. For a split second the edges of his vision went dark, but it went away once he was steady. The chair was only a couple of feet to the right of the couch and angled diagonally towards the TV. Alexa was sleeping peacefully, completely wrapped up under the blanket, head laying on the armrest. Despite how sweet she looked waking her up was a complete nightmare. It’s almost as if there’s a demon inside of her and it wakes before she does. 

Standing on one foot he nudged Alexa with the other. There was no response so he nudged her a few more times. Alexa groaned and covered her head with the blanket. Dean looked over his shoulder at Liv who just shrugged. He rolled his eyes and turned back to Alexa. 

“Come on geddup,” he said, nudging her with his foot once again. 

“Fuck off,” Alexa grumbled, her words were muffled by the blanket. 

He nudged her again, “Up.” 

Alexa flung the blanket off her top half and swung towards his leg, “I said fuck off.” 

Dean took a step further back out of reach. 

“How are we supposed to go to the diner for breakfast if you’re asleep,” Liv coaxed. 

“She has a point,” Dean added. 

“You shut the fuck up,” Alexa pointed at Dean.

He put his hands up in defense and went to sit back down on the couch. Alexa sat up, putting her head in her hands and just breathing for a moment. The other two just sat quietly, watching her. 

“Okay,” Alexa started, “just let me change. Then I’m fine to go.” 

“Your bag’s in my room,” Liv offered. 

Alexa just nodded. After a moments pause she stood, stretching towards the ceiling and yawning as she did so as she did so. Seeing Alexa yawn prompted Liv to as well. 

“Goddammit,” Liv mumbled. 

Alexa rolled her neck and headed off to Liv’s room. Dean had fallen asleep in his jeans and black pullover hoodie, Liv was just down a jacket. The diner wasn’t too far away from Liv’s house about a five minute drive. Before she could drive they would walk to the diner the morning after heavy drinking. It was tradition at this point. 

Liv yawned again, “I’m tired.” 

Dean nodded slowly, “Me too.” 

“Just wish I was already sitting in the diner with a nice hot cup of coffee in my hands,” Liv cooed. 

Dean laid his head back over the edge of the couch, “Soon.”

“Mm, soon.”

Liv pulled her vape out of her pocket and took a rather large hit. Without looking at him Liv held it out for him to take. He grabbed it and took a hit as well. The flavor was something fruity, most likely cherry. Once she took it back she took another hit. Soon after Alexa reappeared, dressed in black leggings and a pink sweater with her spiked pink jacket on top. 

“Alright,” Liv stood, “Ready?” 

“I’m ready if you are,” Alexa responded. 

The girls both looked towards Dean. 

“As I’ll ever be,” he sighed, standing as well. 

“Anyone need and ibuprofen before we go?” Liv asked. 

Alexa and Dean both shook their heads. Liv started walking towards the door, the other two following suit. She grabbed a jacket off the hook by the door that Dean swore was actually Sonya’s and headed outside. The ride to the diner was a quiet one. They were all a little too tired to hold a conversation. Inside the diner was fairly full, it was a Sunday morning afterall. A seat was open in in the corner to the right of the door. The three took their seats in the booth. Liv sat by the window in the seat against the wall, Alexa sat beside her, and Dean sat across from them already fidgeting with the empty mug in front of him. Not even a minute after they had arrived a waiter was at their table. 

“Hello, I’m Baron I’ll be your waiter today,” he said placing menus down in front of them, “Can I get you guys any drinks? Coffee?” 

Baron was tall, dressed in a blue flannel and a black beanie. On his shirt he had a pin that served as a name tag and around his waist was an apron. Since the diner was locally owned the dress code wasn’t exactly strict. Just wear your waist apron. 

“Coffee would be nice,” Liv smiled. 

Alexa nodded smiling as well, “Coffee and a lemonade.”

Baron turned to Dean eyeing him up and down, “Coffee as well?”

“Mhmm,” Dean hummed as he mimicked Baron’s action of eyeing him up and down. 

“Alright, I’ll be right back with that,” Baron smirked. 

Dean turned his head to watch Baron walk away for a minute before turning back to look at Liv and Alexa who were both smiling wide. 

“Don’t fucking say anything,” Dean grumbled. 

“He was checking you out!” Liv insisted. 

“You were checking him out,” Alexa added. 

Dean just rolled his eyes and shook his head still fidgeting, only setting the mug down as Baron returned with a pot of coffee. As Baron poured coffee in the girls mugs Dean quit fidgeting with his, setting it off to the right of him to make it easier for Baron to pour. Before pouring Dean’s cup Baron glanced at Dean for another moment. 

“I’ll be right back to take your orders,” Baron smiled. 

Liv and Alexa looked at each other and then back at Dean both smug with their eyebrows up.

“Is he new?” Dean asked, changing the subject only slightly. 

“More importantly is he into guys?” Liv pointed out. 

Alexa tilted her head back, “Gotta be.” 

Just then Baron returned, notepad in hand, “Alright, and to eat?”

Liv turned sideways in her seat to face Baron, “I’ll have french toast, she’ll have chocolate chip pancakes, and he’ll have an order of home fries. Also are you gay?” 

“Oh,” Dean paused, rubbing his hands on his face, “my god.” 

Alexa snickered in amusement. 

“Um,” Baron physically took a step back before regaining composure, “Why, you interested?” 

Liv put a hand on her chest, “Me? No.” 

A smug look washed over Baron’s face as he eyed Dean for a second, “I’ll be back with your food shortly.” 

Dean watched Baron until he was gone, then he snapped back to face Liv, “I can’t believe you just fucking did that.” 

“Really? You can’t,” Alexa tilted her head to the side. 

Dean shook his head, “No, I can, I definitely can.”

Liv shrugged and turned to face forward in her seat again, “We had to know.”

“We did not need to know,” Dean mumbled. 

“Whatever,” Liv said as she leaned forward propped her elbow on the table and laid her head in her hand. 

“Uhh,” Dean groaned, “I need to puke.” 

“So go puke,” Alexa waved her hand in the direction of the bathroom. 

“Going to,” Dean slid out of the booth and headed off towards the bathroom. 

The two single stall bathrooms were tucked away near the kitchen and thankfully there wasn’t anyone in either. Dean slid into the one to his left and locked the door behind him. He pulled the seat up and dropped to his knees in front of the toilet. After closing his eyes and taking a deep breath he gagged and spilled his guts into the bowl in front of him. He repeated the action a couple of times until he felt better. Wiping his mouth with his hand he stoop up. After flushing down the puke he put the seat back down. Stepping in front of the sink he looked at his reflection in the mirror. He stood there silently for a few seconds, eyes scanning over his appearance. He looked every bit as rough as he felt. 

“Shit,” he mumbled to himself. 

He rubbed his eyes then turned on the cold water. Once the water was cool enough he started to splash it on his face. The headache he had began to subside and he took a steadying breath. Bracing himself on the sink he watched the water run for a few moments more. Straightening himself he turned off the sink and took another look at himself. Still rough. Dean sighed and exited the bathroom. Walking out the door and directly into Baron. 

“Sorry,” they both said instinctively. 

“Sorry,” Dean uttered again. 

Baron looked over his shoulder towards the dining area, “Your uh friend is very forward.” 

Dean nodded, “You’re telling me.” 

“She do stuff like that often?” Baron asked, switching his gaze back to Dean. 

Dean slid his hands into his pockets, “Oh yeah. Wish she’d have a little more tact.” 

“Right,” Baron looked away and then back again. 

“So you didn’t really give an answer,” Dean trailed off. 

Baron smirked, “So you’re the one that’s interested.” 

Dean squinted a bit and cocked his head to the side. 

“Yeah, bi, but I do like guys yeah,” he explained. 

“Oh,” Dean started, “good.” 

Baron nodded, “So how old are you?” 

“18,” it was a lie. A small lie, but a lie nonetheless. 

“If I give you my number will you text me later?” Baron asked. 

“If you want me to,” Dean replied. 

When Dean returned to the table it was with a smug grin and Baron’s number in his phone. 

“You better have gotten his number,” Liv blurted out. 

“Saw that?” Dean asked. 

Alexa took a sip of her lemonade, “Oh yeah.” 

“So? You get it?” Liv pressed. 

“Yes I got it,” Dean rolled his eyes. 

“Thank you Liv,” Liv joked. 

Dean shook his head, “No.” 

Before she could respond Baron arrived with their breakfast. He gave Dean another lingering glance and headed back towards the kitchen. Once Baron had passed by Dean gave the girls a quick eyebrow raise and smirk. 

“Let’s eat,” Alexa exclaimed.


	4. The Game

“It’d be cool if you came to a game.” 

“What?” 

Dean was looking at Roman with a confused look on his face. Their psychology teacher was out and instead of getting a sub they got to sit in the library for an extra study hall. Currently Roman was sitting across from Dean at their table in the back corner of the room. 

Roman looked up from his work, making eye contact with Dean now, “I said it’d be cool if you came to a game.” 

“Like a football game?” Dean asked. 

“Yeah,” Roman nodded, “I know you said it was stupid and that you didn’t get the point but I think you should give it a try. Think it’d be fun.” 

Dean slouched back in his chair, “You make it sound like we’d be hanging out. We wouldn’t. I’d be sitting in the bleachers watching you. Sounds like a waste of time.” 

“We can hang out after,” Roman offered. 

“You think hanging out with you is worth all the pain and suffering of watching a high school football game?” Dean crossed his arms. 

Roman shook his head and turned his attention back to his work, “Alexa and Liv are always in the stands, hang out with them during the game.” 

Dean kept his attention on Roman, “You’re not going to drop it until I agree to it are you?” 

“Nope,” Roman stated. 

“Why’s it so important to you?” Dean asked. 

Roman sighed, “Because I’m trying to be your friend and friends go to friends games.” 

Dean stayed quiet, just studying Roman. 

Roman looked back into Dean’s eyes and Dean swore he felt his heart skip a beat. 

“Please Dean?” Roman breathed. 

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, hesitant at first and then more frequent, “Yeah okay I’ll go.”

The next game was on Friday. Dean made plans with Liv and Alexa to go and like all their plans it involved a bit of law breaking. Sonya was going as well, but she was driving a cheerleader named Mandy home after the game. As for before the game? Liv had managed to get ahold of a 12 pack of twisted tea that the three of them all chipped in on. They split it, four for each of them. An empty trash bag and the 12 pack were stashed on the floor of the backseat of Liv’s car ready for Friday night. 

Friday night rolled around faster than Dean would have liked. As much as he wanted to do everything before and after the game he wasn’t too big of a fan of having to actually sit the through the game. Having the girls there would lessen the blow a little bit and the alcohol would lessen the blow a lot a bit. Dean sat on Liv’s bed while her and Alexa fixed their hair and makeup. 

“I just don’t get it,” Dean started, “I mean what’s the point of going to a game to watch people you don’t like run around. What’re you supposed to do cheer them?” 

“Some people actually like them,” Liv shrugged. 

Alexa pointed the curling iron in her hand at Dean, “Plus cute boys on the other team.” 

“And cheerleaders!” Liv added. 

“Yeah you know me,” Dean breathed, “Love some cheerleaders.” 

Liv reapplied her lipgloss, “Must you be so difficult?” 

“I must,” he responded. 

“Oh joy,” Liv teased. 

“You know,” Alexa tied half of her hair in a low pigtail, “we’ve been inviting you to these games. Every time we go we invite you. You always say no, but Roman asks you once and all of a sudden here we are getting ready to go to a game.” 

“Oh my god!” Liv gasped excitedly. 

Dean and Alexa both gave her a confused look. 

“You were watching Roman at practice that day we were sitting under the bleachers,” Liv accused. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dean responded, flat out denying it. 

Liv moved to shove Dean’s arm, “I told you I’d figure it out! You just can’t hide things from me. I’ll always find out eventually.” 

“Whatever,” Dean crossed his arms defensively, “Fine yeah it was Roman. Happy?” 

“Delighted,” Liv tapped Dean’s cheek a couple of times. 

“So what? You’ve got a crush on Roman?” Alexa questioned. 

Dean groaned, “I don’t wanna talk about it.” 

“Fine. We’ve got to go anyway,” Liv ran a hand through her hair. 

Alexa pulled a grey beanie on, “We’re talking more about this later, I wanna know all about it.”

Dean just rolled his eyes and stood up. He gestured for the girls to exit the room. Getting in the car they all took their regular seats, Alexa in the passenger seat and Dean in the back behind Liv. It was beginning to get dark outside and the streetlights were on. The sky was a pale blue shade but pink around the tree line. A few stars already sat in the sky. They drove in quiet, the only sound was the Pink Floyd cd playing through the speakers. 

At the school Liv pulled into a more hidden spot. All the spots around it were already occupied with empty cars and there wasn’t a light near by. Liv turned the car completely off and unbuckled herself. Alexa turned around in her seat, bringing her legs up to site criss cross. Dean pulled the 12 pack out of the trash bag and ripped the box open. He handed the first one to Liv, second to Alexa, and opened the third one for himself. 

“So about your crush on Roman,” Alexa cut the silence. 

Dean decided instead of answering he’d just chug down his drink. 

Alexa smiled and shook her head, taking a drink of hers as well. 

After another moment Liv spoke, “Tell me again why we chose to do this.” 

“Alcohol,” Alexa supplied. 

“The chance of getting caught gives you an adrenaline rush?” Dean tried. 

“That,” Alexa agreed. 

Dean picked up a second and started drinking it. 

Liv gulped down the rest of her first one and made a grabby hand towards the box, “It’s a good thing I have a lot of practice drunk driving.” 

“I don’t think that’s a good thing,” Alexa denounced. 

Dean handed her a new bottle and tossed her old one in the trash bag alongside his own first one, “Does come in handy though.” 

“Fair,” Alexa reached down and grabbed a second one for herself. 

In silence they sat, gulping down their seconds and then their thirds. The game was starting soon and if they didn’t make their way through their drinks fast enough then they might miss the start. They didn’t have to worry about seats because Sonya was already sitting in the stands saving them. 

“Think anyone will notice we’ve been drinking?” Liv asked, taking the bottle Dean was offering her. 

“Yeah, but I don’t think anyone will say anything,” Dean gulped down the last of his final bottle of twisted tea and dropped it in the bag. 

Alexa handed Dean her empty bottle and grabbed the last bottle, “You guys drink too fast.” 

“You drink too slow,” Liv pointed out. 

Alexa rolled her eyes and chugged down the rest of her bottle. Liv had already finished hers and Dean had put the empty box in the trash bag with all of the empty bottles.

“Ready?” Liv asked. 

Alexa nodded and Dean grabbed his door handle. 

“Okay,” Liv opened her door and slid out of the car. 

They made their way through tickets without incident despite the cop standing next to the ticket stand. Liv started giggling not even five feet away from the ticket booth. Alexa smacked her arm before breaking out giggling as well. The seats Sonya had saved were near the front all the way on the left side of the bleachers. Save for a bit of giggling they made it to their seats without incident as well. Liv sat down next to Sonya, Alexa sat beside Liv, then Dean sat on the end beside Alexa. 

With the aid of the alcohol Dean was able to allow himself to get into the game more than he usually would. Dean didn’t really catch the end result of the game, but he did know that their team won. Dean was dreading the thought of their team losing. A win was a relief, it meant that Roman would be in a good mood. Post game the audience began to trickle out. All four of them found their way out to Sonya’s car which was parked directly in front of the school’s gym exit. Sonya had her arm around Liv’s waist as they were chatting away with Alexa about some girl they didn’t like. Dean was zoned out watching the door for Roman. 

Mandy came out first, smiling as she approached, “Hey!” 

“Took you long enough,” Sonya joked. 

“Yeah well you know how things are. What’re you guys talking about?” Mandy asked. 

Liv rolled her eyes, “Carmella.” 

“Bitch,” Mandy muttered. 

Alexa nodded violently, “Right!” 

Liv giggled a bit before pulling her vape out of her pocket and taking a big hit right out in the open, not caring about any adults seeing her. Roman wasn’t far behind Mandy, walking out in a group of guys from the team. After spotting Dean he gave a nod in acknowledgment saying his goodbyes to the guys he was with and headed over.

“Hey,” Roman interjected. 

Everyone mumbled a hey back. Alexa and Liv were both smirking at Dean. 

Roman looked at Dean, “Ready to go or do you need a minute?” 

“I’m good to go,” Dean shrugged avoiding eye contact. 

“Alright,” Roman breathed, “Well it was nice seeing you all.” 

“I’ll see ya guys,” Dean said taking a step away towards Roman. 

“See ya,” Liv called after them as they started walking to Roman’s truck. 

Roman was parked a row back and a little bit to the left from where Sonya was parked. Without a word the two both got in the truck and Roman started it up. Remembering last time Dean instinctively buckled up. Dean shivered, he was only wearing a long sleeve shirt and it was getting cold now that he didn’t have the body heat of the stands. 

“Are you cold?” Roman turned the heat all of the way up. 

Dean shrugged, “It’s not a big deal.” 

“Here,” Roman took off his varsity jacket and held it out for Dean. 

Dean hesitated, mouth open slightly. 

“I’m overheating anyway. If I get cold I’ve got another jacket in the back. C’mon you’re cold,” Roman insisted. 

Dean gave in and took the jacket, he unbuckled to put it on. Putting it on the jacket was already warm from Roman wearing it. Dean sat back and buckled up again. 

“Thanks,” he mumbled. 

Roman waved him off, “No problem. So what do you wanna do?” 

“Not sure,” Dean shrugged, “Beach?” 

“It’s October,” Roman replied. 

“Coward,” Dean snorted. 

Roman shook his head and put a hand on the wheel, “Fine we’ll go, but you’re not getting in the water.” 

Dean laughed, “Wasn’t planning to. We can just walk along the waterline, sit in the sand. It’s pretty peaceful at night.” 

“It’s dark,” Roman noted as he pulled out of his spot and began heading towards the beach. 

“Oh is it?” Dean responded, “Hadn’t noticed.” 

“Okay smartass, you do this a lot?” Roman raised an eyebrow. 

“Yeah,” Dean admitted, “but usually there’s alcohol involved. I could get alcohol if you want.” 

Roman cringed a bit, “No thanks, I don’t drink. Even if I did I’m driving.” 

“Right,” Dean deflated a bit. 

It remained quiet for the rest of the drive. The tires rolling over gravel was the only sound to fill the air. The beach was just outside of town. In the summer it was busy, but during other seasons it was completely deserted. There was a bit of backroad driving involved in getting there, but it was always worth it if you asked Dean. Roman pulled in and parked right up next to the beach. The sky was still dimly lit, it hadn’t gone totally dark, never did. When Roman shut the truck off they both sat there and breathed for a moment. Neither made a move to get out of the vehicle, just looking out at the water through the windshield. 

“Well,” Dean sighed, grabbing the door handle and getting out. 

Roman remained still, watching him. 

“Coming?” Dean asked. 

“Yeah,” Roman opened his own door, “Yeah.” 

Dean led the way. He walked down to the waterline then took to trailing along it. Roman stood on his left, closer to the water. They walked silently, listening to the sound of their steps in the sand and the waves crashing in the distance. Dean had his hands in the pockets of Roman’s jacket, occasionally swaying accidently too close. He blamed it on the alcohol. 

Roman nudged Dean’s side, “I got a question for you.” 

“Hit me,” Dean nudged him back. 

“Do you drink a lot?” Roman glanced at Dean. 

Dean paused a minute before answering, “Does it matter?” 

“A little bit,” Roman admitted. 

“By normal people standards?” Dean began, “Yeah, sure. By my standards? Could be a lot worse. I dunno my dad never stopped drinking so I have a hard time gauging what’s a normal amount and what crosses the line.” 

Roman hummed, “Does he still drink a lot?” 

“He’s in prison so I doubt it,” Dean kicked a bit of sand to the side. 

“Sorry, I-” 

Dean cut Roman off, “No big deal dude.” 

“The amount you should be drinking at 16 is none,” Roman switched the subject back. 

Dean snorted, “Nearly 17. Is the amount for 17 still none?” 

Roman nodded, smiling now, “Yes. The amount you should drink under the age of 21 is none. Then you play it by ear and try not to be an alcoholic.” 

“Being an alcoholic is kinda cool,” Dean joked. 

Roman nudged him again, “What makes you cool at 17 makes you pathetic when you’re 30.” 

“Harsh,” Dean laughed, “So you aren’t gonna drink at all until you’re 21? Drinking as a teenager is like a right of passage. You don’t want to try it even once?”

Roman shrugged, “Maybe. I mean I’m not going to go out of my way, but maybe.” 

“Everything’s worth trying once. Unless it’s like heroin or meth or something,” Dean swayed close to Roman, possibly too close he thought. 

“Fair enough,” Roman agreed. 

The two continued to walk along in comfortable silence. Every now and again one would nudge the other, Dean continuously swaying near and away from Roman. Neither really wanted to go home yet. Dean secretly wished the night would never end and they’d just stay walking the waterline for eternity. Life didn’t work that way though, and they did have to go home. They rode back in quiet not even bothering to turn on the radio. 

Dean got out of the truck, not saying anything, just giving Roman a slight smile and a small wave. As soon as he stepped through his front door he realised he was still wearing Roman’s jacket. He ran out the door to see Roman pulling out of the driveway. Clearly Roman had noticed him because the truck stopped moving and slowly making its way way back down the driveway. 

Dean slid the jacket off walking up to Roman’s window, “Here. You forgot this.” 

“Thanks,” Roman tossed the jacket into the passenger seat.

“See you Monday,” Dean said.

“See you Monday,” Roman said back.


	5. Halloween Hangout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mwah

“So you got any plans for Halloween?” Dean asked. 

About 20 minutes ago Roman had called so they could do their psych work together over the phone. Roman had begun calling to do their homework together to make sure Dean was actually getting it done. Reluctantly Dean was actually doing the work, not wanting Roman to question him once they got to class. It would be a lie if Dean said he wasn’t paying more attention to the depth of Roman’s voice and the way it vibrated through Dean’s body. 

“Are you trying to change the subject?” Roman hit back. 

“So what if I am?” Dean challenged, leaning back in his desk chair. 

He heard Roman chuckle through the phone, “Then I’d say no I don’t have any Halloween plans and then we’d get back to working.” 

Dean’s heart fluttered at the sound of Roman’s laugh. A feeling of dread washed over him and without thinking he began to rub his left hand against the fabric covering his crotch. 

“Can we get back to work?” Roman joked. 

Dean undid his belt and unzipped his jeans, “Well I was going to ask you if you wanted to hang out with me and my friends Halloween.” 

“Oh,” Roman paused, “What were you planning on doing?” 

Dean had his hand down his pants, rubbing his hardening cloth covered dick, “Haven’t figured that out yet.” 

“So what, just hanging out and doing whatever comes to mind?” Roman asked. 

“Well Alexa’s planning it,” Dean slid his hand into his underwear and began stroking his now hard cock, “So it’s going to be something festive.” 

“She into doing all those cheesy festivities?” Roman laughed. 

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore his own hand fisting his dick, “Yeah. We’ve already done two haunted houses, a haunted corn maze, and a pumpkin walk. She’s watched a horror movie everyday this month. She loves festivities.”

“She like this every holiday?” Roman questioned. 

“Pretty much,” Dean bit his lip immediately after the words left his mouth to stop a groan. 

“That’s cute,” Roman admitted. 

Dean sped up his hand then slowed it back down again, “She likes to think so.” 

Dean leaned as back far as the chair would allow and then snapped back forward again. He held the bottom of the phone a little further away from his head. A shaky breath escaped his lips as he sped his hand back up again. Small whimpers rose and died in his throat. The chair made small creaking sounds as it shook back and forth in time with his hand. He curled his toes into the wood floor beneath him. 

Thinking became harder as his brain fogged. His heart hammered in his chest, his hand jerking faster. A thin layer of sweat began to form on Dean’s skin. He leaned forward and laid his forehead on the desk. Every second that passed his body temperature rose a bit. 

“Yeah I’m down to hangout Halloween,” Roman agreed, “You want me to drive you?” 

“If you want to,” Dean managed to grit out through his teeth. 

“Who’s going?” Roman asked.

“Alexa obviously, Liv,” Dean paused, shaking his head for a bit of clarity, “Sonya, Mandy.”

“What you don’t have any guy friends?” Roman teased. 

“You,” Dean choked out.

“Ahh,” Roman’s tone still lent itself to teasing. 

“To be fair,” Dean slowed his hand down and bit his lip hard, “Sonya and Mandy aren’t really my friends. Just Liv’s girlfriend and her friend.” 

Yanking the phone away from his ear Dean gasped harshly, fighting off a moan. He began to involuntarily tap his left foot against the ground. Breath was caught in his throat as he jerked back in the chair. Again he was leaned back, rocking forward a couple of times. He blinked hard and shook his head once. The room felt like it was on fire. After another gasp he brought the phone back close to his ear. He heard Roman hum and the soundwaves set Dean’s very soul on fire. Dean let out a childish while that he was thankful Roman either didn’t notice or just ignored all together. 

“Fair enough,” Roman replied, “Sounds like it’ll be fun regardless if Alexa’s the one planning it.”

“Yeah, hey I’ve got to go. I’ll,” Dean’s breath caught in his throat, “I’ll talk to you later.” 

“Yeah, talk to you later,” Roman repeated. 

“Talk to you later bye,” Dean hung up the phone as soon as the last syllable left his mouth. 

Spitting on his right hand a couple of times Dean switched to jerking with his right hand. He let out a few throaty moans before finally letting go and spilling over into his underwear. His hand stilled but remained on his dick. Mind fogged he breathed hard and fast. Grimey. He felt grimey, inside and out. Shame washed over him from having jerked it over the phone to an unsuspecting Roman. 

His eyes slid shut as he laid his forehead back down on the edge of the desk. He picked his head up and slammed it back down, repeating the motion a couple of times as he groaned. Head stilled on the desk he slid his hand out of his pants and wiped the extra cum on his jeans. Fingers interlocked at the base of his skull, elbows resting on the desk either side of his head. He needed a shower and some knew clothes. 

Getting in the shower was one thing, doing anything inside of it was another. His hope was that a shower would clean the grease he felt on the inside. Getting off stopped the fluttering blushy feeling he was having, but now he felt guilty. Guilt was worse Dean had decided. He ran both hands down his face and scrubbed up and down a few times. If Roman had any clue he’d either beat the shit out of Dean on the spot or never speak to him again. Probably both. 

Halloween is on Tuesday, meaning he only has to get through Sunday and Monday. Only two days. It felt both short and entirely too long to wait. As guilty as he felt now he couldn’t help but to be excited about hanging out with Roman. He would take any excuse to be around Roman.

* * *

Dean went straight home after school. Normally he’d just go with Liv and Alexa and watch as they got ready, but Roman had offered to drive him to hangout. Dean wasn’t in the business of turning down anything Roman offered. So instead he sat on his front porch smoking a cigarette. Everyone was getting dressed up for the night so at the moment the whole town was quiet. 

The air was brisk and only meant to get colder. Roman would be there any minute so Dean had ditched his jacket inside. In doing so he hoped Roman would end up giving him his jacket again, it had been so nice and cozy the first time. Dean had been wishing he had completely forgot to return it in the first place. Though if he was being honest if he had kept it he probably would’ve jerked himself to it. 

Headlights appeared in the distance, slowly crawling towards his house. Once close enough Dean was able to identify the vehicle as Roman’s truck. He sighed, standing up and stomping out the remainder of his cigarette. As he slid the discarded cigarette back into the pack Roman began to pull into the driveway. Slowly the truck came to a stop. Dean wandered over to it and opened the passenger side door. He offered Roman a smile and hopped in. 

Roman smiled back, “Do we have a destination?” 

Dean pulled the door shut, “Do you know where the cemetery is?” 

“Of course we’re going to a cemetery,” Roman laughed. 

“Having a picnic,” Dean let his eyes linger at Roman’s lips for only a split second. 

“Aww,” Roman cooed, “That’s a cute idea.” 

“Glad you think so, ‘s what we’re doing,” Dean joked.

“What all’s in the picnic?” Roman let his eyes wander up and down Dean, but only for a moment. 

“Not sure,” Dean shrugged, “we’re kinda at the mercy of the girls on that one.” 

Roman nodded, “Buckle.” 

Dean rolled his eyes, but did as he was told. Roman took the vehicle out of park and began to back out of the driveway. Inside the car was warm. Music was playing softly over the radio. The cemetery was up past the school, there was a little bit of backroad driving involved to get there. People generally didn’t spend too much time at the cemetery outside of funerals, but it was fairly well lit regardless. There weren’t any fences to block it off, so hanging out in the cemetery from time to time really was fair game. 

The ride over was quiet. At some point during the ride Dean had noticed Roman’s varsity jacket sitting in the back seat. Roman was currently wearing a black hoodie instead. Dean wondered briefly if there was a reason Roman was wearing the hoodie when he usually wore his varsity jacket. He decided to not pay any mind to it, his goal was to wear it anyway. 

Pulling up to the cemetery the two spotted Liv and Sonya’s cars parked right outside. The girls were already up at the top of the hill setting up the picnic. Dean was the first to get out of the truck, standing with the door open watching Roman. Roman opened his door but paused, eyes trained on Dean. 

“What?” Dean asked, shifting foot to foot nervous under Roman’s gaze. 

“Where’s your jacket?” Roman cocked his head to the side. 

Dean looked down at his long sleeve shirt, “Shit. Took it off when I got home. Forgot to grab it when you showed up. It’ll be fine, it’s whatever.” 

“Here,” Roman reached into the backseat and grabbed his letterman jacket, “I’ve always got a second jacket. Wear this.” 

Dean caught the jacket as it was thrown to him, “Thanks.” 

Roman just nodded and got out of the truck. Dean slid the jacket on and shut the door. The jacket hung off of him, clearly too big and smelling of Roman. Walking up to where the girls were they were side by side, Dean was trying not to smile. His plan had worked out, but he couldn’t give away that fact. That would make things weird. 

Up at the top of the cemetery the girls were all sitting on a big blue blanket that they had set up. There were a couple of boxes of pizza and a stack of paper plates. Just off the blanket were a couple of two liter bottles of soda and a stack of plastic cups. The girls were all sitting near each other on the perimeter of the blanket. All four of them waving as soon as they spotted Dean and Roman. 

“That’s not your jacket,” Liv pointed at Dean once they had reached the blanket. 

“Forgot mine,” Dean shot her a look. 

Roman shrugged, “I’m starting to think you just don’t have one.” 

“Nah he’s just super forgetful,” Alexa put emphasis on the super and raised her eyebrows at Dean. 

Dean shook his head and sat down on the blanket, Roman following suit and sitting beside him. Unlike Dean and Roman the girls were all wearing costumes. Clearly the four of them had gone with a Batman theme. Liv was Harley Quinn, Sonya the Joker. Mandy had gone with Catwoman and Alexa was the Riddler. 

“Now that you guys are here,” Alexa reached into her jacket pocket, “Watermelon, blueberry, or pineapple?”

“Ooh, I love blueberry,” Mandy gushed. 

“I’m good with blueberry,” Liv nodded, “Sonya?” 

Sonya shrugged and placed an arm behind Liv, “I like blueberry.” 

Alexa pulled out a joint with blueberry flavored paper and held it out towards the boys, “Any objections?” 

Dean shook his head. 

Roman shook his as well, “I’m not smoking.”

Alexa gave a quick shrug, “Suit yourself.” She lit the joint, taking a hit and passed it to Liv. 

They passed it around the circle, double checking that Roman was sure each time around the circle. Soon enough all the food was gone and the joint was smoked. The sun had gone down and the only thing keeping the cemetery lit was all of the lights set up around the place. The six of them packed up and headed back down to their vehicles at the bottom of the hill. All of them had agreed to go back to Alexa’s to watch a movie. 

Dean was quiet on the ride over, giving the occasional direction to help Roman navigate. Roman kept glancing over at Dean who hadn’t noticed, he was too busy looking at the stars out of his window.

“They drive high a lot?” Roman broke the silence.

Dean was caught off guard by the question, “Uh, I don’t know about Sonya. Liv does yeah. Drunk, stoned, on acid, doesn’t matter.” 

“Don’t get in the car with her like that.” Roman said. 

Dean turned to look at Roman, studying him for a moment before responding, “Well what else am I supposed to do?” 

“I don’t know,” Roman sighed, “Just call me or something.” 

Dean shook his head, “So if I call you stuck somewhere and drunk you’ll come get me?” 

“Yes.” his tone left no room for argument. 

After a few more moments of studying Roman, Dean turned his head back to look out of the window. Aside from the sounds of wind whipping by the truck the rest of the ride was quiet. There was something in the air. Something between a comfortable silence and tension. They got to Alexa’s right after the girls. The six of them walked into the house, Roman being the last one through the door.

Liv and Sonya took their seats on one end of the couch. Mandy plopped herself down in the armchair while Dean sat himself on the floor. Alexa was up at the TV, going through movies she had set out earlier and Roman just stood there awkwardly for a minute before deciding on sitting beside Dean on the floor. 

Alexa turned the face the group holding up two movies, “House of 1000 Corpses or The Ring?” 

“I’ve never seen House of 1000 Corpses,” Sonya admitted. 

“Everyone cool with House of 1000 Corpses?” Alexa asked. 

Everyone around the room nodded. Alexa smiled and turned back around to put the movie in the DVD player. Once she had pressed play on the movie she moved to sit down on the side of the couch that Sonya and Liv weren’t sitting on. 

Dean was jumpy. He hated horror movies but he wasn’t in the business of ruining everyone else’s fun. On one particular scare Dean had jumped practically into Roman’s lap, hiding his face in Roman’s shoulder. Roman held his hands out in the air. 

“Sorry,” Dean whispered, “just hate horror movies.”

The interaction hadn’t caught the attention of anyone else in the room and Dean was thankful for that. 

  
“It’s alright,” Roman whispered back, patting Dean’s head who flinched at the action.


	6. Beach Drinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst has entered the chat

The semester was coming to a close and so was Dean and Roman’s psychology class. It was late November and they had just been assigned their final project. They had the better part of a month to work on it, but Roman had insisted they get it done as soon as possible. Dean had never gotten the point of doing things early, he had done everything last minute his whole life and he hadn’t completely flunked out yet. Roman had a different way of doing things though. Doing things Roman’s way meant two things, one: Dean got to spend more time with Roman and two: Dean didn’t have to worry about whether or not he’d pass the class. 

For their project they had to come up with an experiment and test it out. Roman had insisted that they hit up the library after school to sort out the whole project. Dean didn’t put up too much of a fight. They were sitting across from each other, Roman had all of the assignment criteria out in front of him. Dean sat there and watched, not being much help at all. 

“It wouldn’t kill you to give some input,” Roman mumbled, looking down at a sheet of paper. 

Dean leaned back in his seat, arms crossed and head tilted to the side. 

Roman sighed and looked up at Dean, “Any ideas at all?” 

There was more of an ease to his voice this time around. His sigh was more exasperated as opposed to the accusatory tone his original statement held. Dean uncrossed his arms and sat forward in his chair again. He bit his lip in thought, looking back and forth between Roman and the paper in Roman’s hands. 

“Why’re we even doing this right now. We’ve got plenty of time to finish it,” Dean ranted. 

“Why can’t you take this seriously?” it was Roman’s turn to lean back in his seat. 

“I am,” Dean argued. 

“Are you? Because it doesn’t feel like it,” Roman challenged. 

Dean gritted his teeth, “I am. I’m just dumb.” 

“That’s a great point,” Roman huffed, “We can do our project on the intelligence level of people who abuse substances versus those who don’t.” 

Dean grabbed Roman’s pencil and threw it at him, “You’re such a fucking dick.” 

“At least I’m not a stoner,” Roman teased. 

“Oh yeah lucky you. Sober all of the time,” Dean rolled his eyes. 

The two of them looked at each other. Slowly smiles started forming on both of their faces. Roman tossed the pencil back at Dean. Dean picked up one of the papers on the table and tossed that at Roman, followed immediately by the pencil again. 

“We’re gonna get kicked out,” Roman chuckled. 

“Good,” Dean ran a hand through his hair, whispering the next part, “Then we can go drink instead if you’re gonna be a little bitch about me doing it all the time.”

“You need AA,” Roma flung the pencil back at him. 

Dean picked up the pencil and started fiddling with it, “I think you think I drink way more than I actually do.” 

Roman shrugged in return.

“Come on teen angst, rebellion, all that bullshit. Let’s go have some fun,” Dean tapped both his palms against the table a couple of times. 

“We have to work,” Roman insisted. 

“We can work on it tomorrow,” Dean pointed out.

Roman was hesitant, “I don’t know.” 

“It’ll be fun,” Dean assured him, “Football’s over, you’ve got nothing to worry about. It’ll be fun, you’ll have fun. I promise.” 

Roman took a minute to think about it, “Fine. Let’s do it. I’ll do it.” 

Dean’s face lit up, “You’ll do it?”

Roman laughed and stood up, “Yes. Now come on let’s go before I change my mind.”

Dean stood up as well. The two packed everything up and headed out to Roman’s truck. Dean practically bounced the whole way there. Roman had told him to quit being so smug about it or he’d change his mind. All Dean could do was grin like an idiot. They had to drive over to Dean’s house to grab the alcohol. There was a bottle of fireball under his bed and two beers he stole out of the fridge. 

Under Dean’s influence they decided on driving down to the beach once again. That was the one place Dean was confident going to. At the beach Dean had never once gotten caught doing anything. It was the space he went to be alone with his thoughts. Despite the long walk there and back, though back usually helped lessen the effects on the alcohol. 

Roman had insisted on putting a jacket over the bottles just in case. Dean suggested that Roman was just paranoid. Regardless they wrapped up the alcohol in the extra jacket Roman keeps in his truck and placed it on the floor. Roman had a very cautious nature. On one hand Dean rolled his eyes at it, on the other hand Dean was grateful for it. If he let Roman be careful then it eliminated the risk of going home with a police officer in toe. 

When they arrived at the beach Roman put the truck in park and shut it off. Dean went for the door but Roman grabbing his arm caught his attention. Dean looked at Roman with confusion in his eyes. 

“Take your jacket off.” Roman demanded. 

“What?”

“Take your jacket off,” Roman insisted. 

Dean shook his head, “No. What the fuck? Why?” 

“Here,” Roman took off his varsity jacket and dropped it in Dean’s lap, “Wear that. I’ll carry the jacket with the alcohol so it just looks like I’m carrying my jacket and not like we’re breaking the law.” 

“Nobody’s here,” Dean argued. 

Roman exhaled hard, “Can’t you just do what I tell you to do?”

Dean maintained eye contact with Roman while he slid off his black denim jacket, putting the pack of cigarettes and lighter in his back jean pocket and tossed it into the backseat. He put Roman’s varsity jacket on again before picking up the jacket containing the alcohol and handing it to Roman. 

“Happy?” Dean asked sarcastically. 

“Elated,” Roman replied, grabbing his keys out of the ignition. 

Dean finally tore his gaze away from Roman to open his door and get out. Not waiting for Roman Dean took off immediately to the waters edge. He squatted down and took a seat, legs bent and feet only an inch or too far from the water. Roman wasn’t too far behind, jacket under his arm and looking around to make sure they really were alone. 

“You know,” Dean said once Roman was beside him, “I really didn’t need to switch jackets. Could’ve just taken yours off and thrown it in the back.”

“Right,” Roman stated. 

“So why’d you make me take my coat off?” Dean asked. 

He watched as Roman’s eyebrows furrowed, as if he himself didn’t know the answer to Dean’s question. 

“Wasn’t thinking,” Roman’s tone changed to a teasing one, “Guess I’ve just gotten used to you having to wear mine all of the time.” 

“Twice. I’ve worn your jacket twice,” Dean shoved Roman’s arm. 

Roman held up three fingers, “Three times now.” 

“Whatever,” Dean unfolded the jacket and pulled out both beers, “Give me your keys I forgot to grab a bottle opener.” 

Roman handed over his keys. Dean popped the cap off of one and handed it to Roman. Not taking it at first Dean jerked it forwards towards him a couple of times until Roman finally took it from him. Next Dean opened the other bottle and took a sip immediately. Dean handed the keys back to Roman who was just staring, almost in awe. Dean gave him a weird look and took another sip. 

“What?” Dean asked. 

“Nothing you just,” Roman gestured vaguely, “You just went for it.” 

Dean nodded slowly, “Are you going to take a drink or just watch me?”

Roman hesitantly brought the bottle to his lips, “How’re we going to get back if I drink this.”

“One beer isn’t going to impair you,” Dean took another sip, “Look at the size of you.”

“Right, I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine,” Roman tried to assure himself. 

“You’ll be fine,” Dean reassured him. 

“I’ll be fine,” Roman mumbled finally taking a small drink of the beer in his hand.

Dean watched Roman as a hint of disgust washed over his face. Roman took a second to look at the bottle before taking another, longer drink this time. Dean drank from his as well. The two of them sat in silence, the lake providing background noise for them as they drank. The sand was cold beneath them. The hair Roman’s arms his hair was starting to stand up but he made no move to put his jacket on. Seeing this Dean snuggled further into Roman’s coat. 

“It’s gross,” Roman stated plainly. 

“Yeah,” Dean agreed, “a little bit.” 

“Really underwhelming,” Roman set the bottle down and slid the jacket on.

Dean shrugged, “That’s life.” 

Roman picked his drink back up for another swig, “So what is it that makes you want to do it?”

“Drink?” Dean took another sip. 

“Yeah, drinking,” Roman clarified, “It can’t just be because you’re a pain in the ass teenager.”

“Well that is part of it,” Dean admitted, taking a rather large swig this time, “I dunno man. I just like the way it makes me feel. It’s like being dead inside, but with a happier tone.” 

“You feel dead inside a lot?” Roman took a sip of his beer, watching Dean carefully. 

“I dunno man,” Dean mumbled, “can’t you ask me an easier question?”

“Okay,” Roman dragged out the word. 

Dean chugged down the last bit of the beer and set the bottle down, hugging his knees to his chest. Roman took a couple of sips of his beer as well. Dean picked the half empty bottle of fireball up off the ground and began to fiddle with it. Switching his gaze back and forth between Roman and the whiskey. 

With a big wave crashing the water line moved forward and then back to it’s normal length again. Wind blew harder causing Dean to snuggle even further into the jacket. He set the bottle down and wrapped his arms around his knees, laying his head down on one. Quietly he watched Roman think. All Dean could think about is how much warmer he’d be if he had Roman’s arms wrapped around him. 

Finally Roman broke the silence, “Are you and Alexa like, you know?” 

Dean furrowed his eyebrows, “Together?” 

“Yeah,” Roman took his final sip of his drink, setting the empty bottle next to Dean’s. 

“No, uh, not really my uh,” Dean raised his eyebrows quickly, “my type.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” 

“What is your type,” Roman pressed. 

“Um,” Dean picked his head up and pulled his knees tighter to his chest, “guys.” 

“Oh.”

“Sorry.” 

“Why’re you sorry?” Roman asked, concern etched on his face. 

“Sorry for being, um, y’know,” Dean shook his head, “Just sorry.” 

“It’s okay that you’r-” 

“C’mon try the fireball,” Dean picked up the bottle and took off the cap. 

“Gay,” Roman finished. 

The two sat there staring at each other. Dean shivered a bit and he wasn’t entirely sure it was the cold. There was an indescribable feeling in the air between them. It was almost as if all of space and time melted away and left just the two of them sitting on a floating block of sand. Dean rolled his shoulders, putting the whiskey down and pulled the pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket. He pulled one out and lit it. Roman looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t and Dean was grateful for that. 

Roman let out a heavy sigh and picked up the whiskey, taking a swig and coughing lightly when in touched the back of his throat, “It fucking burns.”

Dean nodded slowly once, “Yeah.” 

“Do you want to go home?” Roman asked, putting the cap back on the bottle.

Dean took a long drag of his cigarette, “Can we just sit here quietly for a while?”

Roman nodded.

“Thanks,” Dean trained his gaze on the lake in front of him.

So they did. They sat there for well over an hour, just looking out into the distance. Every now and again Roman looked Dean over instead and Dean ignored it. The sun was setting and the air was getting even colder around them. Roman nudged Dean who just nodded. They picked up their stuff and headed for the truck. Getting in Dean changed back into his oversized black denim jacket and turned to look out the window. The radio played at a rather loud volume the whole drive, the two of them letting the music swallow the moments whole. 

Dean nodded his goodbye, sneaking the bottles inside and down to his room. He replayed the interaction in his head a few times over. Laying on his bed he began to take bigger and bigger swigs of fireball. No matter how much he drank he couldn’t change the sobering reality that Roman was straight. Nothing Dean could do about it. Roman would never be into Dean and probably wanted to put as much distance between the two of them as possible. 

Dean pulled out his phone and sent a text. 

[To Baron: heyy remember me?]


	7. Bad at Coping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> welcome to bad decision central  
> population: Dean

A few minutes later Dean got a reply from Baron. 

[Yup what’s up?] 

Dean shook his head. This was stupid. Always was. There was no reason for him to jump right into whoever’s bed just because some straight boy doesn’t like him. Dean groaned and slammed the back of his head back against the headboard. He left his phone laying at his side, bringing both hands up to rub his face. Sitting in bed drinking wasn’t drowning any of his feelings like he had hoped. Maybe it was because Roman had drank from the bottle, maybe it was just because drinking your problems away didn’t actually help. 

Hesitantly he picked his phone back up and sent a response. 

[busy tonight?] 

As soon as it sent he heard his mom call him for dinner. He tossed the phone to the side and rolled out of bed. The whiskey was tucked back away underneath his bed. He ran a hand over his face, it was warm. Cursing himself out he just had to hope that they didn’t notice the redness of his face. Shaking his head he headed out of his room and up the stairs, holding onto the railing the whole way up.

At the top he rubbed both hands against his face once again. Taking a deep breath he stepped out into the kitchen/dining room. William was setting the food on the table and his mother was filling up glasses with water. He took his seat at the table, eyeing William cautiously. Getting things past William was a lot harder than getting things past his mother. Sitting slightly drunk at the dinner table was a risky game that Dean played far too often. 

Looking Dean over William sighed and shook his head, going over to grab one of the three glasses Dean’s mother was carrying. They all sat quietly around the table for a moment. His mom forced a smile and began to build her burger. Going around they all took their turn grabbing food, Dean shoveling more pasta salad on his plate than he normally would. The first few bites were silent. A tenseness always seemed to be in the air. 

“Are you feeling okay sweetie you look a little flushed,” his mother asked, voice laced with concern. 

Dean didn’t miss the look William shot his mother. They knew and she was ignoring it. 

“Feeling alright,” Dean took another bite, “Just a little warm.” 

“Maybe take some ibuprofen, though you might want that in the morning instead,” William suggested. 

His mother forced another smile, “How was hanging out with that Roman boy?” 

“Alright,” Dean chewed his lip. 

“Well it’s nice to see you hanging out with a boy your age isn’t it William?” she smiled wider. 

“Yes, it is,” William agreed. 

“Why?” Dean asked plainly. 

The tension in the room grew. All of them focusing a bit more attention on their food. Dean knew what she meant. He also knew what direction this conversation was heading in. There wasn’t much he could do to change it, he just had to sit through it. So he waited, shoveling as much food down as quickly as possible. The faster he finished his food the faster this whole scenario could come to an end. 

“Well,” his mother began, “it’s just. Hanging out with girls all of the time. I mean we don’t know what you kids are getting up to. William knows what I mean.”

“I do,” he nodded. 

“You’re a teenage boy and-” 

“Gay?” Dean cut her off, not bothering to make eye contact. 

His mother paused, “Maybe you can take Alexa to prom. She’s a pretty girl.” 

“Rather take Roman,” he mumbled to himself. 

“What was that?” she asked. 

Dean shook his head, “She’ll probably want an actual date for prom. Got plenty of options.”

“Well what about Liv?” his mom questioned. 

“Got a girlfriend,” Dean sighed. 

She forced yet another smile, “That’s lovely. Is she pretty?” 

Dean cocked an eyebrow, and looked at his mother for the first time that night, “I guess.” 

“I’m sure they make a lovely couple,” she turned her attention back to her plate. 

Dean just sighed and went back to eating his dinner. Silence fell over the table once again. Soon enough Dean had finished his food, put his plate in the sink, and headed downstairs. The first thing he did when he got back to his room was check his phone. 

He had one text from Baron. 

[Why? Looking for some fun tonight? ;)]

Dean rolled his eyes and typed out a response. 

[only if ur up for having some]

Dean laid back down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Baron wasn’t entirely who Dean wanted to spend his night doing, but he was better than nothing. It wasn’t like Baron was ugly, he just wasn’t Roman. Dean groaned, spending his time thinking about Roman was a waste and he knew that. Dean also knew that the only way to get over Roman was to try. 

His phone buzzed beside him. 

[Need me to pick you up?]

Dean held the phone up above his face to type a response.

[yeah after midnight headlights off] 

Clicking his phone off he tossed it to the side and took a deep breath. He had to make sure nobody heard him leave or come back. Furthermore he had to hope Baron didn’t get too into questioning him. He began tapping his foot against the air, biting down on his lip. Trying not to get lost in his thoughts Dean contemplated just why exactly he felt the need to get off whenever he felt overwhelmed. It wasn’t sure if it was something he actually wanted to know. 

Dean shook his head. He rolled over and reached down underneath the bed to grab the fireball. Figuring he should just finish the little bit that was left he sat up and tossed the cap beside him. He took a big gulp and let the burn warm up his insides. 

He had gotten a reply from Baron. 

[Live with parents still?]

Dean took another sip before typing out a reply. 

[yeah, don’t want anyone to wake up. here’s the address]

Polishing off the rest of the bottle Dean screwed the cap back on and slid it under the bed again, he would throw it away along with the beer bottles later. For the next few hours he had to find something to do. Against his better judgement he decided to try and throw some ideas together for his and Roman’s psychology final. He figured that way it’d give him something to talk about next time he saw him. Grabbing the assignment papers and a pen he got to work. 

* * *

As per Dean’s request Baron pulled in the driveway with his headlights off. Once Dean got the text that Baron was there he made his way quietly up the stairs, bottles in hand. He slid on his sneakers and jacket before heading out the door. The door creaked softly. Dean hoped the door wasn’t loud enough to wake anybody up. On the side of the house sat the trash and recycling bins, Dean tossed the bottles into the recycling and headed for Baron’s car. 

Getting into the front seat Dean smiled at Baron, “Long time no see stranger.” 

The car was warm inside, a nice contrast to the brisk November air. Baron let out a small laugh and backed out of the driveway. Taking off to hook up with a stranger really wasn’t anything new for Dean, but that fact still didn’t completely calm his nerves. Excitement mixed with anxiety bubbled up inside, needing this was an understatement if you were to ask Dean. Once down the road Baron flicked the headlights back on. After a few minutes of driving Baron spoke up. 

“Just so we’re clear,” Baron began, “I don’t play nice.”

“Fine by me,” Dean rasped out. 

“And it’d be cool of you to refer to me as Alpha,” Baron added casually. 

Dean felt a jolt of excitement run up his spine, “If that’s what gets you off dude.” 

The rest of the drive was quiet. Getting to the apartment complex felt like it took an agonizingly long time when in reality it probably only took 15 minutes. On the way inside the building Baron gripped Dean’s arm hard and practically dragged him all the way up the stairs to the apartment. Dean wouldn’t be surprised if there was a bruise there in the morning.

As soon as they got through the door Dean was slammed back against it. A yelp escaped him. Baron’s lips found Dean’s, hands moving to push his jacket down his arms. He kicked off his shoes while Baron tossed his jacket to the side, lips never leaving Dean’s. Dean pushed on Baron’s jacket as well. For a moment Baron obliged and tossed his jacket to the side as well. Afterwards Baron gripped both of Dean’s wrists and pinned them behind him against the door, holding them in one hand. 

Pulling back from the kiss Baron spoke, “Just remember who’s in control.” 

“You Alpha?” Dean teased, pressing his chest further against Baron. 

Baron raised an eyebrow, “You’re going to be a pain in my ass aren’t you.” 

Dean smirked, “Think that’d make us even.” 

Mild amusement showed on Baron’s face as he took a minute to really look Dean over. He pulled Dean away from the door, hand still holding wrists, and started walking him forward to the bedroom. Every few steps Dean would drag his feet causing Baron to push him with a bit more force. He couldn’t see Baron’s face, but guessing from the heavy sigh each time, he was probably vaguely annoyed by the action. That was Dean’s goal anyway. 

Stopping them in front of the bed Baron released his grip on Dean’s wrists instead grabbing the hem of Dean’s shirt, pulling up. Dean lifted his arms and the shirt slid right off, Baron tossing it to the side. Baron unbuckled Dean’s belt and pushed down on his jeans. He stepped out of his pants and kicked them to the side, turning around to pull Baron in for a kiss. A few moments into the kiss Baron pushed Dean down onto the bed. 

“What did I tell you?” Baron pulled off his own shirt and tossed it to the side as well. 

Dean rolled his eyes and leaned back on his elbows, “Oh blow me.”

Baron smirked and undid his own belt, “I’d rather you blow me.” 

Baron grabbed Dean by the hair and off of the bed onto his knees in front of him. With one hand still gripping the teen’s hair Baron used his other to pull out his cock and stroke it lightly. Dean drummed his fingers against his thighs, licking his lips in anticipation. Once at full hardness he pulled Dean’s head up to the tip of his dick. Opening his mouth Dean leaned forward, starting to suck on the tip as soon as it was in his mouth. 

The hand Baron had on his dick continued stroking as Dean sucked and swirled his tongue around the tip. In contrast the hand in Dean’s hair tightened in grip causing Dean’s head to crane back. Dean brought up one hand to grab onto the hand in his hair. Baron took that as his opportunity to shove himself further down the teen’s throat. Opening is mouth wider Dean continued to swirl his tongue along the shaft. With a dark chuckle Baron yanked Dean’s head the rest of the way back and in turn shoving the rest of his cock down Dean’s throat. 

Dean’s other hand came up to grip the waistband of Baron’s jeans. He knew he was probably in over his head with this one but he couldn’t be asked to care. Instead of fighting it he just let Baron roughly fuck his throat. Tears were forming in Dean’s eyes as he looked up towards Baron and for what it counted, the face fucking didn’t last too much longer anyway. With a harsh yank back on his hair Dean came off of Baron’s dick with a wet pop. 

Releasing his grip on Dean’s hair Baron down at smirked at him, “Like that?” 

When he didn’t get a response beyond gasping Baron gripped Dean’s jaw, “I said, like that you stupid fucking slut?”

“Yeah,” Dean breathed. 

Baron’s grip tightened, “Yeah what?”

Dean grimaced, “Yeah Alpha.”

Baron let go of Dean’s jaw and pushed his face to the side, “Good boy.”

Opening the drawer to the bedside table Baron pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom. He grabbed Dean’s arm again and stood him up. Baron went in for another kiss, Dean obliging. Fingers found their way under the waistband of Dean’s underwear. Baron’s hands slid underneath the fabric to grasp Dean’s ass for a few moments before yanking down the garment and shoving the teen back down onto the bed. 

Dean kicked his underwear off the rest of the way, scooting up the bed a small bit. Baron grabbed both of Dean’s wrists once again, this time pinning them above his head. He held them there in his left hand and opened the bottle of lube with his right. Just managing to get the lube on his fingers, Baron dropped the bottle back down onto the bed. Leaning back down for more kissing Baron shoved his pointer finger into Dean.

One finger soon became two, Baron swallowing down every whimper and moan along the way. As much fun as Baron was having, he was growing impatient. Pulling away from the kiss, Baron pulled his fingers out of Dean and picked up the condom, ripping it open with his teeth. His unwillingness to release Dean’s wrists meant he was sliding the condom on with only one hand. 

Once the condom was on Baron managed to coat it with a bit more lube. He lined up with Dean’s entrance and started to push in slowly. Dean pressed his head back into the matress, biting his lip to stifle any sounds that might come out of his mouth. Baron groaned softly as he bottomed out inside of Dean. They stayed still for a couple of moments. Dean could already feel himself letting go of his earlier feelings, at least for the time being. Right now the only thing he could concentrate on was the dick in his ass and the person it was attached to.

Dean whined deep in his throat, beginning to squirm the best he could underneath Baron. 

“You want me to move?” Baron raised an eyebrow and smirked, “Beg me.” 

“Please?” Dean tried. 

“Please what?” Baron squeezed harder on his wrists. 

Dean huffed out a sigh and rolled his eyes, “Please Alpha?” 

Baron pushed Dean’s head to the side a couple of times, “Now try it without the eye roll.” 

“Please,” Dean whined, “fucking please Alpha?”

The only response he got from Baron was pulling out and a sharp thrust back in. Dean wrapped his legs around Baron’s waist to help keep in time with Baron’s fast paced thrusting. Baron leaned back down to kiss and bit along Dean’s neck, nipping a bit here and there. It could of been minutes, it could’ve been hours. Dean wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, the world had disappeared around them all he remembers is all of a sudden feeling the familiar bubbling from deep inside his core. 

“God, fuck, I’m gonna cum,” Dean choked out. 

Baron moved his free hand to start stroking him. Slow at first, then speeding up to match the pace of his thrusting. He returned his kisses to Dean’s lips, forcing his own tongue down Dean’s throat. Thrashing under Baron’s hold it was only a minute later that Dean felt himself release, cum splashing across his bare stomach. Baron picked up the intensity of his thrusts searching for his own release now. 

Once he was there Baron pulled out and pulled off the condom, stroking himself to completion coating even more of Dean’s stomach and chest in cum. After catching his breath Baron let go of Dean’s wrists and stood all of the way up. He surveyed his work with a smug grin.

“You were fun,” Baron stated as he zipped up his pants and redid his belt. 

Then Baron moved to pick up Dean’s clothes, tossing them at him, “You can wipe the cum off when you get home. Now let’s go, get dressed.” 

The ride back was quiet and Dean was in the shower the minute he got home. That hollow feeling that always followed began to eat him up. His muscles released some tension as he stood under the water trying not to think about Roman. Roman was all he thought about. He had to find a way to keep Roman off his mind.


	8. Dye Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hair dye's cheaper than therapy

“You’ve been moping all week, just get your ass over here and I promise I’ll help you feel better,” Alexa pleaded through the phone. 

“I have not been moping,” Dean denied her claims. 

He heard her laugh through the phone, “Bullshit.” 

If he was being honest with himself he was moping. Ever since the beach with Roman he just felt weird inside. Roman has just been carrying on business as usual, but Dean’s heart aches a little bit whenever he sees Roman smile. He had skipped almost every class throughout the week, choosing to walk around town smoking instead. Though he still didn’t skip out on psychology. Every time Roman tried to work on the project outside of class Dean had told him he was busy, just handing his sheet of ideas to him and calling it good. 

“Come on, come over and help me dye my hair,” Alexa begged. 

“You’re not capable of doing that yourself?” Dean ran a hand through his hair. 

“I have alcohol,” Alexa sang. 

Dean perked up at the mention of alcohol, “What about your parents?”

“Visiting around the town my brother’s college is in before bringing him home for the holidays. They’ll be gone for a few days so we’re clear for tonight. Come on, come have fun,” Alexa explained, the smirk could be heard in her tone. 

With a sigh of defeat Dean replied, “I’ll be over in a bit. I have to walk remember.”

Alexa laughed again, “And it’s worth it because you love me.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Dean breathed out heavily, “I’ll be there in a bit. Bye.”

“Bye.”

He hung up the phone and slid it into his pocket. Slowly he emptied out his backpack and threw in some clothes for the night instead. A pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. He packed his phone charger as well. Alexa’s house was a bit of a walk, about 15 minutes in total. He should probably tell his mother that he’s going to be gone. With a sigh he slung the bag over his shoulder and went to look for his mother to let her know. Up the stairs and in the kitchen his mother stood, drinking a cup of tea.

She smiled when she saw him, “Going somewhere sweetheart?” 

“Yeah I just came to tell you,” Dean adjusted the strap, “Going to Alexa’s for the night.”

“Is Liv going?” she asked. 

“Does it matter?” Dean leaned against the counter. 

His mother set the mug down, “Well are her parents home?” 

Dean studied his mother carefully, “You don’t usually ask this many questions.”

She sighed, “Well sometimes when a boy and girl are alone-”

“Still don’t like girls mom.”

The two just looked at each other. His mother’s pleading eyes struck a chord deep within him. Anger bubbled up but he tried to just push it down. Ignore it. He understood where his mother was coming from on the subject, but that didn’t make it any less frustrating. He’d been repeating himself since he was 13. It was the same conversation, same result. 

“Tastes change. Could be a phase,” she offered. 

“Could just be me,” Dean pointed out. 

She shook her head, “Don’t say that.” 

Her tone, much like her eyes were pleading. He couldn’t help but to think that maybe if his mother could just accept him than maybe he wouldn’t be so weird about people knowing. He always assumed rejection, when he told Liv and Alexa, on the beach with Roman. Neither times was he actually rejected, but he still felt gross about them knowing. Less so the girls, it’s been so long now it doesn’t even matter. 

“I’ll be back in the morning,” he stood up from his leaning position. 

His mother just reached up with one hand, cupping his face. A soft smile appeared on her face as she nodded. She dropped her hand away and picked her tea back up. He walked to the door, putting on his jacket and shoes before heading out. Once outside he took a deep breath in. Now on top of being mopey he was slightly frustrated. He hoped that the walk over would provide him with the ability to cool off. 

There was a light dusting of snow on the ground and the air was biting. He knew he was underdressed for the weather but figured the constant movement would warm him up enough. Getting to Alexa’s probably would gone a lot quicker had he not moped the whole way there. As long as he got there he figured Alexa wouldn’t mind too much. He knocked on the door a few times until she answered. 

“Oh good. Took you long enough,” Alexa walked away from the door, leaving it open for Dean.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Dean shut the door behind himself, kicking his shoes off in the process, “So more about the alcohol.”

Alexa rolled her eyes, “We can drink after I dye my hair. Don’t exactly want that fucked up.” 

“Let’s get to doing that then,” Dean hung his jacket over the back of a chair. 

Alexa walked towards the bathroom, motioning for Dean to follow her. The bottle of dye was sitting on the counter with her vape next to the sink. Dean moved to sit in the tub, legs dangling over the rim. Already in her dye shirt Alexa took a big hit of her vape. She held it out towards Dean. Once he took it she pulled a black glove onto her left hand. 

“How much are you doing this time?” he took a hit off her vape. 

Alexa was pinning up the top half of her hair, “Probably collarbones. Unless you think I should do less.”

Dean shook his head and took another hit, “No collarbones is good.” 

Alexa hummed in response. 

She took off the cap and pealed back the safety seal. The pink was bright and on the warmer side of things. Alexa had been dying the ends of her hair pink for as long as Dean can remember. Pictures of her with just blonde hair always looked weird to Dean. Little by little she smooshed dye into her ends. Occasionally she’d ask Dean for a hit and he’d hold the vape up to her mouth for her. 

“You know,” Alexa started as she let down the top half of her hair, “I was thinking.”

“That’s not good,” Dean took another hit off the vape.

Alexa smiled, “Well you see, I’ve got plenty of hair dye left.” 

“You want to dye my hair?” Dean raised an eyebrow. 

Alexa bounced a bit on the balls of her feet, “Please.”

Dean was hesitant, “I don’t know.” 

“Come on,” Alexa coaxed, “Girls always dye their hair when they’re mopey. It’s a proven way to feel better. I’ve tested it many times.”

“You know what,” Dean ran a hand through his hair, “Fuck it.”

“Fuck it?” Alexa turned to look at Dean.

“Fuck it,” he reitterated. 

Alexa smiled wide and picked up the pace on her own hair. She made sure each strand was saturated and even ran a comb through it a few times just to make sure she had gotten an even coat everywhere. Dean just anxiously hit the vape until she was done. At no point had Dean ever considered dying his hair any color, let alone pink. However at this point he figured maybe a change would be nice, and maybe help him feel better. 

With a devious smile Alexa turned to him. 

“Oh boy,” he mumbled. 

“You’ll be fine,” Alexa picked up a clump of dye and smothered it on top of his head, “See? What’d I tell ya? Fine.”

Dean moved to sit on the rim of the tub instead, “No going back now I guess.” 

“Nope, so sit still I don’t want to get dye on your shirt,” Alexa started to distribute the dye more thoroughly. 

Dean sighed heavily and just let Alexa do as she pleased. He didn’t have an overwhelming amount of hair, just enough to get in his eyes, so it didn’t take her very long. Maybe 10 or 15 minutes he sat there letting her smoosh dye into every inch of hair he had. Once she was pleased she set a timer on her phone and tossed the glove in the trash. 

The two of them heading into the kitchen where Alexa had the vodka and redbull, and sprite for when they ran out of redbull. Alexa poured a cup for both of them. As soon as it was in his hands Dean took a big gulp. Alexa raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. She just drank her vodka redbull and felt around her pockets. 

“Did you leave my vape in the bathroom?” she asked.

“No,” Dean pulled the vape out of his pocket and handed it to her, “Put it in my pocket.” 

Alexa nodded and took a hit. Dean finished off the rest of his drink, letting Alexa pour him a second one. He took just as big of a first drink. What he’s upset about isn’t even that big of a deal but that fact only makes him more upset. It’s stupid to be upset that a straight guy doesn’t like him back and he knows that, but it doesn’t stop him from being upset. 

“So why are you moping?” Alexa asked bluntly. 

Dean raised his eyebrows and took another sip, “Nothing. It’s stupid.”

“Does it have to do with Roman?” Alexa took a sip as well.

Dean nodded.

“Yeah he was asking about you,” Alexa paused, “What happened?”

Dean let out a heavy sigh, “I got him to drink with me. He asked if we were together. Told him no I like guys and then I got all weird on him. It was like all of a sudden I realised that no matter how much I like him, he’ll never like me back.”

“If he’s not into you then he’s just a dick for leading you on,” Alexa stated coldly. 

Dean laughed bitterly, “He didn’t even know I was gay. How exactly was he leading me on.”

“He’s always wearing his letterman jacket,” Alexa took another sip, “Then the one time you need a jacket he’s not wearing it.”

Dean furrowed his brow, full attention on Alexa now. 

“He let you cuddle up to him during the movie because you were scared,” Alexa continued. 

“You saw that?” a slight blush began to form on Dean’s cheeks.

“Yeah, I did. For Christ’s sake he let you goad him into drinking. He’s always asking me about you, seeing if you’re okay and stuff. If he doesn’t like you than I don’t know what,” Alexa polished off the rest of her first drink and poured a second. 

Dean stayed quiet and sipped on his drink. She had a point but he just couldn’t see past Roman being straight. That was the one thing throwing a wrench in the whole thing. 

“I fucked that waiter,” Dean changed the subject. 

“Yeah?” Alexa took another hit off her vape, “He got a big dick?”

“Proportionate,” Dean swirled his drink around in the glass. 

“Good for him,” she nodded. 

Dean just hummed and took another drink. 

Eventually, a few drinks later, the timer went off and they headed back to the bathroom. Alexa reached up an pulled the shower head down. Aiming the shower head at the tub she turned on the cold water, checking it with her hand before leaning over and beginning to rinse the dye out of her hair. She was leaning over the edge of the tub, hair dangling away from her body. The water running down into the tub was bright pink. After a few minutes the water was running clear and Alexa’s ends were completely soaked. 

“Hand me a towel?” Alexa set the shower head down inside the tub. 

Dean handed her a towel, “How cold is it?” 

“Oh you’re going to hate it,” Alexa dried off her ends, “Ready?” 

“As I’ll ever be,” Dean walked in front of the tub and kneeled in front of it, leaning his head in the tub. 

Alexa picked up the shower head and began to rinse out Dean’s hair. When the water hit his head he flinched a bit. The water wasn’t even vaguely warm. Rinsing his hair out took a similar amount of time to Alexa’s. After towel drying it and looking in the mirror he took in his appearance. Something about the pink hair made him look different. 

“I hate that you’re right,” Dean started, “but I do feel better after fucking with my hair.” 

“You can hate it all you want. C’mon lets go get shitfaced and watch a movie.”


	9. New Years Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vibe check

“Woah, what the fuck happened to your head?” Roman asked. 

Dean had been getting his bag out of his locker when Roman approached him. He had his hood up so you couldn’t tell anything was different until you got up close to him. Roman had clearly been taken aback by the change in Dean’s appearance. 

“Alexa talked me into it,” Dean admitted, “Why? It look stupid?”

Roman shook his head, “No. I like it. It suits you weirdly enough.” 

Dean hummed. 

“Hey I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Roman put his hand on Dean’s shoulder, “You okay?”

Dean shrugged, “You could’ve asked over text.”

“I wanted to ask you in person,” Roman kept his hand on Dean’s shoulder. 

Dean looked Roman over. All he’d been thinking about was what Alexa had said. She’d made a lot of good points and Dean just didn’t know what to think. On one hand she was right, Roman obviously liked Dean back. On the other hand Dean had absolutely no doubt in his mind that Roman was straight. The whole situation was upsetting and there was nothing he could really do about it. 

“I just can’t help but think I did something to upset you and that just doesn’t sit right with me,” Roman confessed. 

Dean was quick to a response, “You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“I mean it all started at the beach when-” 

“Look,” Dean interjected, “I’m just weird about, that, topic…”

Roman nodded in understanding.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Dean repeated. 

As Roman opened his mouth to say something the bell rang for class. Dean shrugged and walked beside Roman as they made their way to psychology. Both were quiet the whole way. Dean was up in his own head. Trying to process the fact that Roman does truly care about him and how much that absolutely sucks. 

In class Roman had offered Dean a ride home. Hesitantly Dean took the offer. He liked being around Roman, but he also needed time to sort things out in his head. Break was coming up at the end of the week and Dean was grateful for that time away. He just had to make it to Friday, then he had the last week of the year to sort his shit out. His family wasn’t very close knit so it wasn’t like he had anything else to do over the holidays. 

Dean buckled as soon as he was in the truck, not wanting to hear Roman remind him. Pulling out of the school parking lot Roman was quiet. They didn’t even have the radio on. They just sat in silence waiting to see who would break it. That person was Roman.

“I might be crossing a line here,” Roman began.

Dean shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 

“How did you know?” Roman asked.

“Know what?” Dean side eyed Roman.

“Know that you were, you know,” Roman sighed, “gay.”

“Um.”

“You don’t have to answer that,” Roman backtracked. 

“No it’s fine I just,” Dean bit hesitated, “I realised one day that the way I was looking at and thinking about boys was the way I should be thinking about girls. I think I always knew, just didn’t fully realise until I fell for some guy.”

“And what’s it like falling for a guy?” Roman asked softly.

Dean took a minute to answer, “I imagine it’s the same as falling for a girl.” 

Roman let that be the final word on the subject. He moved to turn on the radio. Dean moved to look out his window. Soon enough Roman was pulling into Dean’s driveway. Dean thanked Roman for the ride and got out. He watched as the truck disappeared down the road. Entering the kitchen Dean replayed the conversation in his head. It wasn’t the first question that was throwing Dean for a loop. 

He kicked his shoes off and went straight to the coffee maker. To pass most of his classes this semester he had to hand in quite a bit of work. Quite a bit of work that he had until Friday to do. Brewing a pot of coffee and half-assing a bunch of papers was his solution. He only needed to pass, he wasn’t aiming for an A or anything crazy like that. Just needed to drink some coffee and get to work. Easy. 

* * *

On the morning of December 31 first Dean woke up to a text from Alexa.

[Party tonight at Liv’s I invited Roman ;)]

Dean sat up and typed a reply.

[do i get to say no?]

Her reply was quick.

[Nope :P] 

Dean groaned and rubbed a hand over his face.

[what time]

Another instant reply.

[10]

Dean tossed his phone to the side and rolled out of bed. He went right into the shower, letting the hot water embrace him. The year was officially coming to an end. By the skin of his teeth Dean was able to pass all of the classes that counted. He’d be lying if he said Roman hadn’t helped him get the work done. However their conversation from the truck had been on repeat in his mind every day, multiple times a day. 

What did he mean what’s it like falling for a guy? What was the point of that question? Was Roman asking purely out of curiosity or was he asking because he might be falling for a guy? Dean was just so confused. Alexa’s words were also swirling around in his head. Was Roman falling for him? No way. Absolutely no way. Dean wasn’t even willing to entertain that thought. It was stupid. The whole thing was stupid and it made Dean angry. What was the point of even asking at all? 

Dean turned off the water and dried himself off with a towel. He threw on the first clothes he could find and made his way upstairs. He spotted his mother making breakfast as he passed by her to fill a mug up with coffee. She smiled at him as he poured sugar into his cup. From the looks of things she was making breakfast for everyone. It was something she did on weekends and breaks. She did everything as normal motherly as she could. The facade wasn’t fooling anyone, but they all kept it up anyway. 

“Why don’t you sit down dear,” she suggested, “I’m almost done the pancakes.”

“Where’s William?” Dean asked looking around. 

“Oh he’ll be back soon, just went out to run some errands,” she smiled softly. 

Dean nodded and went to take a seat at the table. He sipped his coffee as he watched his mother finish the last pancake and carry over the plate of them. There were already plates set up on the table that she had put there previously. 

Taking her seat his mother sparked up another conversation, “Any plans for tonight?”

Dean placed a couple of pancakes on his plate, “Liv’s throwing a party.” 

“Oh is that Roman boy going to be there?” she asked excitedly. 

“I think so. I should probably ask him for a ride,” Dean admitted. 

“Tell him to come to the door when he does. I hate not knowing any of your friends,” she begged. 

Dean studied her for a moment, deciding it wasn’t worth the fight. Roman would probably be the type to meet his friend’s parents anyway. 

“Okay,” he took another sip of his coffee. 

His mother hummed and turned her attention to her food. The rest of the morning passed without incident. Dean had asked Roman for a ride. Roman agreed. Roman also agreed to meeting Dean’s mom like she had asked. He even seemed mildly amused by the request, which was much better than being weirded out like Dean would have been. William had returned home while Dean was getting his second cup of coffee. He opted for drinking that one downstairs in his room instead. 

Eventually 9:30 pm rolled around and Dean was called upstairs by his mother. Roman was standing in his kitchen shaking William’s hand. Dean rolled his eyes. He wasn’t exactly pleased about the situation, but he also wasn’t about to cause a scene. This felt like an overreaction. Dean had friends, he even had male friends in the past. So he felt like his mother was being a bit over dramatic. 

“Ready to go?” Dean asked impatiently. 

“Whenever you are,” Roman responded. 

“Have fun boys,” Dean’s mother said as he put his shoes on.

“Bye mom,” Dean called out sarcastically, shutting the door behind them on their way out. 

“She seems nice,” Roman admitted on the way to the truck. 

Dean pulled the passenger side door open and got in, “She only likes you because she thinks your straightness will rub off on me.” 

“My straightness?” Roman laughed. 

“You laugh but I’m serious,” Dean play punched Roman’s shoulder. 

Roman shook his head and began the drive to Liv’s house. However the smile remained on Roman’s face. Dean watched Roman as discreetly as he could. Dean liked the way Roman’s smile lit up his entire face. He wanted nothing more than to kiss the stupid grin off his face, but he just pushed that idea to the back of his mind instead. 

When they got there everyone else was already inside. Liv, Alexa, Sonya, and Mandy. It was a small party, but that didn’t bother anyone involved. There was alcohol and everyone there liked each other and that’s what counted. They had the new years broadcast playing in the background for when the ball drops as they got started drinking. Dean went in hard and fast, he wanted to be sober for as little of this as possible. Roman on the other hand was taking it slow and easing into it. Roman’s still never been drunk before. 

An hour into the party and Dean could barely stand. Roman was bordering drunk, and everyone else was fairly trashed. There was always a tendency to go too hard too fast. That was the nature of high school parties, go until you can’t feel your face then do it again the next time you can get your hands on something. Dean was avoiding Roman the whole night. It wasn’t obvious, but any time Roman moved in his direction Dean would relocate. Roman hadn’t caught on, but Liv had.

“Hey Dean come here, bathroom, girl talk,” Liv whispered loudly. 

Dean nodded and followed. 

Liv sat down in the tub on one side and Dean sat in the tub on the other side. 

“What’s going on. Why are you avoiding Roman,” Liv asked. 

Dean just shrugged his shoulders. 

“Did he do something? Do I need to kick his ass?”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s not his fault he’s straight,” Liv could hear the alcohol in Dean’s voice. 

“Hey, I’m drunk, but you’re super drunk,” she was waving her arms to gesture between the two of them. 

“Not, thA-that drunk.” both of them starting laughing as Liv leaned into Dean.

The bathroom door opened then. It was Alexa. 

“Hey Alexa!” Liv nearly yelled before returning to her loud whisper, “Girl talk! Shut the door!”

“Oh! Okay!” Alexa replied before sitting on the closed toilet lid, “Is this about Roman again.”

Liv gave an exaggerated nod, “Yes.”

“Dean you listen here,” Alexa started, “And I’m being completely serious. You kiss him when the ball drops or I will!” 

Dean groaned loudly, “Do I have to?”

“Don’t make me, I’ll do it! I wanted Mandy, but if you’re gonna be a pussy then you can have Mandy!” Alexa giggled all the way through despite her attempt to be serious. 

“No, he’ll hate me if I do that,” Dean slurred out. 

“He obviously likes you,” Alexa blurted out. 

“Fine,” Dean agreed, “but if he hates me it’s your fault.” 

Dean stood up out of the tub. He struggled not to tumble back down into the tub. His vision was blurred and reality felt hazy. He was that level of drunk. The level where he was dumb enough to go through with kissing Roman, but would definetely remember and hate himself for it in the morning. Soon enough the ball was about to drop and they all stood around counting down. 

“10!”

“9!”

“8!” 

“7!”

“6!”

“5!”

“4!”

“3!”

“2!”

“1!” 

Then Dean grabbed both sides of Roman’s face and kissed him. Hard. When he pulled away he looked at Roman with eyes full of fear, Roman’s full of shock. What had he just done?


	10. The Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and there's the breaking point

Dean doesn’t remember how he ended up asleep on the couch, but he woke up under a warm comfy blanket. Roman was asleep on the floor in front of him with only a pillow. The night was hazy but Dean felt a sinking feeling when he remembered kissing Roman. His lips were soft and Dean must of been drunk off his ass because he remembered Roman kissing him back. Dean sat up with a yawn. The room was cold without the shield of a blanket, Dean felt bad for Roman sleeping blanket-less on the floor.

There was a heavy ache in his head. The throbbing was almost unbearable. He groaned and held his head in his hands. He needed to throw up and he wasn’t sure if it was from the hangover or from the memory of kissing Roman. Either way he was grateful nobody else was up yet. Careful of Roman, Dean tip toed his way to the bathroom. He shut the door as quietly as he could. As soon as he was knelt down with the toilet seat up he was spilling his guts into the bowl. He didn’t know how long he was in there, he hoped not very long. The fog in his head cleared but it still hurt. 

Splashing cold water on his face didn’t completely help either, but it did make him feel a little better. He had a feeling that feeling good wasn’t in the cards so feeling better was the only goal. Walking back into the living room Dean noticed that Roman was now sitting up. Mandy and Alexa were still asleep together in the recliner. 

“Morning,” Dean mumbled as he sat back down on the couch. 

Roman grunted his response. 

Dean wasn’t entirely sure how to follow it up so he just remained quiet. There was no telling what Roman did and didn’t remember, but he hadn’t punched Dean yet so that was a good sign. He put his head back down in his hands, thinking too hard about anything made him feel nauseous. Dean shook his head and stood back up, slowly as to not blackout. 

“What’re you doing?” Roman gave him a confused look. 

Dean headed for his jacket, “Cigarette.” 

“Want me to come?” Roman offered.

Dean slid on his jacket, “If you want to.”

So Roman followed Dean outside onto the porch. On the ground were a couple of inches of snow but the air didn’t feel that cold. Dean lit up a cigarette as soon as they were on the porch. Between the nicotine sobering him up some more and calming his nerves he became extremely grateful that quitting wasn’t his resolution. Kicking a crush on a straight boy maybe should be though. Roman stayed quiet and just watched as Dean smoked. Neither actually knew what to say. They just stood there and enjoyed each other’s company. 

“You passed out pretty hard last night,” Roman started, “We kept drinking for another hour after that.” 

Dean nodded, “I bet you did.”

“Yeah you were shivering though. Liv said you’d be fine, but I thought you probably needed the blanket more than I did,” Roman admitted. 

Dean paused his movement for a second, “I was wondering about that.” 

Silence hit them again. There was so much to say and neither really knew how to start. Dean wasn’t sure whether he should just open with an apology or if ignoring it altogether was the way to go. Bringing it up might upset Roman, keeping quiet might also upset him. No matter what Dean had come to the conclusion that their friendship was shot. 

“I’m straight,” Roman blurted out.

“I know,” Dean couldn’t bring himself to look at Roman.

“I’m straight,” Roman repeated. 

This time Dean did look at him, brow furrowed.

“I’m straight,” it was quieter this time.

“Which one of us are you trying to convince?” Dean kept his gaze on Roman. 

Roman didn’t give him an answer. He just turned and went inside. Dean decided on fishing his cigarette. Each conversation with Roman was getting weirder. It only left Dean confused, and in turn frustrated. Now there was a question mark next to the authenticity of Roman’s heterosexuality and Dean tried not to pay attention to the way his jaw was clenching. Anger was bubbling up inside of him. Anger at Roman, at himself, at the situation. 

Dean didn’t know how to deal with the way he felt. The way he felt confused him, which in turn made him angrier. Cursing under his breath he shot Baron a text asking if he was busy later that night. Getting fucked didn’t exactly help last time, but through willful ignorance he hoped it’d help this time. Baron had replied that he wasn’t and that he’d be there to pick Dean up at midnight. Dean finished his cigarette and headed back inside. 

Dean spent the rest of the day going through the motions. They went to the diner and had breakfast like they always did the morning after getting trashed. Roman drove Dean home, neither saying a word to the other. Dean crawled into bed and spent most of the day sleeping off his hangover, taking some ibuprofen when he woke up at six at night. He ate dinner with his mother and William and he waited. Baron would be there at midnight and midnight was a long time away. So he paced. That was really the only thing he could do other than smoke more cigarettes, which he did, to feel better. 

Eventually midnight rolled around and Dean got the text that Baron was there. Dean didn’t even bother tiptoeing through the house, he just took off running to the door before walking at a fast pace to Baron’s car. Baron took off as soon as Dean was inside. Baron wasn’t in the mood for games tonight and that was fine by Dean. The faster it was over with the faster he could feel better. On top of that he had school in the morning and Baron had no idea that Dean had only just turned 17 last month. Baron still thought he was 18. 

Baron once again dragged him into the apartment by his arm. The grip somehow managed to be tighter than last time. This time Baron didn’t bother slamming Dean against the door, he just marched him straight into the bedroom and told him to take his clothes off. Dean did as he was told and watched as Baron did the same. 

Baron pulled Dean back against his chest, gripping his jaw and turning his head for a kiss. A kiss followed by a not so gentle shove onto the bed. Dean landed on his forearms, turning his head to look behind him he saw Baron pull lube and a condom out of his bedside drawer. Baron delivered a sharp smack to Dean’s ass which made the teen flinch in surprise. 

“You look pretty in pink,” Baron teased. 

Dean rolled his eyes, “Shut up and fuck me.” 

Baron on delivered a second, harder smack that Dean managed not to flinch at.

There was the click of a cap opening. Baron coated two fingers with lube and stroked himself with his other hand. He didn’t waste anytime, shoving both fingers into Dean at the same time. Dean bit his lip and rested his forehead on the bed. Baron’s pace was rough, hard, and slower than Dean would have prefered. Anything was better than nothing though and it gave him something to focus on other than last night. 

While Baron fingered Dean with one hand he slid a condom on with the other. When he was satisfied with Dean being open enough he rubbed some lube onto his dick and lined himself up with Dean’s entrance. Dean whined at the loss but that only earned him another smack. Slowly he slid in, much slower than last time. Baron stilled once he was fully in.

“I really do like the pink,” Baron stated.

“Oh yeah?” Dean asked through gritted teeth.

“Yeah,” Baron rocked forward a bit, “Really compliments the whiney twink thing you’ve got going on.”

“I do not whine,” Dean argued. 

Baron pulled back and snapped his hips back forward suddenly, causing a whine to pass Dean’s lips.

“Shut the fuck up,” Dean mumbled, biting down on his lip to prevent it from happening again.

Baron’s face formed a smug grin as he began to slam into Dean. Baron’s movements were jagged at first, slowly forming into a steady rhythm. One of Baron’s hand gripped Dean’s hip while the other went to stroking him. Dean had school in the morning, but in the same vein Baron had to work in the morning. Time wasn’t on their side and Baron moved things along as quickly as he could. 

Baron’s speed on both his thrusting and his stroking inscresed. Dean was biting down onto his thumb to stop any more embarrassing sounds from coming out of him. Soon enough they were both cumming. Baron with a groan and Dean with a few whimpers getting past his bite. Dean went slightly limp as he let the matress below catch his weight. Baron didn’t pull out until he caught his breath. Once he did he slid the condom off and knotted it at the end. 

Tossing Dean’s clothes at him Baron made quick work of getting his own back on. Dean waited a few seconds before getting up and pulling his own clothes back on. As he bent down to pull on his pants Baron gave him another smack on the ass, this time Dean swatted after him. While re-buckling his belt Dean noticed Baron leave to toss out the condom. By the time Baron returned Dean was fully dressed and ready to go. 

Baron had dragged him to the car the same way he had dragged him up the the apartment. The ride back was just as quiet as the ride there. As soon as he got home he set his alarm and crawled into bed. He didn’t feel better in the slightest. He was still confused and he was still angry. At no point that night did he get any sleep. He just laid in the dark seething, eventually his alarm going off. As soon as it did Dean got up to get in the shower.

Stepping into the shower he considered that this was probably something he should’ve done the minute he got home. He zoned out looking at a single point on the wall as he washed his body. Only looking away from the spot to wash his hair. Alexa had told him to wash it in cold water, but he couldn’t be bothered to actually listen to that advice. 

3, 2, 1, kiss. That was it. That was the only thing playing in his head. Over and over and over again. Just 3, 2, 1, kiss. 3, 2, 1, kiss. He balled up his fists and tried to shake the memory. All he had to do was push it out of his mind and it’d be alright. He just had to not think about it. 

Getting upstairs there was coffee already brewed as usual. Dean made himself a cup and gulped it down. Liv had been driving him to school every morning and he knew she would be there soon. He didn’t bother making anything for breakfast. He wasn’t hungry. He just sipped his coffee and thought of everything except for Roman and the party. All he wanted was a cigarette, but he didn’t have time to go to his room and smoke one out the window. 

On the ride to school Dean didn’t pay any attention to Liv and Alexa’s conversation. He just kept his mind blank and watched out the window. Now that psychology was over he didn’t have to see Roman in class anymore. Between not having a class together anymore and everything from the night before Dean was pretty sure this was the end of the entire friendship. When he passed by Roman in the hall he noticed how Roman went out of his way to avoid him. 

A pang went through Dean’s heart and as the next class started Dean locked himself in the bathroom. He was pacing, mind racing. The kiss, all of Roman’s questions, the conversation on the porch, Roman avoiding him in the hall. It was all too much. Dean didn’t realise he’d punched the mirror until he heard the shatter and saw the blood. He cursed under his breath and stared at the glass sticking out of his hand. 

Within a few minutes there was a banging on the door and a is everything all right. Dean just started laughing, tears forming in his eyes. Glass was everywhere along with his blood. It hurt but he couldn’t quite feel it. After a while someone came to unlock the door and they forced him into the nurses office. They called his mother to come get him. Once she had gotten him they rushed him to the hospital. Everything was a mess, but he felt better.


	11. A Blunt Wire Through Cartilage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> owie and also ew

He sat in that hospital room for hours. They had removed all the shards of glass and taken x-rays to make sure it wasn’t broken. His mother hadn’t said a single word to him and he couldn’t bring himself to make any eye contact with her. She was going to have to pay for the damages and he knew that. Nobody had asked what he was thinking yet and he was thankful for that. He wasn’t quite sure how exactly he was going to explain himself yet. He wasn’t thinking anything, he was just reacting. 

The doctor had informed them that they were bringing someone in to screen him. He wasn’t entirely sure what that entailed, just that he wasn’t aloud to go home until somebody cleared him. When the lady came in to screen him he hadn’t noticed. He was zoned out looking at his bandaged up hand, focusing on the pain he had caused himself. 

“Would you like to do this alone or with you mother in the room?”

“What?” Dean looked up at the lady. 

“Would you like to do this alone or with you mother in the room?” she repeated. 

“Oh,” Dean mumbled, “Alone’s probably better.”

His mother nodded. She forced a smile onto her face as she exited the room. The doctor that had brought the lady in left as well, pulling the door shut behind himself. The lady pulled the chair his mother had been sitting in closer to him and took a seat. She was an older woman holding a clipboard and a pen. She had been soft in tone as well. 

“Now Dean,” she started, “Nothing you say here leaves the two of us alright. I only have to do something if you pose as an immediate threat to yourself or others. Even then that’s the only thing I’m aloud to inform others on. I can only help you if you’re honest with me. Do you understand Dean?”

Dean nodded. 

“Okay,” she clicked her pen, “So tell me, what happened today?”

Dean shook his head, “I don’t know. All of a sudden I was punching the mirror. Don’t remember how.”

“How were you feeling when you punched the mirror,” she pressed.

“Angry.”

“And why were you angry,” she asked as she wrote on the clipboard.

“It’s stupid,” he muttered. 

“I need to know in order to understand,” she explained.

Dean took a deep breath, “There’s this guy that I like that I think is straight, but might like me back. I kissed him on New Years and I’m just really confused by everything he does and when I get confused I get angry. He avoided me in the hallway earlier and then I punched the mirror. See? Stupid?”

“Did punching the mirror make you feel better?” she looked up from the paper. 

Dean nodded. 

“Would you do it again?” she asked.

Dean nodded again. 

She inhaled sharply, “Do you drink? Smoke?”

“Both,” he mumbled. 

“Occasionally, moderately, or often?”

“Often,” Dean chewed on his lip. 

“How often?” she continued writing on her board.

“Smoke a few times a day, drink a couple of times a week,” Dean started to fiddle with a loose string on his jeans. 

“Have you ever been admitted into a psychiatric institution?” she asked.

“Why? You admitting me?” he switched his full attention to her. 

She looked up from her writing and licked her bottom lip slowly. She gave him a small nod. 

“Great,” he sighed. 

“I think it’s in your best interest,” she explained softly, “Right now you pose as a danger to yourself and possibly others as well.” 

From there until they arrived at the psychiatric ward the whole world blurred and the only sound her heard was a prolonged beep. Everything was staticy. They had explained to him that he’d be there a minimum of a week. Everything after that was up to the psychiatrist’s discretion. Checking in was the same as the hospital. A lot of waiting and a retelling of why he punched the mirror. They made him piss and a cup and did a full body check naked to make sure he didn’t have anything stashed under his clothes. There was more waiting after that. His mother had left to go pack him some clothes for his stay. 

They brought him through winding tunnels in the basement to an elevator that brought them up to the correct area for teens. It was already late so most everybody was asleep. He was told that they wouldn’t check his clothes until the next morning so he’d have to wait until then to change. His room was just painted white cinderblocks like the ones at his school. There was a bed with a pillow and a blanket and some shelves built into the wall. His door had to stay open. The doors were automatically locked on the outside. 

He decided on stepping out of his jeans and sleeping in just his underwear and his shirt. Every 15 minutes someone came down the hall to check in every room. He didn’t get any sleep throughout the night. Most of the night was spent looking through barred windows. The night staff was talking and laughing constantly as well. On top of all of that the light from the hallway shined directly into his eyes.

In the morning he wandered out into the main area. The kitchen was just a small closet with a door that split in half. There was a table set up in the middle of the room. There were little stools attached to it and around the room there were plastic arm chairs for extra seating. The whole place looked like a mix between an elementary school and a prison. For every hand drawn colorful poster there was a window with bars on it. The office area had plexiglass in place of windows, the TV was behind plexiglass and the mirrors were as well. Music played quietly from the TV as he sat and waited. 

The first person to introduce themself to Dean was a girl named AJ. She had black hair and glasses, size wise she reminded him of Alexa. She had a teething toy. Apparently they gave it to her to stop her from chewing on her fingers and things, she had some kind of oral fixation. Dean had decided not to go to groups and the place was incredibly understaffed. The two of them sat alone out in the common area. AJ sat on the bench at the table with her legs criss crossed looking at Dean as if she was studying him. 

Dean shot her a questioning glance. 

“Have you ever considered piercing your nose?” AJ asked. 

Dean had to think for a moment, “Never really thought about it. Both of my best friends have theirs pierced. Why? Do you think it’d look cool?”

“I think a hoop in your left nostril would look super hot,” AJ smiled. 

Dean could never tell if she was hitting on him or if she was just overly friendly. 

Dean nodded at her comment, “I’ll have to see about it when I get out.”

“We could do it here.”

Dean just tilted his head in response. 

“Your earring is like the perfect size for a nose ring,” she explained. 

“And how would we pierce it? Can’t exactly just shove an earring through my nose.”

AJ pulled off her glasses and tapped the exposed wire on one side. 

Dean stared at the glasses for a few moments before nodding, “Okay.” 

“Yay! I’ve always wanted to pierce someone!” she exclaimed, “So, here’s how we’ll do it: First I’ll ask to use the bathroom, then after a few minutes you’ll ask and I’ll hide behind one of the shower stall walls so when staff glances over the bathroom it’ll look like no ones in there. You following me so far?” 

Dean nodded. 

“Great, then I’ll have you sit down on the toilet holding the earring ready to shove through after I pierce you. It’ll be easy I promise.” 

There was a glint of mischief in her eyes that was unmistakable. She was plotting, Dean wasn’t sure what it was yet, but he was sure to find out later. However that’s where their piercing discussion had to end for now since some staff and more patients walked into the common room. Dean wasn’t completely sure how he felt about piercing his nose inside of a psych ward, but it sure will be a story to tell when he gets out. 

The day passed on and Dean waited anxiously. Getting a needle shoved through his nose sounded bad enough but he wasn’t even getting that luxury. No he was getting a blunt wire shoved through his nostril. It crossed his mind that letting a psychiatric patient stab him wasn’t the smartest thing he had ever agreed to, but that didn’t matter now. He watched as AJ asked a staff member to use the bathroom, giving him a wink as she walk by. A few minutes and a different staff member later it was go time. 

“Anyone in here?” the staff member called out before doing a half-assed glance around the bathroom to check for other patients, “Go ahead.” 

Dean raised his eyebrows once and slid into the bathroom. Once the door shut AJ popped her head out from behind the shower stall wall. 

“Ready?” AJ asked excitedly. 

Dean shrugged, “As I’ll ever be.” 

“Okay!” AJ walked out completely, “Sit!” 

Dean sighed heavily and did as he was told. Once he had sat down on top of the toilet seat AJ began to wash off the exposed end of her glasses with soap and water. 

“Gonna need to wash your earring too,” AJ held her hand out expectantly. 

Pulling out his earring and handing it to her Dean began to take deep breaths. This was going to hurt. This was going to hurt a lot. Pain wasn’t normally something Dean used to cope, but it’s not like he usually avoided it either. Now though, he was about to let a girl he doesn’t know, who’s in a psych ward for undisclosed reasons, pierce his nose in a bathroom with a blunt object only then to shove an earring in instead of proper jewelry. 

AJ turned to him with a smirk, “Okay don’t move.” 

Dean sat still as she pressed the exposed wire of her glasses to his left nostril. 

“Hold this.”

He held the earring for her so she didn’t drop it. 

“Breathe in.”

Dean breathed in.

“Breathe out.” 

As he breathed out she shoved the wire through.

“Fuck,” he grunted out. 

“Earring,” she held out her hand again.

When he handed it back to her she pulled the wire out and shoved the earring in its place. Dean could feel the tears pricking in his eyes from getting his nose pierced. Getting the earring pushed in was just as painful, but it was over with now. Quick and not so painless. 

“Take a look!” AJ exclaimed. 

Nodding, Dean stood up and looked in the mirror. This mirror was also covered in plexiglass, making it hard to see properly. Blood wasn’t everywhere and that’s what really counted. Dean wiped at his eyes and tried to get a clearer look. He wasn’t sure if he liked it or not. 

“How’s it look?” he asked cautiously. 

AJ looked between him and the mirror, “I think it looks hot, like the pink hair. Goes together.” 

Dean nodded. 

“Now,” AJ turned him around and pushed him so he was pinned up against the sink, “What should we do now?” 

“Go back out?” 

AJ shook her head, “I think we should have some fun first.” 

“I’m not really-” he stopped talking when she dropped to her knees in front of him. 

“Not really what?” 

Dean looked up at the ceiling, “Into girls.” 

“But you are into getting off aren’t you?” she put one hand on his belt. 

He hesitated for a moment, “...I guess.” 

“So close your eyes and pretend it’s some guy,” she said absentmindedly while pulling his cock out and starting to stroke slowly. 

Dean shut his eyes tightly and shook his head, “Usually I’m the one doing the blowing.”

“Figures.” 

“What?” Dean looked down and directly at her as she took his dick into her mouth and began sucking slowly. 

Dean averted his gaze as soon as he saw it happen. His hands gripped to the sink and his eyes were glued to the ceiling again. If anything was a turn off it was what he just saw. He tried his best to pretend it was in fact a guy sucking him off. At this point he was picturing anything to get him there faster. The less time he had to spend with AJ’s mouth around him the better. His knuckles were turning white and his jaw was clenched. 

He tried to picture Baron instead of AJ but Roman just came rushing back to his mind. Roman and how soft his lips had felt against his own. Roman and how he always smelt so nice. Roman who went out of his way to let Dean wear his varsity jacket. Eventually he stopped trying to chase Roman out of his mind. If it got him out of this situation faster than so be it. 

“Mmm, fuck!” Dean whined out as the only indication that he was coming. 

AJ didn’t seem to mind too much as she just swallowed and stood back up. Dean tucked himself back into his pants and avoided eye contact. 

“Took you long enough,” she laughed, wiping her mouth. 

“Really not into girls.” 

“No shit,” she shook her head, “you head out first. See you in a few!”

Dean just nodded and got out of the bathroom as fast as he could. Roman was still in his head and now he had something new to stress out about. The whole point of getting off in general was to calm down. That was the exact opposite of calming.


	12. Sweet Freedom

“What’s up baby boy?” AJ asked as she sat herself down beside him. 

Dean rolled his eyes, “Don’t call me that.”

As much as he hated to admit it spending the rest of the week with AJ wasn’t as bad as he thought it’d be. In fact they had become practically inseparable as time progressed. Her crazy was just the right kind to mesh with his. She was devious and underhanded and Dean admired that. There was this air of don’t fuck with me that just radiated off of her. All the other patients were afraid of her, so when she was around everyone avoided Dean. If Dean was being completely honest with himself he didn’t know what he was going to do without her. 

“I got an idea,” AJ bounced in her seat. 

Dean ran a hand through his hair, “Hope it’s not as painful as your last one.” 

Dean had been using wet and soapy toilet paper to clean his new piercing. The last thing he wanted was an infection. His nose was already red and irritated. He was lucky none of the staff had noticed his newest addition. That fact shocked him less and less every second he was there. Staff didn’t notice anything, they were never around to. 

“Might be,” she leaned into him and began to whisper, “I thought maybe this time we could give each other tattoos.” 

“And how do you propose we do that,” Dean shot back. 

He knew better than to doubt that she could devise a plan. She was the smartest person he knew by miles. What AJ wanted AJ got. If she wanted a tattoo she was going to get a tattoo. Dean just couldn’t wrap his head around how. How in their current situation did she plan to get the two of them tattooed. The end of her glasses wasn’t nearly sharp enough to do any tattooing with and it wasn’t like there was a lot of sharp objects going around.

“Trish has pins on her bag,” AJ stated, still in a whisper. 

Dean shook his head, “So?”

“So,” AJ dragged out the syllable, “when she comes in for her shift I’ll snag one.” 

Dean looked at her with a mix of admiration and hesitation. It was an easy explanation and AJ had proven to be a great theif. All she had to do was get one and boom, a needle. Trish was extremely friendly. All you had to do was strike up a conversation and she was distracted. AJ’s plan was practically foolproof. Well foolproof if AJ was the one doing it, Dean was sure he’d muck it up if she even considered trusting him with retrieving duty. 

“And the ink?” Dean questioned. 

AJ patted Dean on the head, “Sweet, sweet boy. I’m just going to take a couple of pens off of the art cart and use the ink cartages.” 

Everything sounded so simple when she explained it. Dean was pretty sure that she was just a master manipulator and he was just a puppet on a string for her, but he was fine with that reality. AJ was the only thing even remotely entertaining about the whole place so why ruin a good thing. He was reaching higher levels of teen rebellion in a few days than he had in the past year and that’s how he justified it in his own mind. It was all one big right of passage. 

“Bathroom again?” Dean asked quietly. 

AJ nodded, “Ask to shower after dinner. I’ll be in there waiting for you.” 

They kept up their talking until it was time for her check in with a psychiatrist. Later in the day Trish came in for evening shift and sure enough, AJ managed to snag a pin and shove it in her bra without anyone other than Dean noticing. When AJ asked for them to bring the art cart out Dean had to keep himself from smiling. He didn’t actually physically see her take anything, but he knew she did. She always took something from the art cart when it was out and somehow managed to keep it stashed in her room. 

While everyone was eating dinner AJ asked to use the shower and then disappeared into the bathroom. Once dinner came to an end he knew that was his queue. Everyone dispersed to do the recreational activity of their choice. He asked a different staff member to use the bathroom. Once again AJ was hidden. Once again there was only a half-assed check of the room before letting him in. 

“Ready?” AJ asked as she popped out from around a corner. 

Dean nodded. 

“You know the drill,” she motioned for him to come forward, “Sit.”

Dean did as he was told. As he sat he noticed that she had already set everything up. There were two busted open pens sitting on the rim of the sink. One was pink and the other black. Dean had gotten the hint that he was getting stabbed first and that didn’t shock him very much. AJ held the broken off pin in her hand and looked Dean over carefully. 

“Roll up your right pant leg,” AJ commanded. 

“Why?” Dean asked as he did what she asked. 

“I’m tattooing just under your knee,” AJ stated as she grabbed the pink ink. 

Dean situation the fabric just above his knee for her, “You sure that’s gonna show up?”

“On you,” she dipped the pin in the ink, “Yeah.” 

He didn’t say anything in response, he just hissed as he felt the needle pierce his skin. She was poking towards the outside underneath his knee. From his position he couldn’t see exactly what she was doing. He came to terms with the fact that he’d have no idea what it really was until she was done. Her tongue was poking out in concentration. Every now and again she’d wipe away some ink and continue right along. 

After a while with the pink she switched to the black ink. She seemed to go around where the pink was in what he assumed to be a heart. Inside the heart he could feel her place what felt like her name. His knee was feeling pretty raw at this point, she was pressing pretty deep into his skin. Had to for it to actually work. He had been waiting to see what she tattooed on him before deciding what to tattoo on her. He had been sitting there for what was probably about ten minutes before she had finished and boy was he ready for it to be over. 

“Okay what do you think?” AJ asked with a smile as she pulled away. 

Dean fully extended his leg and took his first good look. There was a pink spider outlined in a black heart with the letters A & J sitting over the spider inside the heart. He had been able to guess most of it, but the spider wasn’t exactly what he’d expected. All things considered it looked pretty good. Obviously his skin was red and irritated but that was to be expected. 

“I like it,” Dean gave AJ a small smile. 

“Good because you can’t exactly control z that,” AJ joked, “Where do you wanna tattoo?” 

“Uh,” Dean took a minute to think, “Left foot.”

“Freak,” AJ teased as she took off her sock. 

Dean shook his head, “Fuck you. Give me the needle.” 

AJ handed over the ink cartridge and the needle. Dean stared blankly at the floor and contemplated what to put. Since she had gone with her name he decided to follow a similar route. Dean decided to go with tattooing his initials DA. The best combination of the letters he could think of was doing the anarchy symbol with a D instead of a circle. He tattooed it just under her ankle, front of the foot and centered. He went slightly smaller than she did, but not by much. She didn’t flinch at all during any point of the process. The lines were shaky at first, but smoothed out as he got the hang of it. His tattoo on her took much less time than the one she did on him. 

“I like it,” AJ beamed, “It’s cute. We’re going to have to give each other our numbers so we can talk after we’re out of here.” 

Dean set down the pin and ink, “I’ve got your name tattooed on me I’d hope you’d want to keep in touch on the outside.” 

“I think you’re the only real friend I’ve ever had,” AJ moved beside Dean to wrap an arm around him. 

“You make a habit of putting your friends dicks in you mouth?” Dean joked. 

“Yup,” AJ messed up Dean’s hair with her hand, “Now you should probably get out there before someone notices we’re both gone.” 

Dean sighed and stood up. Once again he left first, but not before pushing his pant leg back down. He had the impulse to limp due to the ache on his knee but fought against it. Nobody even gave him a second look as he wandered into the group therapy room where they had a board game going. They offered to let him join, but he turned them down so he could just watch instead. After a bit of time AJ appeared beside him. They didn’t ask her to play.

By the end of the week Dean had AJ’s number stashed in the bag they had brought his clothes up in. There wasn’t a clear date she was leaving and he was bummed about that. However with the promise that he’d be home in a matter of hours thrilled him to no end. He was more than ready to be home. His hand was still all busted up except now with a fingerless latex glove covering it, but other than that it was like nothing before he came in had ever even happened. 

In about an hour his mother would be there. AJ had declared that she was giving him a hug when he left whether he liked it or not. At the time Dean had rolled his eyes but in reality he was almost looking forward to it. From that point forward he was planning to make an effort to be as unapologetic about everything as AJ was. It was funny actually, she wasn’t too different from Liv, but he didn’t want that trait for himself until he met AJ.

He was signing his release papers when his mother showed up. AJ was practically leaning on him as he finished. When he stood up and handed the papers away AJ wrapped herself around him like a koala bear. He didn’t even have to look at his mother to know what she was thinking and his was dreading the conversation on the way home. 

For the next twenty minutes Dean and his mother sat in a room discussing the safety plan from there on out. Dean wasn’t actually paying any attention, he was vibrating with excitement for his freedom. Walking out the front door of the building was like stepping in to a completely brand new world that he’d never been in before. The air was just so clean as it filled his lungs. He hadn’t smoked in a week. All he had inside was nicotine gum. 

His mother was questioning him as soon as they had gotten into the car, “She was cute.” 

“AJ?” Dean asked, knowing exactly what she meant. 

“Is that her name?” she started the car and pulled out of the parking lot before continuing, “She seemed to like you.” 

Dean looked out the window at the world around him, “Just friends. They don’t do conversion therapy anymore. It’s illegal now.” 

There was no response. 

“Notice anything different about me?” he pressed. 

“Yes the nose ring,” she paused, “it’s very cute on you sweetheart.”

Dean didn’t know what response he wanted. Some anger maybe. For his mother to just be a parent to him for once mostly. Any normal parent would be angry and rightfully so. He got his nose pierced in a psych ward where there wasn’t supposed to be any sharp objects. She just didn’t care, she never seemed to. He did as he pleased and as much as he loved that he also wished deep down for a more structured life. Maybe then he wouldn’t have spiraled so far. 

The rest of the ride was quiet. When they finally made it back he spotted Liv’s car parked in the driveway along with Liv and Alexa sitting on his front porch. Both of them perked up when they noticed the car pulling in. The second he was out of the car he had Liv and Alexa hugging him tightly. 

“Never do that again you idiot,” Liv shoved him once they had pulled back. 

Alexa crossed her arms, “You scared the shit out of us.” 

Dean held his hands up, “Okay yeah, but does the nose ring look good?”

Irritated looks melted into smiles as they pulled him back in for another hug. As much as he dreaded going back to school this is what he missed. His two friends loved him enough to wait outside his house for his return. That’s all that mattered.


	13. Like Old Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *jaws theme plays*

Dean’s first time checking his phone since he got home and it was blown up with texts from Roman.

[Hey you okay?]

[I heard about the mirror you okay?]

[Couldn’t find you at school today were you here?]

[Alexa said you were going to be gone a while. Text me when you can I’m worried about you?]

For a moment Dean considered texting him back. Only for a moment though. Instead he just tucked his phone into his pocket. Just for a few moments Dean wanted to be alone. The girls had gone home with the promise that they’d come back for him tomorrow to throw a party for just the three of them. For now it was nice to just breathe again. 

His door was shut and he laid on his bed. At no point while he was there did he get any sleep. Being in his own room on his own bed with his own blanket over him had him drifting off within a matter of minutes. It felt nice to be able to drift away from high alert mode and into a feeling of safety. Maybe that was an unreasonable reaction to being in a psych ward but he didn’t care. He didn’t choose the way he felt, but he did choose how he coped with it. Right now he was choosing to cope with some desperately needed rest.

At about seven his mother woke him up for dinner. Initially he had claimed he wasn’t hungry, but once he had gotten to eating he had a hard time stopping. It been a whole week since he had eaten anything of any sort of quality. More importantly it had been a whole week since he got to use any sort of utensil. He sat quietly and ate while his mother and William held a conversation between the two of them. It all felt so normal in a way that Dean had never appreciated before. 

Here and there he’d be asked a question. Everything about it felt like he was never gone at all. No acknowledgement of any problem. His mother still hadn’t said anything about the mirror. Just the occasional glance at his very bandaged hand. Inside the psych ward they had used a latex glove with cut off fingers to replaced the bandages. They weren’t aloud to have anything that they could wrap around their neck. Some other kid was sitting in there with a broken hand from punching the wall. Nothing they could do about it, couldn’t wrap it up with anything. However now he probably needed to clean up his hand. 

After dinner Dean headed straight for the shower. He had discarded his makeshift bandage in the trash can upstairs. There was a towel already hanging up and Dean had never been so grateful to see one. Showering was a nightmare. The door only locked from the outside much like in his room. There was no shower curtain, he was just exposed. The water ran on a timer and didn’t ever get all that warm. Worst of all though was that he just kind of had to get in his clothes while he was soaking wet. If he was being honest showering at home was the thing that excited him the most. 

He turned the water on and he turned it on as hot as he could stand. Pulling the curtain closed behind him made him smile a bit to himself. Already he felt his muscles relax. All leftover tension slipped away as the water ran over him. He rubbed his face with water, avoiding his nose so not to irritate the nose ring. 

For the first couple of seconds the hot water stung the cuts on his hand. Dried blood and a bit of puss flaked away and down the drain, leaving the healing wound more exposed. He hadn’t realised how gunked up the cuts had been. Taking off the glove was something he was advised against but now he wished he had cleaned out the cuts earlier. The skin was all bruised and the swelling had finally gone down. Using soap made his hand sting even more but it was worth it to have it be clean and hopefully not infected. 

His hand wasn’t the only wound that stung. Where AJ had tattooed was burning a bit under the pressure of the hot water hitting it. He did his best to rinse that out without having it disrupted in any way. Having a shitty tattoo was one thing, fucking up his shitty tattoo would be a whole nother thing. As of right now you could tell what it was and considering the circumstances of how he got it, that was all he could ask for. 

Drying off with a towel after getting out felt like heaven. He had never thought about how nice it was to dry off before putting clothes on until he couldn’t. The towel was big and soft. He wrapped it around himself and walked back to his room to put on some fresh clothes. The clothes he threw on he hadn’t worn in forever, he put them on just because he could.

After that he crawled back into bed. Falling back asleep wasn’t nearly as much of a task as he thought it was going to be. He practically fell back asleep immediately. It was just a testament to how exhausted he had truly been. The past few months had been emotionally draining and he was finally able to just take a breath and relax. He slept all through the night and when he woke up in the morning he actually felt refreshed for the first time in forever. 

He headed right to the kitchen to get himself some coffee. He had been drinking watered down decaf for a week and he was ready to get an effective cup of coffee. While pouring his cup he noticed his mother making a rather large breakfast. She was making scrambled eggs, bacon, and what appeared to be blueberry pancakes. That was the closest thing to an acknowledgement of the situation as he was ever going to get. 

Liv wouldn’t be there until five which left Dean the whole day to do absolutely nothing. He had decided on going for a walk so he could finally smoke another cigarette. Feeling the smoke cloud his lungs again made him feel more at ease in his own body. It was such a familiar feeling that calmed any nerves instantly. He hadn’t drank since New Years and he wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about doing it again. Sure he’d probably be fine, but what if all the memories came flooding back and he did something stupid again. 

By the time 5 o’clock had rolled around he had nearly talked himself out of it. However the promise of it being just like old times had won out in the end. He had to remind himself that this was just as much for Liv and Alexa as it was for him. They wanted everything to be okay just as much as he did. A fun night of drinking with his best friends could be just what he needed to progress. Liv’s pulling in the driveway was signalled with repetitive honking until he finally appeared from behind the front door. 

“A text would’ve worked just fine,” Dean joked as he slid into the backseat. 

Liv rolled her eyes in an exaggerated fashion, “But that would be so much less fun.” 

The drive to Liv’s house felt short as the three of them sat in the car joking. Alexa had pointed out how they looked like a cult with pink hair and nose rings. Dean joked back that their cult activities included drugs and alcohol but that was basically it. They were drinking the second they had made it through the door. There was vodka, rum, and twisted tea. There was also sprite and coke to go along with it all. By the time it was 6 o’clock they were already bordering on drunk.

At some point Liv had suggested that they bake brownies. Alexa sat on the counter while Liv cracked the eggs into the bowl. When it came time to Dean stirred the contents of the bowl and poured them into the pan. Liv had that bright idea to pour some rum into the mixture. Alexa was completely on board with it and Dean had absolutely no objections. They spent the whole process joking around and Dean was pretty sure he could live in this night forever. 

“So what was it like?” Alexa asked as Liv put the brownies in the oven. 

Dean took a sip of the drink in his hand, “Well there was this crazy chick in there that offered to pierce my nose.”

“And you just let her?” Liv more yelled than asked.

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, “I think she chewed off the end of her glasses. She shoved the wire through and then I put my earring in the hole. Hurt like a bitch.” 

“How did you even get away with that?” Alexa asked with wide eyes.

“Nobody noticed. We were in the bathroom for like an hour,” Dean laughed. 

Liv hopped up on the counter beside Alexa, “Hope that’s where your stupidity ends.” 

“Nope!” Dean set down his drink and yanked up his pant leg, “Let her tattoo me too.”

“A J,” Alexa read aloud.

“AJ?” Liv yelled, “Was her name AJ? Did you let some girl tattoo her name on you?”

Dean let go of his pant leg and picked his drink back up, “Yeah, well, no. I let her tattoo me, didn’t know what it was until she was done.”

“You’re such and idiot,” Alexa laughed. 

“I’m just an easy victim for tiny girls,” he joked, “You got my hair pink. She tattooed and pierced me.” 

“Oh you’re so helpless you poor thing,” Alexa teased. 

“Oh!” Liv grabbed Alexa’s arm and snapped her head to look at Dean, “Did you guys want to order pizza?”

“Yes,” Dean nodded.

Alexa pulled her arm loose, “What kind of question is that. Obviously.” 

While Liv ordered some pizza Dean and Alexa put some cartoons on the TV to watch while they passed the time. Liv soon joined them on the couch. Watching wasn’t exactly what they were doing, moreso they were joking with the TV playing in the background. Roman didn’t cross Dean’s once. He was too busy laughing and talking. The three of them recounting old tales of their stupidest decisions. 

The brownies were done by the time the pizza had arrived. The food sobered them up a bit. At least that’s the excuse they were using to get even drunker than before. Ideally they’d have alcohol left over in the morning, but so far the tea was gone and the rum was on its way. The vodka was still half full at the moment. Each hit of a vape warranted more drinking as well. For the same reason as the food, the nicotine sobered them up. 

They drank more and more as the night progressed. In the arena of alcohol the three of them were professionals. Drinking was their specialty. It was also where most of their money disappeared to. Alcohol, and weed. It’s what they had bonded over since they were 13 years old. Without it there was a possibility that they wouldn’t have made it to this point. Dean was grateful that they did though. At this point he didn’t know what he would do without Liv and Alexa. He’d probably be at home drowning in self pity.

Before it was even midnight they had drank every last bit of alcohol. Dean had drank the most of it and there was high likelihood that he would throw most of it back up. That was fine with him. The repercussions of his actions would be a morning hangover. A morning hangover that was well worth the fun of the night. No relationships or dumb boys, just a group of friends taking complete advantage of their youth.


	14. At the Risk of Being too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> come get y'all's ambreigns

Dean had slept through most of Sunday. He was too hungover to even consider eating anything. Going back to school was something Dean dreaded. Going back to school meant facing even more consequences for his actions. He had a meeting with the principal and behavioral support counselor during his study hall to discuss his punishment for breaking a school mirror. If it wasn’t a suspension Dean would be shocked. He was pretty sure they would’ve expelled him had he not been sent to a psychiatric facility. 

When his alarm went off in the morning he didn’t immediately get out of bed like he usually did. He just kind of laid there staring at the ceiling. He wished the world would just swallow him whole. Regardless he eventually got up to take his shower. He paid careful attention to both his tattoo and his hand. His mother had suggested that he wrap his hand back up but he’d rather just let it breathe. Healed faster that way. He didn’t have time to just stand in the shower and exist like he normally did, but that didn’t stop him from doing it anyway. The sound of the water drowned out his thoughts. The warmth felt like a hug. 

Getting dressed he just grabbed whatever clothes he saw first and pulled them on as fast as he could. He put all of his school stuff back in his backpack before rushing upstairs. Liv was on her way and Dean was not going through the day without a cup of coffee first. As he finished his last couple of sips he could hear Liv honking outside. He took the last drink like a shot and placed the mug in the sink before running out the front door. Liv kept hitting the horn until Dean was sitting in the back. 

“Would you cut that out?” Dean asked as he pulled her arm away from the wheel. 

Alexa reached over and honked the horn for Liv.

Dean rolled his eyes and sat back in his seat while the girls laughed.

It would be a lie to say part of him didn’t want to see Roman. Then again most of him didn’t. Avoiding the problem was a lot easier than dealing with it head on. The good news was that they didn’t have any classes together. It wasn’t avoiding Roman to go a whole day without seeing him, that’s just how things were when you didn’t have class together and hung around different crowds. The bad news was that Roman would probably seek him out if he was asking Alexa about him while he was gone. Roman was probably worried and Dean was probably being a dick by ignoring his texts but he just couldn’t bring himself to care.

In the beginning of the day avoiding Roman had been easy. He just had to hope Roman hadn’t spotted him despite being very noticable. His luck ran out however. Between second and third period Dean noticed Roman waiting for him at his locker. If he didn’t need a textbook out of it Dean would have just not gone over there. Cursing under his breath Dean approached Roman slowly. 

“Can I help you?” Dean grumbled. 

Roman crossed his arms over his chest, “Are you avoiding me?”

Dean mirrored Roman and crossed his arms as well, “What? You don’t like that?”

Roman shook his head in annoyance, dropping his arms to his sides, “I’m worried about you.” 

“That’s a shame,” Dean huffed. 

“I get it you’re mad at me. Do you have to be so difficult?” Roman shoved Dean’s shoulder. 

“Don’t fucking push me,” Dean uncrossed his arms and pushed Roman back. 

“You know what,” Roman grabbed Dean by the arm and started walking him towards the gym lobby.

Dean dragged his feet the best he could, but Roman was determined, “Let go. Where are we going.”

“We’ve gotta talk about things,” Roman declared as he dragged Dean out into the parking lot.

“No we don’t,” Dean tried to yank himself free but failed. 

Roman threw Dean towards the passenger door of his truck, “Get in.”

Despite the glare he gave Roman, Dean did as he was told and got in the truck. When he took a second to think about it he should probably just hear Roman out. As much as he wanted to just be angry and ignore everything between them, Roman was willing to leave school to have this conversation. Roman who had a perfect attendance record. Roman who wouldn’t so much as be late for a class had just dragged Dean out of the school and was currently driving them out of the parking lot. Clearly this meant a lot to Roman so Dean just kept quiet. 

Dean wasn’t sure where they were going but he hoped they never got there. Roman was just as quiet as he was. Dean sat with his arms crossed and every once and a while he’d give Roman a dirty look. Whether or not Roman noticed Dean didn’t care. Being childish was making him feel better. Soon enough, however, Dean was able to recognize where they were headed. Roman was driving them back to the beach. The beach where they hung out after the game. The beach where Dean told Roman he was gay. 

Roman drove up as close to the beach as he could and parked the truck. He didn’t turn it off. It was too cold for that. Instead he just turned the heat down so it was quiet. Neither knew what to say, but Dean knew Roman would figure it out soon enough. So he stayed quiet and waited. Roman just needed time to think it over and choose his words carefully, and Dean gave him the time to do so. 

“Remember when you said your mother hoped my straightness would rub off on you?” Roman asked hesitantly. 

Dean nodded after thinking about it a moment.

“I think the opposite happened,” Roman avoided looking at Dean. 

Dean uncrossed his arms and adjusted the way he was sitting. 

Roman looked at Dean then, “You asked me who I was trying to convince and I think the answer was me.” 

Dean opened his mouth to say something but just ended up shutting it again. Dean was at a complete loss for words. This is not the direction he thought the conversation was going to go in. He just looked at Roman. He tried to find words to express the way he felt, but he didn’t know how he felt. He was at a complete and utter loss. 

“I’m not sure if I like guys,” Roman took a breath, “but I do know that I like you. God Dean you scared the shit out of me and I can’t help but to feel like part of if was my fault. Maybe that’s selfish of me. I don’t know, I just thought you should know.”

After a few minutes Dean finally found the words to respond, “It’s not your fault.” 

“You never leave my mind,” Roman looked down as he said it. 

Dean brought his hand up to tap his fingers on his collarbone, “If you had said that sooner we could have avoided this whole situation.” 

“I know I’m just,” Roman sighed, “so confused.” 

Dean nodded quietly. 

“And what if I do like guys and then my parents don’t except me. Like you with your mom?” Roman rattled on. 

Dean paused for a moment before speaking quietly, “You wanna know why my mom doesn’t accept me?” 

Roman gave him a nod. 

“My dad,” Dean licked his bottom lip, “My dad had a lot of issues. Drinking mostly but that’s not even the half of it.” 

Roman stayed quiet while Dean gathered his thoughts. 

“If he got really angry he hit me or my mom or the wall. Whatever was closest,” Dean squinted and bit his lip. 

Roman looked out at the water then back at Dean, “That’s horrible but,” Roman paused.

“What does it have to do with me being gay?” Dean finished for him. 

“Yeah,” Roman breathed. 

Dean felt his eye twitch, “Well he kinda had a little bit of a thing for little, uh, boys.”

Dean could hear Roman’s sharp inhale. 

“It was really just touching,” Dean ran his hand through his hair, “Nothing too bad.”

“Nothing too bad?” there was anger in Roman’s voice. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” Dean snapped. 

“After what you just said to me?” Roman brought both hands to his chest, “It’s kind of a really big deal and you’re acting like it’s not.” 

“You know I’ve got a good idea as to how you can know whether you’re into guys or not,” Dean changed the subject. 

“Dean,” Roman started. 

“I could blow you,” Dean offered. 

That caught Roman off guard. Dean just looked at Roman and waited for a response. He could physically see the thoughts bouncing around in Roman’s head. It was quiet between them for a while. Dean knew that this was technically falling back on an unhealthy coping mechanism that never actually worked, but he didn’t care. At first the offer was just to get the attention off of his confession. However once he had said it he realised how much he actually wanted to do it. 

“Like, right now?” Roman was hesitant and clearly confused. 

Dean reached over and put a hand on Roman’s crotch. He watched as Roman looked down at his hand and gulped. The fact that Roman wasn’t shoving him away gave Dean the confidence to push forward. He moved his hand to unbutton and reach into Roman’s jeans. Still he kept his eyes on Roman’s face. Roman was still looking down at Dean’s hand, he even licked his lips. He pulled Roman’s dick out of his pants and started to stroke him slowly. 

As he stroked Roman began to harden in his hand. Dean bit his lip as he continued. Finally Roman turned to look at Dean who’s movements stilled for a moment. Roman reached over and grabbed Dean by the back of the neck, pulling Dean over for a kiss. Dean sped his hand back up as he kissed Roman. Smiling into the kiss Dean sped up his hand even more. 

When Roman pulled back Dean bent down and put his mouth around the tip of Roman’s dick. He felt Roman tense up for a second before moving the hand on Dean’s neck into his hair. That was all of the encouragement Dean needed to go even further. He started to bob his head a bit as he sucked, swirling his tongue around the tip every time he got back up to it. The sounds of obscene slurping filled the front seat as Dean bobbed his head lower and lower. 

Dean had his left hand still stroking the base of Roman’s cock and was using his right to hold himself up. Roman started to play with Dean’s hair as he relaxed into the situation. Eventually Dean was dipping low enough that his lips were touching his fist and he could only stroke as he bobbed back up. Dean was still going slow. The longer he could make this last the better. There was no telling where it went after this, but right now with Roman in his mouth all of his earlier frustrations melted away. 

Sexual activities had always been Dean’s go to coping mechanism for his emotions and for the first time it felt like it was working. Maybe that’s just because wanting to fuck Roman had been the thing he was running from. Didn’t matter though. All that mattered was the way Roman’s pulsing dick felt in his mouth. How Roman’s hand felt in his hair. 

Roman was starting to jerk up into Dean’s mouth, which Dean took as a hint to speed up. He moved his hand off of the shaft completely and went straight into deep throating Roman. His pace built gradually until Roman was pulling softly on his hair. 

“Hey, hold on,” Roman was short of breath, “I’m gonna cum.” 

Dean pulled off, “Just cum in my mouth,” as soon as the words were out Dean had his lips back down at the base of Roman’s cock. 

“What?” Roman asked, alarm in his tone. 

Dean just hummed and waved his hands around in response. 

It took Roman a minute to relax again. When he did he wasn’t far from coming. Roman tried to hold off but he was completely done for. With a deep groan cum shot up and hit the back of Dean’s throat. Dean didn’t stop his movements until Roman had finished coming. When he did Dean pulled off slowly, sitting back in his seat. He swallowed and wiped his mouth, eyeing Roman the whole time. 

Roman took a minute to catch his breath, “Definitely into you.” 

Dean just smiled and leaned back over to kiss Roman once again.


	15. Detention For Two

Missing a disciplinary meeting wasn’t the wisest thing Dean had ever done, but it wasn’t like he had meant to. They had rescheduled it for Tuesday morning. Dean had a feeling that the punishment he was receiving would probably be worse off now that he’d blown off most of his first school day back. Going in to the meeting Dean expected either a lot of yelling or for them to be completely condescending. He got the latter. Dean sat in there and listened to them drone on about how they were aware of his situation but action needed to be taken to prevent him from repeating the incident. About halfway through Dean had stopped listening entirely. In the end he walked away with a month of detention. 

For Dean detention was nothing new, but for Roman it was a whole nother world. Since it was his first time ever needing discipline of any kind they let him off with one day of detention. Roman had spent the whole day freaking out about it. Between every class he would seek Dean out and ask question after question. Dean was losing count of how many times he had told Roman to calm down. It would be a lie for Dean to say he didn’t find Roman’s concern adorable, but at the same time it was entirely dramatic and bordering on annoying. 

Detention was no where near as severe as Roman seemed to think it was. They really just sat in a room with no supervision for an hour after school. It’s not how things should be run but it’s how they are. Dean wasn’t going to be the one to complain about it. Roman on the other hand just might. It was up to Dean to keep Roman quiet about it. Roman insisted that somebody should do something about it. Dean argued back that it was better left alone and that beyond the one afternoon it didn’t effect Roman. 20 minutes of their joint detention was spend arguing the topic back and forth. In the end Dean managed to deter Roman. 

“I’m fucking bored,” Dean complained after another couple of minutes. 

Roman just shook his head, “Have you tried maybe doing your homework.” 

“Have you tried maybe doing your homework,” Dean mocked. 

“Do you just live to be a pain in the ass?” Roman asked, setting down his pencil. 

Dean move his hand under the table and onto Roman’s thigh. Roman in return grabbed his wrist and removed the hand from his thigh. Dean tried to put his hand back but Roman just swatted it away again. 

“C’mon entertain me I’m bored,” Dean whined, “We’re literally the only two in here.”

Roman looked at Dean with absolute amazement, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

“Hypersexual now let me hypersexually blow you,” Dean moved his hand back to Roman’s thigh. 

“No because the second you go down will be the second someone walks in and we get caught,” Roman explained. 

“But I’m bored,” Dean whined again. 

Roman picked his pencil back up, “No.” 

“Handjob? Nobody will notice if they walk in. C’mon please,” Dean pulled and pushed on Roman’s leg as he talked. 

Roman took a deep breath, “If I say yes will you let me do my work?” 

Dean smiled at Roman and slid his hand up to Roman’s crotch, “Yes sir.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass,” Roman breathed, “Fine, go ahead. Whatever. I’m finishing my work.” 

Dean just rolled his eyes and undid Roman’s belt buckle. Unbuttoning Roman’s jeans Dean slid his hand into Roman’s pants, over his boxers for now. He rubbed slowly and leaned into Roman a bit. Roman clenched his jaw and did his best to ignore everything Dean was doing. Dean squeezed lightly before beginning to rub a bit harder. He was pressing his hand down now as Roman started to harden underneath his palm. 

Dean’s hands were cold, always were, but the warmth of Roman’s growing erection was warming the one. Dean squeezed again, a little harder this time. The hitch in Roman’s breath made Dean press down harder. He kept rubbing, looking at the clock. The teacher who’s supposed to oversee detention would be back about five minutes before it ends. Timing was the same every time. So they were left with 25 more minutes to kill. With Dean controlling the pace this wouldn’t last nearly that long. Dean was far too impatient. 

The speed of Dean’s rubbing and squeezing increased. He kept up like that for only another minute before sliding his hand up and back down underneath the final layer of fabric. The feel of Dean’s cold hand on Roman’s flesh made Roman jolt back on instinct. Dean laughed a little as Roman just forced his attention back on his work. Dean wrapped his hand around Roman’s shaft and pulled Roman’s dick out of his pants. Dean’s stroking started slow but picked up in pace almost immediately. 

Dean smirked slightly as he noticed Roman’s grip on his pencil tightened. That encouraged Dean to speed up even more. Precum that leaked from the tip of Roman’s cock became makeshift lube for Dean’s stroking. Dean began twisting his wrist slightly at the tip on each stroke. Roman blinked hard and groaned deep down in his throat. Each stroke became faster than the last. Every few strokes Dean swiped his thumb over the slit. 

Dean tried to slow down his pace, wanting to kill as much time as possible. For a few minutes he managed, after that he picked right back up to his previous pace. Roman was doing his best to focus on doing his work but his mind was getting foggy. Soon enough Roman had realised he wasn’t going to actually get anything done until Dean was done. Going along with Dean’s ideas was always a sure fire way to get zero work done. 

“I think I’m gonna fucking,” Roman dropped the pencil out of his hand, “It’s gonna make a fucking mess.” 

Dean rolled his eyes and pushed on Roman’s chest to make him lean back, “Relax.” 

Adjusting his seating position Dean dipped down to take the tip of Roman’s cock into his mouth. Dean kept pumping the shaft, a little bit more aggressively now. Roman carded his fingers through Dean’s hair and looked away towards a blank area of the school wall. Not too long after Roman came apart, cumming with a groan. Dean swallowed every last bit of cum before sitting back up and smiling at Roman. 

Roman quickly tucked himself back away and breathed a heavy sigh, “Is this what it’s going to be like with you?”

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, “Is that a problem?”

“You’re going to cause me so much unnecessary stress,” Roman shook his head. 

Dean elbowed Roman’s side a couple of times, “But it’s worth it.”

“Maybe,” Roman admitted.

Roman tried his best to seem annoyed as he went back to doing his work. In contrast Dean propped his elbow on the table and laid his head in his hand, watching Roman as he worked. Slowly the rest of detention ticked away. Like clockwork the advisor walked in five minutes to the end. Soon enough they were walking down through the halls on the way to Roman’s truck. 

“Told ya detention wasn’t anything to worry about,” Dean stated smugly. 

Roman breathed out, “Yeah well I still have to go home and deal with whatever my parents have in store as a punishment.” 

“Well,” Dean dragged out the l sound, “you don’t have to go straight home. We could have some more fun first.” 

“I don’t think I can handle any more of your idea of fun,” Roman confessed. 

“What? You don’t like exploring your sexuality?” Dean pressed. 

Roman laughed lightly, “I prefer to do it in a more private setting.” 

“Well why don’t you stay over Friday and explore,” Dean blurted out suddenly. 

As they reached Roman’s truck Roman hesitated. In Dean’s entire life he’d never once asked anyone to stay over. It was always him going to other people’s houses and everyone had noticed. Roman stood at the drivers side door and studied him. The offer was out now and it wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. 

“Yeah, because my parents are going to be cool with that after you got me to skip school,” Roman pointed out. 

Dean opened the passenger side door and got in, “You got me to skip school first off. Second off you never know until you ask them. Or you could just tell them. I never ask first.” 

Roman slid into his seat as well, “Oh I bet you don’t.” 

“All I’m saying is it’s worth a shot,” Dean shrugged. 

Roman bit his lip and tapped on the steering wheel, “Yeah. What did you have in mind for now though?”

“Huh?” Dean asked. 

“You said I don’t have to go straight home we could have some fun first,” Roman elaborated. 

“Oh,” Dean blinked a couple of times, “I don’t know. I was just suggesting. Up to you really.” 

Roman nodded. Without another word Roman started up the truck and drove out of the parking lot. It didn’t take Dean long to recognize just where they were headed. At one point the beach had been Dean’s spot to be alone. Now though, it seemed to be spot for Dean and Roman to be alone together. Once it got warm again they’d probably have to find a new place to hide away from the rest of the world. 

When they got there they just sat quietly for a little while. Both were hesitant and Dean knew that he didn’t have to do anything. Roman would make the first move, usually did. After a few more moments Roman reached over and carded his fingers through Dean’s hair before pulling him forward for a kiss. The first one didn’t last for very long, only a couple of seconds. Dean initiated the next one, which lasted much longer. Shorter kisses became longer ones. Dean scooted as close to Roman as he could in the position they were in. Roman slid his free hand up underneath the hem of Dean’s shirt and let it rest on his waist. One of Dean’s arms was wrapped behind Roman’s neck, the other hand was cupping Roman’s face. 

How long they stayed like that was anyone’s guess. They only ever broke apart for air, neither noticing that the sun was setting outside. Once Dean had pointed it out Roman groaned and started the truck back up again. Having to go home was something that usually put a damper on things, but right now it seemed to be the last thing either Dean or Roman wanted to do. On the drive back Dean smiled to himself and looked over at Roman every few minutes. Dean found Roman’s concentration to be incredibly cute, but he’d never say that out loud. 

Before getting out of the truck Dean snuck in a quick kiss the slid out of the vehicle without giving Roman time to react to it. As he walked in the front door he suppressed his smile. When he got inside he noticed his mother in the kitchen. She had to have noticed him come in, but she had yet to acknowledge him.

“Hey, you liked Roman right?” Dean asked hesitantly as he approached her.

At that she finally looked at him with a forced smile, “He seemed lovely. You should hang out with him more.”

“So you wouldn’t be too upset with him spending Friday here?” Dean tried. 

She paused in her actions, “Oh that would be lovely. I wouldn’t be upset with that at all. It’s about time you get closer to a guy.”

“Yup,” Dean nearly burst out laughing on the spot, “Cool thanks. I’ll be up for dinner in a minute gotta drop my bag in my room.” 

All he got in return was a smile and a nod. He shook his head as he wandered down the stairs. A small laugh escaped his lips after he shut his bedroom door behind him. For the first time he was actually glad his mother refused to acknowledge his sexuality. For the first time her chosen ignorance was coming in handy. Now everything depended on Roman and his ability to convince his parents. Dean didn’t understand how one detention could really be considered such a big deal. Dean decided to not spend too much time thinking about it, instead heading back upstairs for dinner. The only person who was more excited about the whole scenario was Dean’s mother. Though if she knew, she wouldn’t be.


	16. Friday Night

“You are so lucky they’re deciding to go easy on me,” Roman grumbled. 

Dean shook his head and nudged Roman’s shoulder, “Or maybe you were just making a way bigger deal out of skipping school than it actually is.” 

“Maybe you just think about it too casually,” Roman pointed out. 

“Doesn’t matter because,” Dean drew out the s sound, “Friday is going to be fun.” 

“After you get out of detention,” Roman added. 

“Could always skip it,” Dean offered. 

Roman gave Dean a look but laughed regardless, “I think you’re in enough trouble.” 

“Whatever,” Dean rolled his eyes. 

The bell rang shortly after that and they were off to class. Throughout the day in between classes the two would meet up and talk. After school Roman would wait and give Dean a ride home and they’d sit in the truck and talk about nothing in particular. The rest of the week went by like that. Classes, detention, ride home. The whole process seemed to make the days go by faster. They even spent their nights texting or talking over the phone. For the time being it was like the two couldn’t get enough of each other. 

Before they knew it Friday had come around. Detention seemed to tick by excessively slow. Dean spent most of it texting Roman who was doing his work in the library. At least he was trying to get his work done in the library. Getting work done isn’t easy when you’re constantly being disturbed. Dean’s texts ranged between being suggestive and being completely incoherent. Roman’s replies were short at first, but soon enough he had managed to be sucked into Dean’s shenanigans. 

Eventually they had wasted enough time and Dean was home free for the weekend. As always Roman was waiting for him at the gym exit. Roman offered Dean a smile as he held the door open for him. The way to the truck was filled with excited silence. They both got in at the same time, taking a moment to just look at each other for a moment before heading off. Roman had decided on picking up a change of clothes on the way to Dean’s instead of just bringing them to begin with. Dean sat outside while Roman dropped off his school bag and came back out with an overnight bag. 

After that they were clear for getting to Dean’s house. Like usual nobody was home yet. Dean led Roman downstairs into the basement. Roman didn’t stray too far behind, he was practically on top of Dean all of the way down the stairs. As soon as they were in Dean’s room Dean flung his bag across the room and pressed Roman back against the door for a kiss. At first Roman was caught off guard. After a few seconds Roman dropped his bag, instead wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist instead. Dean smiled into the kiss before leaning back in Roman’s arms. 

“I hope I’m not being too abrasive,” Dean stated, almost out of nowhere. 

Roman gave him a confused look, “What do you mean.” 

“Well,” Dean paused for a second, “You said you weren’t sure if you liked guys and I know I’m coming on really strong.” 

“And it’s taken you a whole week to be concerned about it?” Roman teased. 

“Well,” Dean shrugged lightly before giving Roman another peck on the lips. 

Dean unwrapped Roman’s arms from around his waist and took a few steps back. As Roman moved his bag to a better location Dean pulled off his hoodie. He’d probably get cold and have to put it back on again, but for now he kept it off. 

“So what ya think,” Dean gestured around his room. 

Roman seemed to get the hint and took a look around, “It’s about what I expected from you.”

“That good or bad,” Dean asked. 

“Good,” Roman took a few steps towards Dean and wrapped an arm around his waist again, “So what did you have in mind for activities?” 

“Have I ever shown you my tattoo?” Dean smirked.

Roman eyed him for second, “You have a tattoo?”

“Yup?”

“Show me.”

Dean took a step back out of Roman’s grip and put his right foot up on his bed. He rolled his pant leg up above his knee for Roman to take a look. Thankfully the tattoo hadn’t gotten immediately infected or anything like that. In fact the tattoo looked about as good as when he first got it. It didn’t sting under the hot water anymore and he could finally wash over it with soap. He was still cautious of scrubbing, but otherwise it was as if he’d never gotten it.

“AJ?” Roman had confusion written all over his face. 

“Yeah,” Dean laughed, “A girl I met in the psych ward. She’s the one that pierced my nose. She also blew me but I try to forget that part.” 

Roman opened his mouth but it took a few seconds for the words to come out, “I thought you weren’t into girls.” 

“I’m not,” Dean rolled his pant leg back down, “Hence me trying to forget that part.”

“So what? You were experimenting while you were away?” Roman pressed. 

Dean shook his head, “No she kinda just, went for it y’know? I kinda didn’t know what to do. Definitely not into girls though that’s a fact.”

The room went quiet again. Dean smiled softly at Roman as he wrapped his arms around Roman’s neck and hung off of him. Roman wrapped his arms back around Dean’s waist, this time mostly to support Dean’s weight. 

“What does your tattoo have to do with what you had in mind for us to do?” Roman asked suspiciously. 

“Well.”

Roman didn’t even bother letting him explain, “Are you going to suggest that we tattoo each other?” 

“It’s a bonding experience,” Dean tried to explain. 

“Ah I’m gonna regret this,” Roman mumbled, “Fuck it. Okay. Let’s do this?”

Dean looked Roman over, raising his eyebrow, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Roman nodded. 

Dean smiled wide and stepped out of Roman’s grip. He already had everything set aside for it in his desk drawer. There was no telling what Roman’s answer was going to be. On one hand Roman was already tattooed. On the other hand it was an actual tattoo instead of some stupid act of teen rebellion. Dean had a bad habit of doing things he shouldn’t just because he knew he shouldn’t. He figured it was a fun bonding moment when he did it with AJ, so maybe doing it with Roman would garner a similar result. 

Dean urged Roman to take a seat on his bed. As Dean got out the ink and the mostly sterilized needle. This time around the ink was from an actual bottle instead of from the ink cartridge of a pen. Dean sat himself down in his desk chair and spun around to face Roman. 

“I didn’t actually think I’d get this far,” Dean admitted, bouncing his leg a bit.

Roman let out a small laugh, “So you’ve got no ideas?”

“Not really,” Dean bit his lip, “I don’t know, what reminds you of me?” 

Roman shrugged, “Cigarette mostly.”

Dean squinted his eyes at Roman, tilting his head a bit, “I remind you of cigarettes.” 

Slowly Roman nodded, “Yeah. Your breath tastes like cigarettes. I’d complain if it was anyone else. It’s cute on you though.” 

“Then I’m tattooing a cigarette on you. Gimme your left arm,” Dean grabbed the needle and the ink and scooted closer to the bed. 

Roman gave up his arm and let Dean slide his sleeve up above his elbow. Dean set the ink down on the ground, but not before taking off the cap and sticking the sharp end of the needle into it. Without warning Dean just started poking in a semi straight line. Every time the ink became hard to see through Dean would wipe away the excess. The lines were unsurprisingly a little shaky, but shaky in a way that could be considered charming. 

Dean took his time on it. The actual tattoo wasn’t very big, maybe a couple of centimeters. The point wasn’t to be noticable, the point was to have something to look at and smile at the memories the tattoo holds. Dean outlined the cigarette and added a couple of curvy lines to indicate smoke. After he was done Roman pulled his arm back to get a good look at Dean’s work. The lines were heavy handed and it made Roman smile to himself. 

“Didn’t know you could draw a cigarette at all let alone with a needle,” Roman joked. 

“Oh fuck off. What’re you gonna do since you’re a master artist apparently,” Dean rolled his eyes dramatically. 

Roman rolled his sleeve down and looked Dean over, “Probably a beer bottle since you pushed alcohol on me.”

“Oh whatever,” Dean laughed, “Where you gonna put it?”

“Hmm,” Roman hummed, “Hip. Stand up.” 

Dean handed Roman the needle and stood up, kicking the chair back in the process. While Roman moved the ink to the right of himself Dean undid his belt and shoved down his jeans so they’d sit lower on his hips. 

“Which side,” Dean twisted his hip side to side as if to show Roman each side. 

“Left,” Roman pulled Dean closer and handed Dean the hem of his shirt, “Hold that.”

Dean, again, rolled his eyes but did what Roman asked nonetheless. Roman hesitated at first, the first few pokes not nearly deep enough. After a little bit though he got the hang of it. He used his left hand to grip Dean’s right hip as he poked away at Dean’s left. The positioning was low enough to be just hidden underneath the waistband of his pants. The bottle was done a bit bigger than Dean’s cigarette and there was no question as to what it was. 

“You should do a heart next to it so it’ll match the other one,” Dean joked. 

Roman didn’t even acknowledge the joke. Instead he started on a small heart next to the beer bottle. Unlike the bottle Roman filled the heart in with black ink. Dean was doing his best to both look at what Roman was doing and stay still. He was failing at both but at least he was trying. It’s the thought that counts. By the time Roman was done Dean had already given up trying to watch the process. 

“There,” Roman let go of Dean, “Now what do I do with the needle.”

Dean let go of his shirt and took the needle from Roman, tossing it back in the drawer. Roman placed the cap back on the ink and handed it back to Dean. The ink too went back in the drawer. Once everything was away Dean finally took a good look at his new tattoo. 

“I think I’m just shit at tattooing,” Dean noted as he looked back up to Roman. 

“That’s entirely possible,” Roman responded as he pulled Dean by the waistband back in front of him. 

“But that’s your problem not mine,” Dean smiled, moving to straddle Roman’s lap, “So what do we do now?”

“What did you call it?” Roman asked, “Exploring?”

At that Roman wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and laid back down on the bed. Dean framed Roman’s head with his forearms and smiled down at him. Once Roman smiled back at him, Dean leaned down for a quick kiss. Then a second. Then a third. On the fourth one Roman brought up one of his hands to the back of Dean’s neck to keep him in place for a longer kiss. Eventually the breaks between kisses became nonexistent. The two became locked at the lips. 

That’s how they spent most of their night. At one point they went up for dinner and pretended that Dean’s foot wasn’t rubbing Roman’s calf underneath the table. Roman was hit with a wall of questions about everything from football to an apology for Dean getting Roman into trouble. Dean didn’t even try to defend himself, they didn’t need to know the reason the two boys had skipped out on a day of school. 

As soon as the two were back downstairs in Dean’s bedroom Dean was back laying on top of Roman. Roman had one of his hands gripping Dean’s waist and one on the middle of Dean’s back underneath his shirt. By the time the two had fallen asleep their lips were bruised from kissing and Dean’s chin was scratched up from Roman’s beard.

When they woke up Dean was almost completely on top of Roman. Wrapped around him like a koala bear. Dean wasn’t even using a pillow, just Roman’s chest. Roman woke up first. Gently he shook Dean awake. 

“Fuck off,” Dean groaned as he snuggled further into Roman’s chest. 

“I take it you prefer waking up on your own,” Roman stated with a small laugh.

Dean just hummed in response. 

“C’mon your mom said she’d make breakfast and I can smell the food in the kitchen,” Roman tried to convince him. 

Dean picked his head up and looked down at Roman, “Fine.”

It took Dean a few more seconds, but eventually he climbed off of Roman. They made their way upstairs and Dean poured them both a cup of coffee. They were both laughing and poking fun at each other all through breakfast. Flirting was kept subtle, not that Dean’s mother would acknowledge it even if it was blatantly obvious. Once they had finished eating they made their way back downstairs. Again Dean found his way into Roman’s arms. Dean never liked mornings, but Roman was warm and he smelled nice.


	17. Movie Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hope everyone's wrestlemania pt 1 was good  
> even though it's completely ambreignsless this year

Few things in the world are more cliche than a movie date. As much as the idea of it made Dean want to roll his eyes he couldn’t hide the small bit of excitement that came with it. At the end of the day it was a date. A date with Roman. Not so long ago just the thought alone was completely out in left field. Now though? Now it was Dean’s reality. 

The second Roman had brought up the idea Dean had made it clear that he had absolutely zero intention of actually watching the movie. At first Roman was confused by that sentiment. However it didn’t take Roman long to figure out what Dean meant. Coming from Dean it could only mean a couple of things. 

“We’re not doing that, you’re going to get us in so much trouble,” Roman scolded.

“You’re just paranoid,” Dean hit back. 

Roman scoffed, “It’s a felony.” 

Dean shrugged, “Maybe if we get caught but I don’t plan on getting caught. The theater will probably be empty and movies are loud.”

“Can’t you just focus on the movie?” Roman suggested. 

Dean shook his head, “I focus better with something in my mouth. Maybe I have like an oral fixation or something like that.” 

“Maybe it’s just the trauma you’re not dealing with,” Roman mumbled. 

“The reason doesn’t matter,” Dean bit his lip, “Please.”

Roman looked over at Dean with soft eyes. Roman was developing a bad habit of just going along with whatever Dean wanted. On one hand the legal ramifications scared Roman. On the other hand Dean hadn’t been proven wrong yet. It was obvious that Dean had either done these things numerous times and gained confidence in them that way, or it was just dumb luck. Roman found much more comfort in the latter but he wasn’t going to bring any of that up to Dean. Truthfully he didn’t want to know. 

Roman gave in, “I hope you’re right.”

“I am,” Dean assured, “Don’t worry it’ll be fun.” 

“Okay,” Roman mumbled.

Soon enough their movie came around. Dean had been doing his best to reassure Roman the whole way there. He had made a promise to Roman that he would try paying attention to the movie first. Dean had no intention of following through on that promise, but if it made Roman feel better about the situation Dean would at least humor him. 

Going into the theater it was mostly empty. There were a few people scattered throughout. They found the most empty area and Roman allowed Dean to push him into it. Dean climbed over Roman’s lap to sit on the inside of the row. 

Roman sighed heavily, “Was that necessary?” 

“Yeah,” Dean nodded with a smile.

A few more people trickled in before the movie started. It wasn’t long after the lights went down that Dean moved his hand to rest on Roman’s upper thigh. Roman moved his left arm to lay across the back of Dean’s seat. As the movie progressed Dean leaned into Roman and started rubbing along the top of Roman’s inner thigh. 

Dean pretended to be paying attention to the movie as he moved his hand to palm Roman through his jeans. Roman widened his legs and slid down in his seat a small bit. Slowly Dean began to press down harder as he rubbed. Keeping his eyes on the screen Dean popped open the button of Roman’s jeans and slid his hand between the two fabrics of Roman’s pants and boxers. Dean laid his head down on Roman’s shoulder. The rubbing slowed as Roman began to harden in Dean’s hand. 

Roman moved his hand to run his fingers through Dean’s hair. As the movie progressed Dean became increasingly more bored. With increasing boredom Dean’s little bit of patience was thrown out the window. Dean reached into Roman’s underwear and pulled out his cock. The speed in which Dean was stroking increased with each stroke. Once Roman was mostly hard Dean adjusted his seating position to bend over the armrest and took Roman into his mouth. At first it was only the tip. 

The armrest dug into Dean’s side more and more the closer he got to the base of Roman’s cock. Dean had one arm resting on Roman’s thigh and the other bracing him on the armrest, trying to alleviate the digging feeling. Dean moved back up to suck on just the tip again, moving the hand on Roman’s thigh to begin stroking the shaft. With Roman in his hand Dean sucked down and met his lips halfway with his hand before sucking back up to the tip and stroking back down to the base. 

Small bits of precum were licked up as Dean swirled his tongue around and over the slit of Roman’s dick. Roman moved his free hand up to his mouth, biting down on his thumb knuckle. Dean sucked down past halfway and then back up to swirl his tongue around the tip again. The grip Roman had on Dean’s har tightened a bit. The volume of the movie over the many speakers placed around covered up the obscene slurping sounds Dean was making. Roman couldn’t quite hear them, but Dean could. 

Despite Roman’s best efforts he started to jerk up into Dean’s mouth. After the third time Roman jerked up Dean stopped stroking with his hand and placed it on the armrest on the other side of Roman and sucked down to the base of his cock. Dean sucked up halfway and then back down, beginning to bob his head at a slow pace. Roman eased his grip of Dean’s hair back up, but continued to twitch up into his mouth. 

Eventually the uncomfortable digging of the armrest in his side made Dean speed up his motions even more. Dean’s new pace was welcomed with Roman’s now rhythmic thrusting. Soon enough Roman tightened his grip on Dean’s hair once again. Roman wouldn’t last much longer and both of them knew it. 

Roman tugged lightly on Dean’s hair a couple of times, “Gonna…”

Dean gave him a thumbs up and sucked even harder. 

“Cool,” Roman breathed. 

Roman took a quick look around before finally letting go and coming in Dean’s mouth. Dean continued to suck until Roman had gone completely still. Pulling off of Roman Dean swallowed, wiping any spit on his lips away with the back of his hand. Roman tucked himself away as quickly as he could. Watching Roman hurry brought a small smile to Dean’s face. 

Looking back up at Dean Roman shook his head and pulled Dean back so his arm was wrapped around Dean’s shoulders. Dean leaned his head on Roman’s shoulder in return. At this point in the movie both were completely lost on the plot. Though they tried their best, neither one of them came out of the movie knowing what had happened or why. 

They walked back to Roman’s truck, shoulders bumping every few steps. The two talked the whole way and while getting into the vehicle. 

“You know,” Roman began, “we kinda just went on a date.”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows, “Yeah?” 

“Which kinda means we’re dating,” Roman pointed out. 

Dean hummed. 

“Which kinda makes you my boyfriend,” Roman finished off. 

Dean nodded once, “Boyfriend does sound better than ‘guy I’m blowing.’”

“Mm, a little bit,” Roman laughed. 

In return Dean smiled wide before leaning in to kiss Roman, “So whaddo we do now?”

“We could go walk along the waterline at the beach again. You can even wear my jacket,” Roman offered. 

“What’re we waiting for then,” Dean buckled himself quickly, “Let’s go!” 

Roman smiled to himself, buckling, and firing up the truck. The movie theater was on the opposite side of town as the beach. Hesitantly Dean moved his hand to rest on Roman’s thigh, near his knee. Roman took his right hand off of the wheel to thread his fingers through Dean’s. Dean glanced at their interlocked hands, up to Roman who was watching the road, and back down to their hands. A small smile formed on Dean’s face as he looked away and out of the passenger side window. 

He watched as the town that was always so still flew by the window. Every now and again Roman would squeeze his hand lightly. The warmth of Roman’s hand around his own cold one seemed to travel to his very core. The snow had mostly melted at this point and Dean’s hair had faded to a more peachy pink color as apposed to the more bubblegum pink it had been. Alexa had been bugging him to redye it. Redying it was something Dean had been considering, but was something he would probably ask Roman about, then go which ever way Roman thought he should. 

Getting to the beach Dean was quick to notice that it was empty as per usual. The waves were crashing hard and the waterline was further in than normal. As soon as Roman had turned the truck off Dean could hear the crashing of the waves in the distance. They sat there in quiet for a few moments before Roman let go of Dean’s hand and slid off his jacket. Dean took of his own jacket as well before putting on Roman’s letterman jacket.

“You know I could’ve just worn your extra jacket right?” Dean asked as he slid one of his arms through the sleeve. 

Roman shrugged as he reached for the hoodie in the back seat, “Yeah, but I like it when you wear that one.” 

Dean just hummed in response. 

Roman pulled his hoodie on over his head before gesturing towards his door and getting out. Dean got out as well, grabbing Roman’s hand and interlocking their fingers once they were close enough again. Aside from a patch of snow here and there the sand was completely uncovered. They walked right up to the waterline and walked along it like the night after Roman’s football game. Their hands swung together between them as they walked, Dean bobbing his head lightly. Roman was on the side near the water taking side steps into Dean any time the water came in a little too far. 

Dean soaked in the differences between where he was now and where he was after the game. He was walking the same line, but it felt different somehow. Whether it be the exposure of the daylight as opposed to night or the sheer contrast of holding hands versus playful nudges he wasn’t really sure. All he knew was that being in this moment felt right. It was as if this beach existed in a different dimension. A dimension that belonged to the two of them only. A dimension where they existed together for all eternity. 

“What do you think you’re going to do after high school?” Roman asked quietly. 

Dean stayed quiet for a moment, taking a few seconds to think, “I don’t know.”

“In a perfect world what would you do? If you could do anything, live anywhere?” Roman pressed. 

“Hm,” Dean hummed, “I think I’d want to be a drifter of sorts. Get out of here. Traveling the world, never staying in one place for too long. Seeing all of the beauty in the world and leaving before anyone gets the opportunity to taint it.”

“The opportunity to taint it?” Roman questioned. 

Dean hummed again, “Everything’s beautiful if you don’t look to long.”

“I think the trick is finding the beauty in the ugly things,” Roman noted. 

“Maybe,” Dean looked at Roman and gave him a smile, “You’re clearly good at that since you’re into me.” 

Roman shook his head, “Nah. It’s actually harder to find things I don’t like about you.”

Dean looked down at his feet, a faint blush beginning to appear on his cheeks, “Shut up.”

“It’s true.”

“Okay Romeo what the fuck are you gonna do after high school?” Dean joked, looking back to Roman, fighting off the remaining heat on his cheeks. 

Roman let out a heavy sigh, “Really don’t know what I want. I know what I’ll probably end up doing. I’ll probably go to college, play football, watch that go nowhere, and then work some 9 to 5 for the rest of my life.”

“Well now who’s being depressing?” Dean squeezed Roman’s hand lightly. 

“Yeah, well,” Roman shrugged. 

Dean shook his head, “I’m sure you could make a living out of football. I mean I don’t know shit about football but I’m pretty sure you’re great at it and if it counts for anything you’re my favorite player.” 

Roman laughed lightly, “As cute as that spiel was I’m not sure if I actually like football. I mean I like it, but I’m not sure it’s me I’m doing it for. So I’m not sure if I even want to spend the rest of my life doing it.” 

“Well whatever you choose,” Dean leaned into Roman, “I’ll be right there with you.” 

“God I hope so,” Roman leaned back into Dean and kissed him on the cheek. 

Dean just smiled and continued to swing their locked hands. Eventually they’d have to go home, but for now they just enjoyed being together in their own dimension right there on the beach.


	18. Drunkenly Tongue Tied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hope everyone had a good wrestle mania pt 2!

The air in the room was still and bordering on cold. Under the covers Dean was laying almost entirely on top of Roman. Between Roman’s body heat and the blanket covering them Dean was completely oblivious to the true temperature of the room. Every part of Dean’s body was warm, even the tip of his nose which was usually cold as ice when he woke up. Roman’s arm clutched around his waist added a layer of security that had played a fairly large role in the speed in which Dean had drifted off to sleep the night prior. 

A soft buzzing noise began to disrupt Dean’s peaceful sleeping. Instead of even checking what was causing the sound Dean just buried his face deeper into Roman’s chest. Beside him he heard Roman groan. Music was playing softly along with the buzzing. Dean could feel Roman start to sit up and clung to him more aggressively. For a couple of seconds it had worked, but the sound continued. As Roman sat up Dean slid off of him and snuggled into the pillows beneath instead.

“What the fuck is that,” Dean grumbled sleepily into the pillow. 

“My alarm,” Roman huffed. 

“Turn it off. Why the fuck is it on?” Dean complained, eyes still shut. 

Roman pulled the blanket off of them and climbed over Dean to get out of bed, “Because I forgot to turn it off.” 

Dean whined at the new cold air that engulfed him. He curled up into a ball trying to regain the lost warmth. Roman, who was now standing at the desk in Dean’s room, unplugged his phone and turned off his alarm. He smiled softly to himself as he glanced back at Dean who was trying to force himself back to sleep. Outside it was still dark. Sighing Roman set his phone back down and climbed back over Dean into bed. Unlike Dean who had just accepted being cold, Roman pulled the blanket back over the two of them. Almost unconsciously Dean scooted over and cuddled back into Roman who was once again laying flat on his back. 

“Why do you have an alarm set on Saturdays?” Dean mumbled into Roman’s chest. 

Roman reached his hand up to card his fingers through Dean’s hair, “I always have an alarm set on Saturdays. Sundays too.”

“Why?” 

“I like to get up early and workout. Stay in shape for football and what not,” Roman explained. 

Dean picked his head up to look at Roman through sleep heavy eyes, “You know what I like?”

“What’s that?” Roman hummed. 

“Getting some fucking sleep,” Dean frowned. 

Roman laughed softly at the statement. 

“It’s not funny,” Dean mumbled, laying his head back down on Roman’s chest. He kept his eyes open this time. 

“I’m sorry,” the smile stayed on Roman’s face, “How can I make it up to you?” 

“By shutting the fuck up and letting me fall back asleep,” Dean closed his eyes again and cuddled further into Roman. 

“Okay,” Roman breathed. 

After that Roman stayed quiet and Dean moved around a bit, trying to find a comfortable position. As the time passed Roman started to play with Dean’s hair and listen to his steady breaths. After about 20 minutes laying like that Dean had managed to drift off back to sleep. The way Dean’s breathing had completely evened out and his body went limp let Roman know that he had fallen back asleep. Something about the whole situation made Roman smile again, wider this time. 

It wasn’t too long after Dean had fallen back asleep that Roman did as well. With no thought to the action Roman wrapped his arm back around Dean’s waist. It was almost as if the action was normal to him. Everything about this moment felt so normal, yet it was all so knew. It was as if this was what they had always been meant to be doing. 

The next time they woke was less forced. The sun had risen and there was the sound of people moving around upstairs. Roman woke first, rubbing Dean’s back lightly as he allowed himself to wake up fully. Looking down at Dean Roman could tell that he was still sound asleep. After a few moments of hesitation Roman shook Dean carefully. In return Dean swatted absentmindedly at the hand Roman was shaking him with. 

“Come on,” Roman continued to shake him, “Wake up.”

“No,” Dean whined. 

“Up.”

“No.”

“I’m getting up,” Roman stated, sitting up and pulling the blanket off of the two of them again. 

“Fine,” Dean huffed. 

Dean sat up out of bed, Roman getting up after him. Dean reached his arms up above his head and came up onto the tips of his toes in a full body stretch. Roman patted Dean’s stomach as he passed by. The action caused Dean to smile. As Roman picked his phone back up and checked it Dean came up behind him. Dean wrapped his arms around Roman’s waist and laid his forehead on the back of Roman’s shoulder. 

“My moms probably up there waiting for us to eat whatever she made for breakfast,” Dean pointed out, but made no move to head upstairs. 

Roman reached back to pull Dean in front of him instead, “Mm, probably. Which means we should probably head up there.” 

Dean let himself be guided in front of Roman, “I’ll go if you give me a kiss first.” 

Roman rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion, “If I must.” 

“Hey sarcasm’s my thing,” Dean play shoved Roman’s shoulder. 

Roman repeated his exaggerated eye roll before pulling Dean in for the kiss he had asked for. The kiss didn’t last too long, but it wasn’t short either. It lasted for a couple of seconds and was followed up with a quick peck afterwards. 

“Dork,” Dean muttered. 

“What was that?” 

“Called you a dork.” 

Roman shook his head with a smile, “Upstairs.” Roman shoved Dean lightly towards the door, slapping his ass directly after the shove. 

“Dick,” Dean laughed, grabbing Roman’s arm and practically dragging him out of the room, “C’mon I’m hungry.” 

“Oh now you want to go upstairs?” Roman raised an eyebrow. 

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, “I got what I wanted now I can admit I’m hungry.” 

Roman put his hands up with a small laugh. He could argue how ridiculous that was, or he could even argue that that statement made Dean the dork, but he didn’t. Instead he let Dean feel vindicated. Just like Dean had predicted breakfast was ready upstairs waiting for them. William had already headed out, leaving Dean and Roman to eat with Dean’s mother. Roman was great with parents which shocked Dean in absolutely no way, shape, or form. Roman carried the conversation easily and Dean just sat back admiring him. Dean was pretty sure he’d look forward to family meals if Roman was there with him. Dean would probably look forward to anything if Roman was around. 

The rest of the day was spent lazily lounging around. The hours of the day ticked by far too fast for Dean’s liking. Eventually Roman had to head home. As much as Dean hated that he also knew that it wouldn’t even be a whole 24 hours before Roman was back in the morning to bring him to school. After checking around Dean gave Roman a kiss goodbye at the door. Dean didn’t care much for hiding it, but between Roman not being out and the unpredictable reaction of Dean’s mother it was better to air on the side of caution. 

That night Dean fell asleep clutching onto the pillow Roman had been sleeping on. It might’ve been because it was something to cuddle in his now empty bed. It also might’ve been the fact that the pillow still smelled like Roman from the night before. Dean wasn’t sure which it was, nor did he care. All Dean cared about was getting to see Roman again in the morning. When Dean got up he showered and drank his coffee just like every other morning. Then when he got in the truck he gave Roman a quick kiss before they headed off to school. That night and Tuesday morning the process repeated itself. The only difference that came with Tuesday was Liv sitting down at lunch slapping her hands against the table in excitement. 

“Guess who’s out of town this weekend?” she beamed. 

“Same person who’s out of town every weekend?” Alexa tried. 

Liv nodded excitedly, “And guess who’s coming over this weekend?” 

“Shot in the dark. Is it us?” Dean joked. 

“The whole gang,” Liv explained, “I already talked to Sonya and Mandy about it. I figured I’d let Dean handle getting Roman over.” 

Dean gave a slow nod. 

Alexa clapped her hands together, “Can’t wait!” 

* * *

From the moment Dean got in Roman’s truck the two’s fingers were intertwined. Roman was getting nearly as good driving with one hand as he was driving with two. Dean had wondered if Roman cared at all about the fact that Dean’s hands were always cold. The warmth of Roman’s hand was something Dean loved, not that he’d ever say that out loud. Roman was always so warm in contrast to Dean. It was like they balanced each other out in every way. 

The second they had gotten to Liv’s house everyone started drinking. Shots had all been set up on the table for when the two arrived. The six of them took no time in waiting, Liv took her shot the second Dean had stepped though the front door. Dean felt a spark of pride surge through him when Roman took the shot like he wouldn’t have absolutely refused only a few months prior. After about three rounds of shots almost everyone had tapped out and decided on lighter or mixed drinks instead. Dean and Liv however continued going shot for shot until they were both concretely drunk. Roman had stayed standing by Dean’s side the whole time. Even though the other three had made their way into the living room to lounge around. 

Out in the living room Alexa was sat on the coffee table facing Sonya and Mandy who were sitting on the couch. On their way to join them Liv, Dean, and Roman carried out the rest of the drinks to set on the coffee table beside Alexa. Drinking was easier with the drinks sat nearby. Roman plopped himself down in the chair, Dean sitting himself on the arm of the chair. 

After more drinks and a lot of conversation Roman pulled Dean down off the arm of the chair and into his lap. Dean hardly even noticed the action. It was felt far too normal and Dean was far to drunk to question it at all. He caught Liv and Alexa shoot each other knowing glances. Soon enough he’d hear all about how right they were. As annoying as that would be, he was glad that they had been right. This was the only “I told you so” he was willing to accept. 

As the night progressed Dean’s will power dwindled. All he really wanted to do was kiss Roman and when the girls were thoroughly engrossed in conversation Dean snuck in a kiss on Roman’s lips. Where Dean’s kiss had been short and sweet, the one Roman gave him in return was much longer and much deeper. When Roman pulled back Dean chased after him. Instead of getting another kiss Dean just shut his eyes and rested his head in the crook of Roman’s neck. 

“I’m sorry what was that?” Liv pointed at the two boys, smile wide on her face. 

“That,” Alexa exclaimed, “was me being right!” 

“You being right?” Roman laughed. 

“Oh shut the fuck up,” Dean groaned, picking his head back up to look at the girls. 

Aside from a bit of laughter they all dropped the subject and returned to their previous conversation. Liv had wrapped her arms around Sonya’s shoulders and stuck her tongue out in Dean’s direction. In return he just flipped her off. Dean still didn’t pay too much attention to the group conversation, instead choosing to focus on Roman’s hand that was now laying on his stomach underneath of his shirt. Roman’s hand created a place of warmth that felt like fire at first, but soon was an easy temperature. 

Time passed by them all quickly. They were so caught up in their talking and laughing that no one had even noticed the hours passing them all by. By the time it reached 1 am they had finished off all of the alcohol. By the time it reached 2 am Liv had brought out extra pillows and blankets. By 3 am the girls were all asleep. Alexa and Mandy once again sharing the recliner. On the couch the boys both laid on their sides, Dean’s back to Roman’s chest as Roman had an arm snaked around Dean’s waist. It didn’t take long for Dean to fall asleep after that. The last thing Dean remembered before drifting off was Roman kissing his temple. Alcohol always put Dean down hard, but the safety of Roman’s arms put him down even harder.


	19. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gah hope this was awkward enough

The sun was out and the air was warm. To be outside you still needed a jacket, but the snow was all melted and you wouldn’t freeze in a hoodie. Currently Dean was sat knees to his chest in the beach sand smoking a cigarette and wearing Roman’s varsity jacket. Roman was stood in just a long sleeved shirt throwing rocks from the pile he had created into the water. It had been quiet between them. They were just soaking up each others company. 

Roman broke the silence as he threw a rock out into the water, “Do you mind if I ask you a question?” 

“Is asking me first just your way of letting me know the question might upset me?” Dean asked, looking up at Roman and squinting a little because of the sunlight.

Roman looked down at Dean for a moment before nodding. 

Dean took a drag of his cigarette, “Shoot.” 

“Are you a,” Roman dragged out the a. 

“A?” 

“Are you a virgin?” Roman blurted out, “I mean obviously not because of-”

Dean cut him off, “Because of?”

“I mean because, you know, I didn’t,” Roman tried, stilling in his movements. 

“Jesus,” Dean mumbled, “No I’m not and no that doesn’t count.” 

“Right,” Roman picked up another rock and threw it, watching as it splashed in the distance. 

“Why?” Dean asked. 

Roman stayed quiet for a few minutes and Dean let him. It wasn’t actually that hard for Dean to figure out, but it was better to just ask and let Roman respond. This way allowed for Roman to drop it if he felt he had to. Dean continued to watch him, taking a drag of his cigarette every now and again. Eventually Roman found his words again. 

When Roman spoke again it wasn’t to answer Dean’s question, “What’s it like? To fuck a guy?” 

“For you or for me?” Dean asked with a laugh.

Roman stopped again to look at Dean before throwing another rock, “What do you mean?” 

“I mean,” Dean took a breath, “I imagine you wanna be the one doing the fucking?” 

Roman nodded hesitantly. 

Dean took another breath, “Then I imagine it’s just like fucking a girl. At least similar.” 

“That doesn’t exactly help me much,” Roman mumbled. 

“Are you a virgin?” Dean asked eyes slightly wide and shock in his voice. 

Roman nodded again. There was no hesitation this time, it was just a matter of fact. It wasn’t something that Roman seemed to be ashamed of in any way. Dean however was hesitant in asking his next question. 

“Um,” Dean started, “Is there like, a reason for that? Or?”

Roman shrugged, “Never really been with anyone before. And I don’t get having sex for the sake of having sex. If I’m gonna fuck somebody I want it to be someone I care about.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.”

“So why bring it up?” Dean took the final drag of his cigarette before putting it out completely.

“Because if I’m gonna fuck somebody,” Roman nudged Dean’s leg with his foot, “I want it to be someone I care about. Aren’t you the one who’s supposed to be pro exploring?” 

Dean looked up at Roman mouth slightly open, “Are you? Like? You mean like you wanna? Because nobodies gonna be home for another few hours if you wanna go back to my place and you know. If you mean like, right now.” 

“Right now works,” Roman dropped the rock that was in his hand and reached out to help Dean stand. 

Dean took Roman’s hand and practically dragged him back to the truck. Roman allowed himself to be dragged, smiling slightly at Dean’s determination. Dean was first to get in the truck, having already been buckled by the time Roman was opening the driver side door. As Roman started up the truck Dean tapped his hands on his knees impatiently. Roman was going far too slow for Dean’s liking. Although Roman was doing everything at a normal speed Dean couldn’t help but feel like the movements lacked the urgency they deserved. At least the urgency that Dean felt like they deserved. 

Roman grabbed Dean’s left hand and laced his fingers through Dean’s. In return Dean gave Roman a soft smile, stilling the tapping motion. The drive wasn’t a long one and it was only a matter of minutes before Dean started tapping the fingers of his free hand on his thigh. By the time Roman had pulled into the driveway Dean already had himself unbuckled, hand on the doorhandle. Once the truck came to a stop Dean hopped out and waited impatiently for Roman to do the same. With a shake of his head Roman put the truck in park and took the key out of the ignition. When Roman got out Dean grabbed his hand again and lead him into the house. 

Dean pulled Roman into the house and down the stairs. As soon as they made it into Dean’s room Dean threw the jacket to the side and slid his own shirt off. Before Roman even had any time to react Dean’s lips were on his and Dean backed him up against the door. Dean wasted no time grabbing the hem of Roman’s shirt and pulling up on it. Roman pushed Dean back a step to create room for him to help Dean get the shirt off. 

“Hey, hey. Dean,” Roman said, placing a hand on each of Dean’s shoulders.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Roman pointed out. 

“Right,” Dean breathed, “Right. Um, here let’s.” 

Dean backed away from Roman. He pulled off his socks and undid his belt. Roman didn’t move from his place against the door, instead he stood and watched. As soon as Dean got his belt unbuckled he also unbuttoned his jeans and dropped the to the floor. Stepping out of them he fumbled only a little. When he looked back up at Roman he smiled crookedly and ran a hand through his hair. Roman offered a smile back, taking a step forward closer to Dean and further into the room. Roman mimicked Dean’s action of stripping down to his underwear. Dean bit his lip as he watched. Once they were both stood there in their underwear they both seemed to pause. 

“Right so,” Dean dragged out the syllable. 

Looking over at his desk Dean moved to open the bottom left hand drawer. He reached in and grabbed the bottle of lube laying there and reached into the back to pull out a condom. As he stood up he kicked the drawer shut before tossing the objects in his hands onto the bed. Dean could feel the nerves start to radiate off of Roman. Gently Dean reached out for Roman’s hand, pulling him in for a soft kiss. Dean had done this countless times with countless people, but something about the energy in the room made this time feel different. It could be the pressure of being someone’s first or it could be the fact that Roman’s the first person he’s ever really cared about in this way. Doesn’t matter either way, doesn’t change anything.

Hand still in Roman’s he climbed onto the bed. Roman followed, getting on the bed as well. Again Dean kissed Roman softly. They sat Roman kneeling and Dean with his legs crisscrossed. The kisses were gentle and slow. Dean didn’t want to rush. He had a tendency for rushing things and he’d be damned if this was one of those things. He leaned forward more so into Roman. Dean laid the palm of his hands on Roman’s thighs. Grabbing Dean’s jaw Roman deepened the kiss. The motion caused Dean to smile into the kiss. 

After a few moments Dean slid his right hand up Roman’s thigh, squeezing Roman’s cock through the thin layer of fabric. Roman wrapped his other arm around Dean’s waist and pulled him even closer. As Roman hardened in Dean’s hand Roman moved his own hand from gripping Dean’s jaw to mimick Dean squeezing. Dean took that as his signal to push it even further. Once again Dean slid his hand up, this time sliding it back down and underneath the waistband of Roman’s underwear. Instead of squeezing Dean began stroking. The strokes were slow at first. Dean became more aggressive in the kiss, sucking on Roman’s tongue as he pumped his dick. 

When Dean started to harden Roman moved his hand to underneath Dean’s briefs and began stroking him back. Dean moved his free hand up to cup Roman’s cheek. Soon enough they were both stroking each others fully hard cocks. Dean pulled away from the kiss, leaving them both gasping for air. Both of them stilled there hands, taking a moment to just look at each other and breathe. 

Dean swallowed hard, “You sure you still wanna do this?” 

Roman took a moment to think before nodding. 

“Okay,” Dean breathed. 

With that Dean let go of Roman’s dick before removing Roman’s hand from his own. Dean got up off the bed and dropped his underwear to the floor. Roman did the same. Reaching over and around Roman Dean grabbed the condom off of the bed. Instead of handing the condom to Roman Dean ripped the package open. Dean tossed the wrapping onto the desk and dropped to his knees in front of Roman. He noticed Roman tense for a second. Dean paid no mind to that instead focusing his attention on rolling the condom onto Roman’s dick. When Dean got the condom fully on he gave Roman a couple of strokes before standing again. After standing Dean moved the bottle of lube from the edge of the bed up to the top of the bed. 

Dean leaned back in to kiss Roman again. Moving his hand Dean gripped the back of Roman’s neck. Roman moved his hands to Dean’s waist and Dean moved his free hand to cover one of Roman’s hands on his side. Without letting go of Roman Dean moved on to the bed. As Dean laid down on the bed Roman was pulled down on top of him. Roman propped himself up onto his forearms so not to put all of his body weight on Dean below him. Dean wrapped his other arm around Roman’s neck with the other. 

Roman moved away from the kiss, “What do I? What do I do know?”

Dean sat up onto his elbows, “Uh, okay so. Um, so, I can do this part if you want but. So lube. You put lube on two fingers, slide one in and y’know,” Dean pointed one finger and moved it back and forth, “Then when it feels loose enough you slide the second one in and then after that you put lube on your dick and just, slide in.” 

“No I can do that. So I just,” Roman picked up the the lube and coated his pointer and middle fingers.

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, “Yeah.”

Dean laid back onto the bed, watching Roman carefully. With a bit of hesitation Roman moved his hand down between Dean’s legs. Dean bit his lip as he felt a single lubed finger push its way into him. Roman waited for a moment before moving his finger slowly in and out. It wasn’t long before Dean’s lips were back on Roman’s, hand on the back of Roman’s neck. Roman continued to move his finger, increasing in speed every now and again. Dean slipped his tongue back into Roman’s mouth. After what felt like forever and only a few minutes all at once Roman pulled back away from the kiss again. 

“Can I put the other finger in? I don’t know when’s good. Are you good?” Roman questioned Dean. 

Dean laid his head down onto the pillows, “Yeah now’s good.”

Roman nodded, pulling his pointer nearly all of the way out before sliding back in with both fingers. Dean’s breath hitched with the motion. Once Roman got a smooth rhythm he leaned down to kiss Dean again. This time around it was Roman sliding his tongue into Dean’s mouth. Dean smiled crookedly into the kiss. As Roman pushed his fingers in and out Dean started to move his hips in time with Roman’s movements. Roman seemed less nervous now that they had gotten going. Dean was doing his best not to rush Roman. Soon enough Dean felt like they had done enough prepping and broke the kiss himself. 

“I think we’re good if you wanna,” Dean swallowed hard. 

Roman stalled his movements, “You sure?” 

Dean nodded. As he did so he picked up the bottle of lube and handed it off to Roman. Roman took a deep breath and pulled his fingers out of Dean. In attempt to stop the whine from coming out of his mouth Dean bit down hard on his lip. Roman fumbled a bit with the bottle, but managed to get the cap open and coat his dick with a layer of lube regardless. Taking his dick in his hand Roman lined up the tip to Dean’s entrance. Roman halted for a moment, looking up to Dean. Silently asking for permission he knew he already had. When Dean nodded Roman began to slide in slowly. Dean bit down on his lip even harder until Roman was all the way in.

“Fuck,” Dean breathed out heavily.

“Holy shit,” Roman gasped. 

They remained still as they both caught their breath. Dean blinked hard. Heavy breaths were the only sound in the room. The nerves seemed to flood back to Roman. Roman was still as Dean watched him carefully. It was only a few moments later that Dean spoke up, patience thinning as it usually did. 

“Please move.”

Dean’s words seemed to snap Roman out of whatever thought he was stuck in. After a moment of hesitation Roman moved his hips back and thrusted back in slowly, Dean gasping as he did. Dean’s reaction shot a spark of confidence through Roman and he thrusted again. It only took a few more thrusts before Roman had built up a steady pace. Previous nerves started to melt away. Dean reached up and pulled Roman back down for more kissing. 

As Roman continued thrusting Dean started to meet him halfway. Slowly Roman kissed from the corner of Dean’s mouth down along his jawline. Dean let out a small gasp each time Roman thrusted back in. Dean wasn’t sure if they had stayed like that for minutes or for hours because the world seemed to melt around them and isolate them in the moment. It had most likely been minutes. That was fine. It was still minutes spent with Roman. On one particular thrust Dean’s eyes instinctively rolled into the back of his head. 

“Holy fuck,” Dean gasped loudly. 

Roman pulled away from Dean suddenly. “You okay?” he asked, alarm evident in his voice. 

“Yeah just do that again,” Dean pulled Roman back against his body. 

“Do what again?” Roman asked nervously.

“Just, hit that spot again,” Dean tried to explain.

“You mean like,” Roman thrusted hard into Dean, “that?”

Dean felt like all of the air had been driven out of his lungs, “Fuck. Yeah. Like that.” 

Roman nodded dumbly before repeating the motion. Again and again. It wasn’t long before they were both close. Dean was clutching hard onto Roman. Roman’s was letting out jagged breaths and Dean was letting out throaty whines. The thrusting had fallen out of time and was now completely erratic. Dean had snuck a hand between their bodies to jerk himself off as in time with Roman as he could manage. It was only a few more thrusts and tugs until Dean was falling apart. 

“Fuck. Fuck. I’m gonna fucking,” Dean gasped as he jerked himself throughout his orgasm and coated both his hand and Roman’s lower stomach in cum, “Fuck.” 

The tightening of Dean’s walls on Roman’s cock was what did Roman in, pulling him over the edge. “Fuck,” Roman grunted as he continued thrusting into Dean until both of their orgasms had been riden out completely. Once ot was over Roman collapsed down onto Dean, pinning him to the mattress with his bodyweight. For the foreseeable future they laid there. Breathing.


	20. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was my baby :( maybe stay tuned for a sequel, who knows :P

“God fucking dammit. Can you open the window?” 

“Yeah.”

Roman moved all of the way off of Dean before moving down the bed to open the window. Once Roman’s bodyweight had been removed Dean sat himself up. Dean ran a hand through his sweaty hair. Bringing his knees up to his chest as he watched Roman open the window before turning back to face Dean. When Roman noticed Dean watching him he smiled softly at him. 

“I can take care of that for you,” Dean gestured to the used condom that was still on Roman’s now soft cock. 

Roman looked down between his legs, “Yeah that’s, probably a good idea.”

Dean nodded, moving down the bed a bit and onto his knees. Roman sat awkwardly still while Dean removed the condom and tied off the end. Once he had tied off the end he planted a quick kiss onto Roman’s cheek. Before Roman had any time to react Dean was already off of the bed. Setting the condom down on his desk he picked up the shirt he had been wearing and wiped all of the drying cum off of his body before tossing it to Roman for him to do the same. When Roman was done Dean held his hand out for Roman to toss it back to him. He set that on the desk as well. Dean pulled on a pair of sweatpants and picked the condom and shirt back up before leaving the room. 

He wasn’t gone long and when he came back there was nothing in his hands. Coming back into the room he noticed that Roman had already pulled most of his clothes back on and was buttoning up his jeans. While Roman pulled his shirt back on Dean grabbed the lube off of the bed and put it away. Afterwards Roman sat back down on the bed near the window. In one of the desk drawers sat a new pack of cigarettes. Dean took one out, picking up his lighter as well. He placed the cigarette between his lips, letting it hang there as he crawled back onto the bed. 

As Dean went to light the cigarette he felt Roman’s hand wrap around his own. Pausing in his actions Dean looked up into Roman’s eyes. Silently Roman freed the lighter from Dean’s hand. Without a word Roman held the lighter up to the end of the cigarette dangling from Dean’s mouth. Getting the message Dean took a firmer hold of the cigarette with his lips. Roman flicked the lighter, lighting the end. As the flame caught on the end of it Dean inhaled, taking hold of the cigarette with two fingers. Roman dropped the hand holding the lighter to his side and Dean pulled the stick from his mouth and blew out the smoke aiming it out the window. Roman watched the smoke blow past him and out the window. Once the stream of it passed him completely Roman placed the lighter down on the window sill, placing his hand in his lap afterwards. 

Both sat there quietly. Neither knew what to say next. Dean kept all of his attention focused on his cigarette. Roman would break the silence eventually Dean was sure of that. He always did. Dean was just hoping that when he did it would have nothing to do with feelings because at the moment Dean wasn’t sure how he felt. The thought jumped to mind that he might love Roman, but he just buried that thought deep within himself. Dean couldn’t even bring himself to look back up at Roman. Even if he did love Roman he wouldn’t be the first one to admit that. The fear of rejection on that subject was far too strong. 

Roman took a deep breath before speaking, “Are you going to redye your hair?”

Dean furrowed his brow and finally looked back up at Roman, “If you think I should.” 

“If I think you should?” Roman raised a questioning eyebrow. 

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, “Alexa’s been bugging me to. I don’t really care either way, but if you really like it and didn’t just say you did to make me feel better about it then I’ll gladly dye it again. I’ll go with whatever you decide.” 

Roman took in what Dean had said to him, “You really value my opinion that much?” 

Dean shrugged, “I mean yeah.”

Roman remained quiet, studying Dean. It was clear that Roman didn’t know how to respond to that. The lack of response from Roman was making Dean uncomfortable. Despite the cool air flowing into the room Dean felt his face and body heat up. He focused his attention back onto the cigarette in his hand. While Roman stayed quiet Dean took another, longer drag of his cigarette. 

“I didn’t just say it to make you feel better,” Roman broke the short silence, “I do think it’s cute. On you at least.” 

Dean nodded his head, not looking at Roman yet, “So you think I should?”

Roman shrugged and placed a hand on Dean’s knee, “Yeah. Might as well do it while you’re young and having pink hair is irrelevant. Besides, it fits your whole teen rebellion thing.” 

Dean laughed a bit, “Fuck off.” 

“No I’m serious,” Roman gripped Dean’s jaw softly so Dean was looking at him, “You’re like an edgy teen starter kit. Pink hair, smoker, you’ve got some shitty stick n pokes. Not to mention the nose ring and binge drinking.” 

Dean hummed, “You like it though.” 

Roman laughed at that, “Absolutely. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Sadness crept into Dean’s eyes, “You don’t wish I was a girl?”

“Certainly would make things easier,” Roman sighed, “No I don’t. If you were a girl you wouldn’t be you.”

Dean searched Roman’s face for any signs of deceit he could find. As far as he could tell there wasn’t any. Roman was being completely honest with Dean and it made Dean’s heart flutter. Just the knowledge that someone liked him for him was overwhelming. Let alone someone like Roman. Dean licked his bottom lip before leaning forward and placing a kiss on Roman’s lips. In return Roman grabbed Dean’s free hand and interlocked their fingers.

Dean scooted further down the bed, laying his legs over Roman’s. Dean’s knees were still near his chest, just now they were also on either side of Roman as well. When Dean brought the cigarette back up to his lips Roman gave him a kiss on the cheek. The action caused Dean to blow the smoke back out through his nostrils instead. When Roman pulled back to look at him again Dean shook his head at him. The smile on Dean’s face was all dimples. 

“Can you stay here tonight?” Dean asked softly.

“Yeah,” Roman kissed the back of Dean’s hand, “but we have to go pick up some clothes for tonight first.”

Dean hummed, “We can do that on one condition.”

Roman leaned toward Dean a bit more, his gaze on Dean’s lips, “What’s that?”

“You have to grab an extra shirt for me to sleep in,” Dean lowered his head a bit to try and make eye contact with Roman again.

Roman nodded with a smug look on his face, “Was already planning on it.”

Dean leaned towards the window so he could take another drag off his cigarette, “Glad.” 

“We should probably do that now then,” Roman pointed out. 

“Yeah,” Dean breathed, “Probably.”

Roman gripped underneath Dean’s knees, holding on as he scooted over and stood up off the bed. As Roman moved Dean wrapped his left arm around the back of Roman’s neck for more stability and he wrapped his legs around Roman’s waist. 

“Was that necessary?” Dean asked.

“Yeah,” Roman nodded. 

At that Roman leg go of Dean‘s legs. With a roll of his eyes Dean unwrapped his legs from around Roman’s waist. When Dean felt his feet touch the floor he moved his arm from around Roman’s neck and took a step back. Dean took one final drag of his cigarette before handing it off to Roman who took it hesitantly. Moving past Roman Dean picked up his shirt off the ground and pulled it back on along with his socks. When he was done he took the cigarette back from Roman, placing it between his own lips and putting Roman’s letterman jacket back on as well. 

“Ready?” Roman asked with a small smile. 

Dean pulled the cigarette out from between his lips, “Sure thing.”

Dean stomped out and disposed of the cigarette as soon as they got outside of his house. The trip to Roman’s didn’t take very long. Dean had just sat outside in the truck while Roman gathered his things from inside. Along with getting his things Roman had mentioned that he’d call one of his parents to ask for permission to stay with Dean. Dean had just rolled his eyes at that. He should probably tell his own mother at some point. It’s not like she’d care anyway, but a heads up was always nice. While Roman was inside Dean shot her a quick text letting her know beforehand. When Roman opened his front door again he smiled at Dean. Dean couldn’t help but to smile back at him, shaking his head a bit as he did. Roman half jogged back to the truck before dumping his bag into the backseat as he got in. 

“We’re all clear,” Roman announced, buckling himself back up as he did.

“Alright,” Dean nodded, “Now back to my place.” 

“Yes, back to your place,” Roman shifted gears into reverse to pull out of his driveway. 

Once they were out onto the road Dean reached over for Roman’s hand. Roman gave Dean’s hand a squeeze once their fingers were interlocked. The whole way back to Dean’s Roman hummed along to the radio. As Dean watched him the thought of being in love bubbled to the surface once again. Dean felt his heart flutter and his mouth start to go dry. Once again he did everything he could to bury that feeling. He was so caught up in watching Roman that he barely noticed the truck was stopped. It was Roman letting go of his hand that snapped him out of his thoughts. 

They made their way back downstairs and back onto the bed. Finally Dean shut the window once they got back into his room. Roman dumped his bag beside the edge of the bed before laying out on the bed completely. Once he locked the window Dean made his move to lay beside Roman on the bed. They both laid there on their backs looking up at the ceiling. 

“So what do we do now?” Roman asked quietly.

“Not sure,” Dean admitted. 

At that Roman reached over and held Dean’s hand. Dean turned his head to look at Roman who was looking up at the ceiling still. After only a few seconds Roman turned his head to look at Dean as well. Roman was the first to smile softly. It took Dean a few moments to return the smile. Roman used his free hand to pull Dean closer to his body. Dean allowed himself to be pulled over but didn’t offer any help to the process. When Dean was close enough Roman gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead. After that Dean turned his attentions back to the ceiling, giving Roman’s hand a tight squeeze. 

Despite having had the window open the room still smelled slightly of cigarettes. Dean wasn’t sure about Roman, but to him it was a familiar and comforting scent. Every fiber of his being felt at peace for the first time in his life. He wasn’t running or hiding from anything. Anything beside the feeling that kept bubbling to the surface. Now wasn’t the time for that though. Now was the time to soak up and appreciate what he’d gotten. Every time things started to fall into place and life started going well it would fall apart even harder. So for now, in this moment, Dean would hold on tightly to what he had and let everything else melt away.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr @kingvandam!


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